How do you answer "Do you have kids?"?

[smith3711]

How do you answer when someone asks "Do you have kids?"

For example, do you say "I have a 2 SC", or "My partner has two children."

I've only started overthinking this lately but now it's making me really aware of what I'm saying, but I adore my SC, but I never want to disrespect them.

(I'm specifically asking about when I'm on my own, e.g. in meetings, at the hairdresser etc. If I'm asked in front of them I say "I'm friend or I'm dad's friend. I would never say SC / SM / Dad's gf in front of them until the day they ask me to! Which may be never, it's up to them!)

@PaperbackRider

I’m calling them SC in this thread because that’s the acronym in this forum which is called step parenting

It's only the acronym when they actually ARE your step children. Not when they are not. You are not a step parent, they are not your step children.

This is just ridiculous semantics, it's like picking someone up on referring to a child as their niece/nephew just because they're the uncle's long-term gf rather than his wife.

OP isn't filling in a legal form, she's typing on an internet forum where terms are used for ease of reference.

@GreyhoundG1rl

They've been together for 35 years. Nobody could argue that's not an established relationship. One year is slightly different. At what point in this first year of being a couple would you think referring to your partners kids as step children would be appropriate? Two months? Six months? A year is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

It depends on the situation!

Introducing children you have known for a year as your stepchildren to people within earshot of those children....not appropriate. Insisting the children refer to you as a stepmum...not appropriate.

Asking for advice on an anonymous internet forum where it's an easy way to denote who these children are....totally appropriate.

What does it matter to anyone on here that OP is referring to them as her SCs? People are just making a point of it to make her feel bad and to put her in her place.

What does it matter to anyone on here that OP is referring to them as her SCs?
It doesn't matter. She asked 😂

@GreyhoundG1rl

They've been together for 35 years. Nobody could argue that's not an established relationship. One year is slightly different. At what point in this first year of being a couple would you think referring to your partners kids as step children would be appropriate? Two months? Six months? A year is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I think, honestly- who cares? What @Bibidy said was spot on.

@GreyhoundG1rl

What does it matter to anyone on here that OP is referring to them as her SCs? It doesn't matter. She asked 😂

I know she did....but I'm talking about people here who are taking her to task for daring to refer to them as her stepchildren at all, even on here.

"No, but my partner has two"

It's only been a year. I wouldn't say you're anyone's step mum yet.

I call my stepfather of over 20 years my stepdad because I also have a dad but when I refer to myself to someone is relation to my stepdad, I say, "Hi, I'm (stepdad)'s daughter".

A year is nothing though.

You say no because you don’t have children.

You’re not their stepmother and if you’ve only been with your partner a year I assume you barely know them.

Asking for advice on an anonymous internet forum where it's an easy way to denote who these children are....totally appropriate.
Eh? The advice op asked for was "is it appropriate to refer to my partner's children as my step children?" in real life face to face situations - she referenced meetings and hairdressers as examples, so I'm unclear what your actual point is?

This is just ridiculous semantics, it's like picking someone up on referring to a child as their niece/nephew just because they're the uncle's long-term gf rather than his wife

It's not semantics and its not pedantry. IF you have a boyfriend of only a year, his kids are not your step children. They just are not, we all know that.
Telling the actual truth is not semantics.

@GreyhoundG1rl

Asking for advice on an anonymous internet forum where it's an easy way to denote who these children are....totally appropriate. Eh? The advice op asked for was "is it appropriate to refer to my partner's children as my step children?" in real life face to face situations - she referenced meetings and hairdressers as examples, so I'm unclear what your actual point is?

Sorry greyhound, although I quoted your post my response wasn't really to you, it was to those people who are on here making a point that OP shouldn't be referring to them as her SCs at all because she's not married, has only been with their dad a year etc etc, even though she has been clear that she doesn't refer to them as her SCs or to herself as their SM in front of them and wouldn't until (if) they asked her to.

Although to be honest the advice OP actually asked for was how people answer when asked if they have any children. I took her post to mean more do you say you don't have any kids or do you tell people that you do have these children in your life, and if so what term to you use.

@PaperbackRider

This is just ridiculous semantics, it's like picking someone up on referring to a child as their niece/nephew just because they're the uncle's long-term gf rather than his wife

It's not semantics and its not pedantry. IF you have a boyfriend of only a year, his kids are not your step children. They just are not, we all know that.
Telling the actual truth is not semantics.

I think it is totally semantics.

It's like people on here who refer to their MIL when they are not married - it's just for sake of ease because it's the easiest, quickest way to define that specific relationship so that others understand.

SM/SF is just the same except people load so much more emotion into it unnecessarily.

it's just for sake of ease because it's the easiest, quickest way to define that specific relationship so that others understand

You don't understand...they don't actually have that specific relationship so its not the quickest way to describe it. It's a lie.

Saying MIL when you mean your partner of ten years mother is quck and easy shorthand, yes. Saying MIL when its the mother of a guy your're dating for 6 months is not.
Do you see the difference?

I say no, and if it's relevant to the conversation I will say DH has one (married and been a SM for a looong time).

@PaperbackRider

it's just for sake of ease because it's the easiest, quickest way to define that specific relationship so that others understand

You don't understand...they don't actually have that specific relationship so its not the quickest way to describe it. It's a lie.

Saying MIL when you mean your partner of ten years mother is quck and easy shorthand, yes. Saying MIL when its the mother of a guy your're dating for 6 months is not.
Do you see the difference?

I do understand but I really don't think it matters in the context in which OP is speaking about it.

As I said, I would agree it was inappropriate if she was going around introducing these children as her stepchildren in front of them, or asking them to call her that, but she isn't. She has specifically said that.

And tbh neither stepchild or mother-in-law denote an actual personal relationship, they are just titles essentially conferred by a marriage. So theoretically SCs, SM's, SFs, MILs, FILs, BIL's, neices, nephews, etc etc don't exist in families where there is no marriage between a couple but yet all of these terms would often be used by people when chatting to others about members of their other half's families, particularly on internet forums.

You're still missing the point but you see determined to, so I can't be bothered to explain further for you.

@Notcrackersyet yeah I can't stand that either makes my hairs go in end.

I get a lot of strangers ask questions to my DSD 'oh isn't mum funny' and we just look at each other and smirk but I used to be like 'OH I'm not mum' to save being awkward. Altho my DSD said to me 'it doesn't matter - we can pretend' which was like phew cos it annoyingly happens so much! Especially as I have my own DD

I don't think it matters what you call her whether you've been with a partner for a decade or a boyfriend for 6 months if you're coming on an Internet forum to ask if his mother is being a total dick to you. You're just trying to indicate the mother of a man you're in a relationship with. No one needs to know more than this to determine whether she's being unreasonable for insisting that you sit on the floor when you visit her house despite there being perfectly good chairs available (for example).

I guess the question in the longer term version would be: why are you still with a man who lets his mum behave like such a dick? But she's unreasonable however long you've been together.

It would be weird to introduce her to people as your MIL in real life 6 months in. But that's different.

@FishyFriday

I don't think it matters what you call her whether you've been with a partner for a decade or a boyfriend for 6 months if you're coming on an Internet forum to ask if his mother is being a total dick to you. You're just trying to indicate the mother of a man you're in a relationship with. No one needs to know more than this to determine whether she's being unreasonable for insisting that you sit on the floor when you visit her house despite there being perfectly good chairs available (for example).

I guess the question in the longer term version would be: why are you still with a man who lets his mum behave like such a dick? But she's unreasonable however long you've been together.

It would be weird to introduce her to people as your MIL in real life 6 months in. But that's different.

Exactly.

My step mum says she has five kids, hers sons and her two step daughters. I like that. I also say I gave four siblings

Say whatever you feel comfortable with and this may change depending on who you are speaking to.