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Step-parenting

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Original poster

To continue seeing my step daughter

45 replies

Mumoftwo09 · 18/04/2021 07:52

My 13 year old Step Daughter doesn't want to see her Dad anymore but wants to continue seeing me, my daughter (step sister) and our son her brother.

She has decided she no longer wants to come to our house and stay cause she doesn't want to see her Dad. Her reasons are he never bothers with her when she is here and he just shouts at her all the time, tells her to go away. She has been part of my life for 7 years and we are close as are her and my daughter.

My partner and his family say I am going against my partner if I continue to see her. What would you do?

OP posts:
Wurrg · 18/04/2021 07:54

Is it true? What she's saying?

BruceAndNosh · 18/04/2021 07:54

Maybe your partner needs to think about improving his relationship with his daughter rather than insisting you damage yours too.

HelloDulling · 18/04/2021 07:54

You absolutely see her. Your son is her brother! This is your partner’s fault, no one else’s. Don’t let him/his family blame your.

UseMyName · 18/04/2021 07:55

They are making you choose between them and a child? They sounds lovely Hmm

I would definitely see her, doesn’t mean she won’t change her mind about seeing her Dad in time.

Original poster
Mumoftwo09 · 18/04/2021 07:56

@Wurrg yes I should have pointed out it is true what she says.

OP posts:
GlitchStitch · 18/04/2021 07:58

You would think that your partner would be pleased she is still having a connection with his family unit and that he might see it as an opportunity to try to improve things as the door isn't being completely shut. The fact that he wants you to cut her off for his own ego suggests she's probably spot on about him being a pretty shit Dad.

NerrSnerr · 18/04/2021 07:58

She has decided she no longer wants to come to our house and stay cause she doesn't want to see her Dad. Her reasons are he never bothers with her when she is here and he just shouts at her all the time, tells her to go away.

Is this what he's actually like with her? What is he like with his son? If this is what he is like why are you with him?

NerrSnerr · 18/04/2021 07:59

Cross posts. What is he like with your son?

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 18/04/2021 07:59

[quote Mumoftwo09]@Wurrg yes I should have pointed out it is true what she says.[/quote]
Then why on earth are you with him?
Is this what you want for your child too?

In your shoes I would be leave and ensure I still had regular contact with my step daughter.

Wurrg · 18/04/2021 08:00

You need to leave him then surely?

funinthesun19 · 18/04/2021 08:07

How and where will you see her?
Will she come to the house when her dad isn’t there or will you go out and meet up with her somewhere?

I would be very uncomfortable living like this. Not about seeing dsd, but staying with him when there is so much tension in the air. You’re stuck between a rock and hard place at the moment.

saltychoc · 18/04/2021 08:10

Your partner sounds horrible.
Is he horrible to you and the other children?
If he falls out with the other children will you be expected to cease seeing them too?

Mumoblue · 18/04/2021 08:43

Your partner sounds awful. To be honest I’d be telling him to fix his attitude or find a new place to live.
If I’ve read the relationships right then your son is her half brother? Then you have every right to continue to establish a relationship at least between them.
What’s your stepdaughters mother like?

lunar1 · 18/04/2021 08:45

Is he like this with all the children?

Mumbo1234 · 18/04/2021 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 18/04/2021 10:42

Her father should be mortified that his DD doesn’t want to see him anymore due to his shitty behaviour. Instead of him trying to stop you maintaining a relationship with his DD he should be trying to improve his own with his eldest child. Him and his family sound shit

KoalaOok · 18/04/2021 13:20

It's tricky as it is up to your SDs parents. If her mum is happy to allow contact then I don't see why not though if that's what you want.

KoalaOok · 18/04/2021 13:21

And if what she says is true I'd be careful as he may start to treat your children the same.

Pinpointer · 18/04/2021 13:26

Leave him and have her over to spend time with your daughter and her brother and fully facilitate that contact.

He sounds neglectful at best.

Singlenotsingle · 18/04/2021 14:05

She's family, as your ds is her brother. And sif she doesn't want to see her dad that's her prerogative. The dp sounds horrible. LTB.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2021 14:11

Why are you with such a horrible man?

mrfrostywasadick · 18/04/2021 14:13

Why are you with him? What a dick.

Elieza · 18/04/2021 14:17

Why does he shout at her?
Does he shout at anyone else?
Does he have good reason to shout?
Is that why the ex and he split up?
Does he feel he is shouty and see what this is doing to the relationship or is he in total denial?
Is he one those angry little men who don’t say boo to a goose at work but come home and take their frustration out by bullying others at home?

Sounds like a prince amongst men. Why are you with him if he is so horrible?

KoalaOok · 18/04/2021 14:17

@Pinpointer

Leave him and have her over to spend time with your daughter and her brother and fully facilitate that contact.

He sounds neglectful at best.

Unfortunately as soon as OP leaves her husband she may not ever see her stepdaughter again. I'd sound out her mother and see how she feels.
Tiredoftattler · 18/04/2021 14:22

OP, your husband seems to be taking a very short sighted and immature response in dealing with his problems with his daughter. Immaturity may be understandable from a 13 year old, but it is not at all understandable when coming from adult and parent

Your partner's extended family members are being very intrusive in trying to set boundaries around your and your daughter's friendships and relationships. Your son should not be denied a relationship with his sister and your daughter should not have to lose a friend because you partner cannot adequately maintain his relationship with his daughter.

It must be taxing to try have an adult relationship with an adult who is given to immature and childish decision making.

It seems that rather than having 2 children ( your son and daughter, you actually have 3 children, ( your partner, your son, and your daughter).

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