AIBU to think that equal often ends up being unfair on resident DC not DSC?

[DuggyOnDown]

Another thread got me thinking...

We often see it trotted out on here that everything should be equal between DSC and resident DC.

However, I often find that that is actually unfair on resident DC, something which I think a lot of posters never think (or care) about.

My example on the other thread and the main one for posting is things like Christmas presents.

So according to lots of people here, DSC and DC should get exactly the same (in terms of cost obviously presents aren't always going to be identical) and it doesn't matter what my DSC then go and get at their mums house.

But why doesn't it matter? Especially as children get older, resident DC will be aware that their siblings also then go and get things at mum's house too so why is it totally unfair to expect DSC to understand that resident DC may get a little more at our house because they also get things from their Mum but it's expected of resident children not to care or be upset about it?

For example, my DSC got loads last year for Christmas from their Mum and her parents. Games consoles etc... And couldn't wait to come and tell us all about it, including their half sibling. It seems that our DC is just supposed to accept this and not be upset but that my DSC would be scarred for life if our DC got more spent on them at our house than they did.

Why is one unfair and the other not?

I always feel on this subject that people tie themselves in so many knots trying to be equal that they actually end up being unfair on the resident children.

I'm sure someone will come along and tell me it's fine because 'at least my child's parents are together' but I don't agree that children should have to be grateful for that. It's not how they think.

Like it or not they have the benefits of two parents, seeing them every day rather than end of the week or a few days a week. As a child they won't understand that but you as a an adult should be able too.

As an adult, you should understand that a step child's parents being separated is no reflection on them and no reason to be upset. Since when have we judged things from an adult perspective as if that makes the child's perspective redundant? Certainly doesn't happen with step kids.

Like it or not they have the benefits of two parents, seeing them every day rather than end of the week or a few days a week. As a child they won't understand that but you as a an adult should be able too

Why do people always assume that the resident children have their patents together?? My children are the resident children of my household but my DP is their stepdad which is a very common set up!
So no, resident children often don’t even have that luxury!

I agree with you totally.. my step son has a whole other life and family away from us. Our children only have us and our family. Same with holidays, our children only have the holidays we take them on, step son has the ones his mum takes him on so we don’t stress about taking him on every trip. He doesn’t want to come either to be fair but still.