DC keeps asking me questions about my body

[Habber]

DP has a 6yo boy. DP and his side of the family is like me and mostly on the chunky side 😂. I’m not in my best shape I am aware so maybe sensitive. I’m a size 14/16

DC mum is very very slim.

DP’s child keeps asking me questions like why do I have a big bum. Why do I have big legs. Why do I have lumps on the back of my legs (cellulite) 😭 why do I have a wobbly stomach. I am usually wearing PJ’s when he asks and as it’s warm I have been wearing shorts. If DP hears him ask he will tell him it’s rude, but he will ask me and I honestly do not know what to say? What do I say!

Turn it round on him. Ask him ´why do you have X coloured eyes? Curly/blonde/black/straight hair. A mole or a freckle or whatever. Hitchhiker’s thumb or tongue rolling are good non loaded examples too.! Pick things that you can describe in a neutral way. You’re not trying to insult him, just get him to come to the conclusion that people have bodies that look different and that’s ok.

He's not being rude he's being curious. Just tell him all bodies come in different shapes and sizes .etc.. by telling him he's being rude by asking about your body is implying that there is something wrong with it when there isnt

Thanks ok he just asked me how much I weigh after asking why I had lumpy legs so I said I didn’t know but also said that everyone was different shapes for different reasons. He said he had seen a man with stretchmarks so also interested in that but he said is being fat bad? Are you fat? I am like 🤦‍♀️

I think he's trying to learn. Your DP doesn't seem to be responding in a constructive manner, just shutting down his curiosity instead.

As personal as it feels it is just him being curious - my 6yo is the same. It's a good opportunity to teach that all bodies are different and to encourage self esteem. Slightly ironic though as being asked questions about my body makes me feel anything but confident! My DC have a preoccupation with my wobbly belly, I cried the first time they pointed it out (not in front of them) but then pulled myself together and explained about differences in bodies and how they don't always look like they do on tv.
You have my sympathy though. I've always been self conscious and my kids pointing everything out made me realise I wasn't doing as good a job at hiding my flaws as I thought I was. I'm a few stone over weight btw and bigger than you are.

I’ve told DP he needs to answer questions not just say it’s rude. I was initially bothered but after you guys posting I feel better and did answer him about being different

Thanks I have girls and they didn’t really ask me questions like this I remember?

OP, A six year old is at a stage and age where he is beginning to observe and articulate the differences that he observes in his environment. He has questions and rather than silencing him, he ,in his home, should be taught how to properly frame his questions.

Questions about differences should not be shunned or criticized. Questioning is one of the ways that he learns. He can be taught about sensitivity and privacy as a part of the learning process, but at his age asking questions in his home should be encouraged.

My 5YO is like this at the moment.

Why is your tummy so round when there’s no baby in it?

Is my favourite so far It’s because I have a huge stomach muscle gap that is only getting worse and I can’t afford surgery.

She asks EVERYONE about their bodies. She also said the above to my Dad last week, she hasn’t seen him since she was a toddler.

Whilst it’s very annoying, and sometimes very funny, it is totally normally.

OP - you mention that his mother is v slim. I could be barking up an unfair tree here but do you think it’s possible that your DP’s ex (the child’s mother) could be making disparaging comments about you and being overheard/copied by her DS?

My young DC do similar; just say everybody has a different body like hair, shape, eye colour etc.

@MuckyPlucky

OP - you mention that his mother is v slim. I could be barking up an unfair tree here but do you think it’s possible that your DP’s ex (the child’s mother) could be making disparaging comments about you and being overheard/copied by her DS?

She tells them that things can make you fat yeah, I’ve heard the kids repeat it. So not that ‘it’s unhealthy or bad for you’ but that things make you fat so I think he’s particularly interested in fatness

@MuckyPlucky
It is normal for children to observe differences on their own. They do not need parents to make comments of any kind to make normal observations.
A parent or care taker should be more concerned about children who do not asks questions or who are less observant about things and differences in their environment.
Children learn by asking questions. There is nothing to suggest that the child's questions are meant to be offensive or disparaging.

Just as people should not be shamed for their body types, so too children should not be shamed or put down because of a normal curiosity.

They can and should be taught about privacy and sensitivity in responding to the healthy and normal curiosity.

Op, it’s perfectly normal.

When my children were younger they asked me why my skin was so brown. Compared to theirs.
Then they went through a phase of asking why I had bumps on my chest and daddy didn’t.
The list was quite long when I think about it.

As others have said I think it’s natural. They are beginning to see the world is different. People are different. Bodies are different.
The trick is to answer them without offence and as they gradually get older to teach them how questions should be framed to avoid hurting peoples feelings.

To the poster who has said it could be to do with the mum, that’s slightly unfair. I am very slim and into my fitness and I watch what I eat, so am conscious about portion size etc. My partners DC have noticed this and commented and I have replied with I enjoy healthy food and exercise to stay fit. Their mother is not the same and i would be mortified to hear if a child’s natural curiosity is somehow extended to something negative I may have said.

Ok I totally get being interested in differences but I think he’s particularly interested in fatness at the moment. If he asked about hair or eyes then that’s easy to answer but the main things he asks me are all about size and texture of my body parts 😂😂. I think this is why DP tells him not to be rude sometimes.

I think his mum makes comments about people’s size and fat = bad so I said to his DC that people can go up and down in sizes during their life, become different shapes for different reasons. I said it sometimes isn’t healthy to eat the wrong foods and sometimes being fat is bad do you then he asked if he can say the word fat and I said well I would say bigger/smaller as I think it’s kinder but also you shouldn’t tell someone they are fat or thin or make comments about people’s appearance but questions were ok

When I said wrong foods I meant junk foods. He is aware of good and bad foods

It sounds more persistent than just a phase. Young children do make comments on appearance but while explanations about differences etc are fine, children do need to know that it isn’t acceptable to make comments about people’s physical appearance and 6 is old enough to learn this.

children do need to know that it isn’t acceptable to make comments about people’s physical appearance and 6 is old enough to learn this.

I agree. Would it be OK if the child said 'Why has that lady got a big bum?' about a stranger in the supermarket?

Kids have no filter 😂

I got out of the shower and my little boy was maybe 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and said yuck

He often strokes my leg and says too spiky ....

He still asks me why I don't have a Willy

We were in a public toilet and he had to poo and he looked at it ans loudly announced that it looks like a seahorse

I remember my DSD being fascinated by my small boobs when she was this age (I was BFing DS a lot). Her mum has impressively big boobs so it was a bit of a contrast. She thought they were okay though, I didn't have to deal with any rudeness.

I think your DSS should be encouraged to reel it in a bit. Like, answer honestly but also point out that its not wise to bring these things up to other people as it can hurt them. Get your DH to have a word. BTW I'm not saying he is being rude on purpose - he sounds very normal!

There are two issues here.

1. How to deal with these comments/questions. Sometimes I give an honest straight answer about my bad habits. I don't do the whole "good food/bad food" thing, focus more on attitude and habits about food. Sometimes i just joke around and say " this? This is ALLLLL cake!" .

2.the rudeness. It's a great chance to explain that making comments about appearance can upset some people and hurt their feelings. DD has learned that very early, however I've always let her ask her questions or make comments at home because it's her safe space and where she learns what's ok and what isn't. Plus, I want to be the one to answer her in an accurate and age appropriate way and expose her to different points of view. It's a good way to point out what kind of things might upset others too.

Thinking of your DSS , do you really want his attitude about food, overweight people etc to be shaped solely by someone who says fat is bad?

I don't understand getting upset about any question that a kid asks in his or her home? Home is where kids should be able to ask anything. Home is also the place where kids should learn about sensitivity, privacy, and appropriateness.

The kid has done nothing wrong, and the OP and her husband/partner should use it as a teachable moment.

I am not certain why the mom's size is relevant, and it is not unusual for young kids to become fixated on a topic until such time as they have sorted it out in their own heads.

How long has the questioning been going on?
Are you newish to the scene?

My ds 7 is the same he asks about everyone that we see , it's a great opportunity to talk about why people look different and make it very matter of fact . Why is that man in a wheelchair etc ( this was when he was younger)
At that age they ( hopefully) have no negative associations with shapes and size and it's just curiosity
Ds told me my bum was wobbly like a jelly

I do think it sounds a bit obsessive; beyond normal curiosity.
That's maybe because I would feel uncomfortable answering question after question about my weight and size.

It’s normal, my niece asked why I had hairy arms and her mum didn’t 🤷‍♀️ I didn’t get upset about it