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Step-parenting

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Original poster

My son does not respect my partner

50 replies

mooommymorgan · 16/03/2021 07:41

My son, 18 years old, is jealous of my partner, has attitudes of indifference and intolerance for any rule.

For example, my man hates the fact that the phone rings or that he surfs the net when we are at dinner, or he urges him to tidy up his room, to dress his clothes for better hygiene. Nothing, he is impatient with everything. Moreover, now he doesn't study or work.

I am trying to protect him, hoping that he will change, but the situation at home is deteriorating. The emotional relationship with my man is suffering a lot.

He accuses me of being an inept, uneducational, and very weak mother. A mother who indulges her children too much.We have been trying for months to have a baby, and Sunday night - I ovulated- but it came out. He said he's not sure of his feelings anymore.

It is really very sad, I am faced with a very sad choice, son or husband. It was In plan to get married soon. What would you do in my place...thank you

OP posts:
FlatteredFool · 16/03/2021 07:44

Do not have a baby with this man. What are you getting out of this relationship because he's awful. Put your son and yourself first.

EmmaJR1 · 16/03/2021 07:45

"Your man" is condescending and called you weak. I certainly wouldn't be having a baby or getting married to someone like that. In fact I'd be leaving him.

Your son sounds like an arse. He needs to get a job or study. If he refuses the. You need to ask him to leave.

Maybe the shock will do something?

jessstan2 · 16/03/2021 07:46

Your partner sounds a bit intolerant, maybe he is not used to teenagers and your son is fairly typical.

Why on earth are you trying to conceive with this man? You are not childless. Having a baby won't improve matters.

Sleepingdogs12 · 16/03/2021 07:49

This sounds dreadful. I can see why your son doesn't respect him. Why are you wishing to have a baby with this man? The atmosphere in the house must be terrible. Please don't continue this relationship for you or your son..

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 16/03/2021 07:53

Are you sure it is jealousy your son feels? It sounds like your DP is flexing his muscles and letting the young male cub know where he stands, and your son is resisting.

This is an old old story. Nee husband ousts the offspring of another man from the nest.

So many street homeless teen boys are there following clashes with a step father. The Lion King, Greek Tragedies...

It isn’t an accident that this is happening as you approach having a baby.

Also your DP sounds inexperienced with and intolerant of teenagers.

Of course your son shouldn’t be using his phone during meals. You probably do need to let him know what standards you expect in your home. But you also need to let him know that you won’t let a man you have brought into his home bully him.

How long ago did this man move in?

How do you feel when he tells you you are inept etc?

Kick him out, then focus on your sun and kick him in to touch, fast. You can’t ‘hope he will change’, change needs to be made to happen. He is at a crucial stage, and needs to get his act together with your support.

Teardrop2021 · 16/03/2021 07:54

Why are you trying to gave a baby with mam who is at the very least emotionally abusive.

DinosaurDiana · 16/03/2021 07:54

I’d kick the man out and support your son.

MonochromeMinnie · 16/03/2021 07:55

How long has your "man" been living with you? My mother moved her partner in with us when I was 16 and my brothers were 18 and 13. He started trying to call the shots too, thinking he could discipline us when he was nothing to do with us! He and my 18 year old brother hated each other and it culminated in physical fights which were terrifying. He threw my brother out at 19 and our mother just stood there. Protect your son and get rid of the partner or risk having adult children who hate you.

Original poster
mooommymorgan · 16/03/2021 07:56

because an exceptional man.
He acts like a father, and is much more financially generous than I am.
he has no children, and we have always dreamed of having a child of our own.

OP posts:
WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 16/03/2021 07:57

It is really very sad, I am faced with a very sad choice, son or husband. It was In plan to get married soon. What would you do in my place...thank you

Why would you even need to think about this. Your child. Every time.

While I would agree with your 'man' that phones should be away at meal times, he sounds like a bully. Its no wonder your son doesn't like him.

MyOtherProfile · 16/03/2021 07:58

Sounds like your partner doesn't respect your son (or you) very much either. He's the newcomer to the household and needs to make more effort, frankly.

Shmithecat2 · 16/03/2021 08:00

@mooommymorgan

because an exceptional man. He acts like a father, and is much more financially generous than I am. he has no children, and we have always dreamed of having a child of our own.
What is exceptional about a man that "accuses me of being an inept, uneducational, and very weak mother. A mother who indulges her children too much"..???
DitheringBlidiot · 16/03/2021 08:01

An exceptional man would not call a woman a weak mother whilst trying to also get her pregnant

TheBusiness · 16/03/2021 08:01

How many children do you have?

ChancesWhatChances · 16/03/2021 08:01

Your 18 year old is a typical 18 year old and should not be subjected to your partners rules. He’s not a child anymore, keep going and he’ll move out, you’ll lose him.

Why on earth would you want a baby with this man?

rattlemehearties · 16/03/2021 08:02

If you're such a bad mother (according to him), why does he want to have a baby with you?!

GoddessKali · 16/03/2021 08:03

@mooommymorgan

because an exceptional man. He acts like a father, and is much more financially generous than I am. he has no children, and we have always dreamed of having a child of our own.
He is NOT an exceptional man! From your comments alone I can categorically state that for you. He may think he is, he may tell you he is, he is not!

As for financially generous...... so money is more important to you than your sons happiness? Confused

Magnificentmug12 · 16/03/2021 08:04

Well I don’t think it’s a terrible thing not wanting technology at the table at meal times.

It doesn’t need to be a choice. Your son needs to get back into education or start work, he is 18 and needs to find some independence. If you just tolerate this I can see why your partner is frustrated.

As long as your partner isn’t being intentionally mean and just trying to help then I can’t see the problem. If you partner doesn’t like the way you parent then he shouldn’t have a child with you.

NailsNeedDoing · 16/03/2021 08:07

Your son sounds like he has the right idea. Why would you want to have a baby with someone that tells you you’re inept and weak as a mother? That person is not someone that acts like a father.

Your son sounds like he’s lost his way in life, which has been easily done over the last year to be fair, especially for his age group who have been treated like crap. A good father figure would provide encouragement, not constant criticism. It’s no wonder your son is finding life hard being forced to live with someone like that.

Original poster
mooommymorgan · 16/03/2021 08:08

is subject to the rules because it supports them financially, without making them miss anything. I'm sure he would have acted the same way with his biological son. This summer he bought him a big motorcycle, but he hates children who don't study and don't work.

For this reason he considers me a weak woman, incapable of giving an education.

OP posts:
Original poster
mooommymorgan · 16/03/2021 08:13

@Magnificentmug12

Well I don’t think it’s a terrible thing not wanting technology at the table at meal times.

It doesn’t need to be a choice. Your son needs to get back into education or start work, he is 18 and needs to find some independence. If you just tolerate this I can see why your partner is frustrated.

As long as your partner isn’t being intentionally mean and just trying to help then I can’t see the problem. If you partner doesn’t like the way you parent then he shouldn’t have a child with you.

that's the gist of it exactly.
OP posts:
marshflamingo · 16/03/2021 08:14

You must have only had awful, awful men in your life for this nasty piece of work to seem "exceptional" . He's not even respectable.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 16/03/2021 08:18

Ah so he scatters money about........ For fucks sake get some self respect woman.

Original poster
mooommymorgan · 16/03/2021 08:18

you are starting from a misconception.
He's the stepfather and he's misbehaving, and he's not....
since we met he has done everything he can to support and advocate for my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
mooommymorgan · 16/03/2021 08:20

morally and financially.

OP posts: