Weird comments from DSD

[dorris88]

Just looking for advice on how to react to a weird change in my relationship with DSD.

Nooo clue where its come from, myself and DSD mum get on well when we do cross paths.

DSD has started making comments to DH and I about her mum or against us its totally bizarre. Examples of these are;

"My mums a millionaire by the way, she earns loads more than you and dad combined" - (she's not a millionaire).

When I found a grey hair recently (booo)
"My mum doesn't have grey hair her hairs lovely"

"Your plants look dead outside, my mum would hate those she doesn't like plants that look dead" (they were hanging plants lol)

"My mums started running why dont you start running? she says she loves to be healthy but you just like drinking wine" LOL

"Is your bag Gucci? My mum has loads of designer bags,"

I literally respond with all of them "oh really? that's nice" - but its becoming more and more often and i cant work out why? Why is she comparing me and her Mum? I never speak about her mum EVER but at the same time when she talks to me about her mum, i don't shut it down.

Its getting to the point where I either want to laugh at the comments which i don't want to but they're just so ridiculous.

I just want to add the context of these comments aren't like general chit chat

Just picture a sassy 8 year old girl saying it with a smirk on her face lol I know the intent behind the comments from her tone etc. They aren't affecting me or upsetting me but its as though that's what she's trying to do.

Anyone experienced this?

I'd carry on and try and resist the temptation to say "you know your mum is nothing to me".

Maybe just "That's nice dear" everytime

My DS1 goes through stages of this with both DP and me. This morning it was that Exdh has Sky but we don't. It's a testing mechanism they are looking to see how you react. Perfectly normal.

We are the resident parents but for DS1 it's a way to check if we are going to react or say anything negative. We don't. We just airily say "Oh really that's nice" and it goes away for a bit.

We do live very different lifestyles and occasionally we discuss not comparing people and individual choices but in general we just smile and work through it. No idea if that's the right thing to do but it works for us.

DS1 doesn't understand the loaded nature of the comments he is in the stage of figuring out the concept of wealth and different ways to live. I know he does it to Exdh. Exdh has more money but for example I run and am relatively healthy (depending on the month).

My favourite was did I have a real job because I just sit in front of the laptop all day and Daddy goes out to a real job thanks kid. He did get a discussion on that one.

Ah which you are doing. It sounds like you're handling it well, eventually she will realise she isn't getting to you and stop.

You sound like you're doing very well. My older dsds used to things like this. I would react like you or breezily say "oh very good. We are all different. Are you going to get into running yourself, maybe your mum will take you".

I sympathize though, I find it hard. My youngest DSD is doing it in a different way. If we offer her anything like to take some cake home with her she will respond that nobody in her house would eat it, they only eat very high quality cakes, if I ask her if her room is noisy she will say it's fine, she had adjusted to the noise but it took some time as her house at home is much better quality insulation, when we invite her on holiday she tells us yes but only on condition it doesn't clash with anything her mum's family booked as they tend to have a bigger budget etc etc.

I grit my teeth, smile and nod.

We went through similar around the same age, just her age and testing the boundaries abit with you probably.

I would mutter well dm doesn't get to sleep next to your df so she ain't that happy!!
And smile.

*under your breath!!

Yeah DH gets the odd comment too about DSD step dad. He is so laid back though he just is like "oh wowww" - always has been.

I'll carry on just as I am then.

@30degreesandmeltinghere - LMAO brilliant

although tbh that ship sailed so long ago I doubt she wants to

It's probably going the other way as well.

My DCs used to tell me that DF & DSM have three bathrooms, DSM doesn't have wrinkles, DSM makes the best mushroom soup, DSM wears such lovely clothes, why don't you, mummy?

As others say, just testing boundaries. Don't react, it will stop.

Agree with others, you're doing well, hang in there and give no reaction and it'll stop

I think it must be harder for my OH to get the comparisons with ex's new partner but we just have to let it be like water off a duck's back unless it's really rude I guess. I try to think of it as I must be doing a good job so she feels she has to make sure her mum is better at absolutely everything or she feels a bit weird maybe? Not sure I'm explaining that right.

Do you think she’s repeating things her mums said, or just testing boundaries? I think you’re handling it the right way.

If you want to laugh then laugh along with your "that's nice dear"

Carry on as you are, in the main.
Occasionally say, 'You know, you're the one who matters here. Your mum is important, but you are even more important to your dad and me.'
If it's true, of course. But it probably is. You seem like a decent sort.

Kids do it with their school friends too. My mum's better than yours etc so it must be a phase

It sounds to me as if she likes you a lot, which makes her feel guilty so she bigs her mum up.

My eldest SD went through a stage like this (she was 14 though so knew better) so I used to respond like this for example...

SD- “My mum is a millionaire, she earns loads more than me”
Me- “Good for her! How unusual that a millionaire lives in a small 3 bed terraced house, she must be extremely careful with her money to still be living there and driving that car”

SD- “My mum doesn’t have stretch marks, why do you have them? Her body is much nicer than yours”
Me- “Yes your mum does have a nice figure and she’s lucky she doesn’t have any stretch marks. We all have different bodies... for example I have big boobs, your mum is flat chested. Each to their own”.

SD- “Is your bag designer? My mum has lots of designer bags that are nicer than yours”
Me- “That’s nice. Good for her to be able to have so much spare cash. Did she get you those trainers she said she couldn’t afford last month?”

Every. Single. Time.

It stopped

My dd makes the odd comment but I just brush it off, it's mostly positive about me and negative about her dad. Dp's dd is always moaning about her mums dp, I try to change the subject

@SpongebobNoPants see those are similar responses I think of in my head I just wouldn't say them out loud to her she's too young.

Her step dad works behind the coffee counter at a local football club (championship level) and she believes her SD plays football. We never correct her we just go "oh wow soooo cool". There's no shame in his real job but I remember being similar at her age.

Although my dad had a really geeky well paid job and I pretended he was poor for some absolutely weird reason, probs because I grew up in a rough place in London and being comfortable was considered snobby.

I'm thinking DSD goes to a school which the majority of kids come from wealthy backgrounds and hers does not match up. Perhaps she's doing similar, but the opposite way around.

Kids can all be weird though when I lived abroad I pretended I was French for a week because someone told me they hated English people haha

Wow this got embarassing

I think it can be age thing too.
My Dad drives a BMW
I have 3 PlayStations at home
My grandma lives in a mansion
My uncle wears Gucci
sort of thing
Best not to react or if they have heard this from someone else then it can become a private joke that someone living in your very normal area regularly travels by helicopter or whatever.

Definitely an age thing. My children at a similar age would tell me all kinds of bull about what their friends parents did, had, earned and would not have it that it was not accurate. Best to just nod along.