To continue seeing my step daughter

[Mumoftwo09]

My 13 year old Step Daughter doesn't want to see her Dad anymore but wants to continue seeing me, my daughter (step sister) and our son her brother.

She has decided she no longer wants to come to our house and stay cause she doesn't want to see her Dad. Her reasons are he never bothers with her when she is here and he just shouts at her all the time, tells her to go away. She has been part of my life for 7 years and we are close as are her and my daughter.

My partner and his family say I am going against my partner if I continue to see her. What would you do?

Yes I’d still see her if her mother is happy with that
I would want to facilitate a relationship between her and her siblings

I would however be asking why I was with a man who was so disinterested in his child that she can’t bare to be around him

What namechange said.

What?
Your partner should be feeling horrified that his own daughter doesn't want to see him due to his behaviour!
He should be doing everything possible to change and beg his daughters forgiveness not worrying about you "going against him"
His family are just as awful.

Why are you with a loser like him? Why would you want your daughter to live with a man like this?
Yes, if the poor girl wants to see you and her step/half? sister then you should.

What? Your partner should be feeling horrified that his own daughter doesn't want to see him due to his behaviour! He should be doing everything possible to change and beg his daughters forgiveness not worrying about you "going against him" His family are just as awful.

Sadly, parents who drive their kids to the situation have a total lack of understanding about how their actions or lack of affect people around them.

I bet the dad is feeling he is the offended party and waiting for his DD to apologise.

Its really unfair of your partner to expect you in essence 'reject' his daughter because she doesn't want to see him ( for good reason based on your posts). At 13, she's old enough to decide who she'd like to spend her time with so. I'd hope her Mum would be supportive of that too.

Very sad her Dad doesn't see how he's created this estrangement himself. Poor girl that he wants to deprive her of you, and her step/half sibs who clearly have made the effort to have a relationship with her.

I wouldn't want her to feel even more rejected, so yes, I would continue to see her.

What a shame his family aren't having a word with him about his behaviour.

To be fair, though, this is another example of women picking up the slack for men, sigh.

Surely you mean your ex?

Thank you for all the responses.

This whole Situation has certainly opened my eyes a lot.

Our son is a baby so he's not the same with him right now. But it does make you see what the future could hold.

He's happy to just let his daughter go and his family are too. They say by trying to make an effort to fix things with her then it would be just jumping to her princess demands. They can't see her point at all just see it as she's picked her mother's side and been horrible to her dad.

Her mum is happy for me and the kids to continue to see her. She wouldn't come to our house anymore we would have to take her out somewhere to see her.

Once you have sent your man child back to his your dsd can continue her relationship with you and her sibling as usual.

On your case I would sell see her and be making plans to leave

How can he and his family be so cruel?

I have been divorced many years from my ex, but have the most wonderful relationship with my step daughters who haven't spoken with him for many years. They also have a great relationship with my dc's.
However, I do want to caution that they are well into adulthood. I am not sure that it would have gone as well if they had stopped speaking with him when they were 13.

I would encourage your husband to try to improve his relationship with his dd alongside maintaining your relationship with her.

PS...please take very seriously his willingness to leave his dd behind....he will treat your ds the same. It will NOT be different. I made the mistake of thinking it would be.

Hell would freeze over before I stopped seeing her! And any man who gave me an ultimatum would find his bags on the doorstep.
Take care to protect yourself OP. Even if you aren't ready to leave him he's showing you very clearly who he is. Make sure you have the means to leave because if he doesn't wake up soon and start behaving like a decent man, you are going to want the option sooner rather than later.

This sounds horrendous but kudos to you for keeping a relationship with her and her siblings. You are clearly a postage influence in her life. Your DH and family sound hideous to be honest and I would be thinking about preparations to leave.

Positive ffs.

He's happy to just let his daughter go and his family are too

Your husband and he's family are fucking horrible.

Flipping heck.

Big fat LTB.

But not your SDD. My own SDD is only 1 yr older than yours, I’ve been in her life 8 years, and I’d be heartbroken to lose her. She's relying on you to provide her as much of a “family life” with her SSis and HalfDB as you can. Be brave, don’t let her down!

Do you have any relationship with her mother? If you left her Dad would her mother allow you to see her still?

There is actually case law that states that a half-sibling should be allowed to have contact with their younger half siblings, if it's in all the children's best interests to have that relationship. In the only case that can be easily found the older half-sibling was a young adult, while the younger two were primary age. The father was the one who tried to stop the children having a relationship.

www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed72155