Hoping that one day

[Fairystepsthought]

There might be a moment of gratitude shown by my step children and yours too! 💗

Nah, i have never received a card or anything and don’t expect to. It is not worth getting upset about.

I see this from both ways. I'm a step parent and never expect anything. I more get upset that I've had several miscarriages and feel like Mother's Day is hard for those reasons. I've never expected anything from anyone but acknowledgment would have been very appreciated if I was lucky enough to receive anything.

Being a step parent, I would never get upset that I didn't get anything from them as I know I'm not their mum. I also didn't get my father's wife anything. However, she came on the scene in my twenties and I don't know her that well.

On the other hand, my partners children live with us full time as their mother is... satisfactory... at best. I do more than their mother does for them as she can't be bothered and makes excuses. I still don't expect anything for Mother's Day though, but again can see it from both sides as I do so much for them and it goes unnoticed and I would feel disappointed if my partner bought her something from them and not me.

All in all, I think it depends on the kind of relationship you have with your step children and their ages.

My dp's dd sent a text which I thought was really sweet and considerate, was over 18 when we met

My dss mum put together a little bag of bits like chocolate and face masks for me for dss to give to me. Really sweet, apart from the last time I saw her she was screaming at me and calling me a bitch in front of dss for sitting in the front seat of dhs car...

Hmmm, I got upset the first few mother’s days....I felt I was doing a lot for fuck all acknowledgement . Got over myself,, did less and worried less.

It does get better in a lot of cases. My adult step-children have phoned me and sent flowers today. Hang on in there. 💐

Happy Mother’s Day to all the step mums out there. I wouldn’t ever expect anything and it doesn’t make me sad to not be acknowledged but if SC decide one day down the line to acknowledge me on Mother’s Day for being a positive and loving influence in their life then that’s cool too.

I think that young children do and actually should be able to assume that their parents ' job is to love and support them. This should be a given in their lives and not something for which they should be required or expected to be appreciative. As they become older, they will understand the value and significance of what they received.

The person who should be appreciative of your efforts is your partner. You do what you do because of your involvement with him or her. You did not choose these children ; you chose the man. You are not necessarily acting out of love for the children but out of love for the man.

If you feel that your partner is not appreciative of your efforts, you should let him know. The children may never think of you on Mother's Day because you are not their mother, but they should be polite and kind 365 days of the year. Your partner should also be appreciative everyday.

A good mom would ensure that her children recognize the effort that you make on behalf of their dad and a good partner would recognize the effort that you make on his behalf. The children are the beneficiaries of your efforts, but the effort is made to please or satisfy your partner. If you feel under appreciated and need validation for your efforts, speak to the person that you are working to please. Let him know that you want tangible recognition for your efforts.

I agree stepmums (usually) deserve appreciation for what they do but why on MOTHER’S day?

@Itlod1982

I agree stepmums (usually) deserve appreciation for what they do but why on MOTHER’S day?

Ooh maybe because some step mother's do more actual mothering than actual mother's do?

Why not if their stepchildren want to show it?

@Itlod1982 erm maybe because we mother our step dc and its nice to be appreciated. My dss (7) said thank you for helping dad look after me in his card. It's nice to have a bit of recognition and thanks for the extra mental load an extra child brings.

I have had cards and flowers from my dds and dsd.
But they live with us mostly and one is almost nc with her mother.
I definitely am the person who acts as a mother for her.. I love her as a daughter and would never treat her or her sister any less than my own daughters

DD and her class made cards in school on Friday. if they had plans for their mum already, they were encouraged to make a card for another female relative. DD chose to make one for her step mum. I was a bit sad as in the past I would always have had 2 cards but I realise that this will mean a lot to her step mum - she and my ex got married this year. I know she does quite a bit with DD so I'll probably encourage it. Not in the spirit of the thread, but step mum thinks I'm a nasty cow, so I get extra joy out of finding sneaky ways to be nice to her!

@Hillary111 if they want to show it then I think that’s lovely. I was responding to OP how seemed to think it should be what is done.

I’ve got a DD and a DSD, I would never expect anything from my DSD as I’m not her mother. However, if my DD chose to acknowledge her step mum then I would think it was lovely.

Other than I’m the cases where the BM is not around, I don’t believe a step mum looking after her SC while their dad has contact counts as “mothering”. They might be supporting and caring for them but they’re not “mothering” - I certainly don’t “mother” my DSD.
I live and care for her but her mum “mothers” her

I don’t expect anything today specifically but would appreciate the odd thank you or appreciation at another time but then I don’t think kids minds really work that way

I agree @user1493413286
All stepmums should be appreciated for all they do all year round but children rarely think that way about their own parents never mind anyone else.
I just don’t see why it would be expected on Mother’s Day?

Three years ago my SS asked his Dad why he hadn't got me anything for Mothers day....I've had a card and flowers/chocolate ever since. He's 9 now and he chooses to celebrate both his mum and I on mothers day (even though he wasn't happy he had to go see his mum today, but that's a story for a different day 🤦🏻‍♀️). He makes a card for his mum at school and chooses me one in the shop. I feel very grateful for the relationship I have with him, especially when I see how rough others have it

I had a lovely message from my stepdaughter today on Facebook, and she dropped off a card and gift. We had a tricky relationship in her teenage years, but reconciled when she started her own family. I have always remembered my own stepmum on Mother’s Day too, though found that more tricky after my Mum died, as it felt I was being disloyal.

Been in DSS life since he was 6, now 18... previous years until this one I’ve bought him flowers and a card to give to his mum.
This year first year of a job and funds etc he bought both his mum and I flowers and chocos for Mother’s Day. A welcome surprise 🎀🎀🥳

So it does get better for those out there... he’s a fantastic adult and brother to his siblings and a well rounded child.

I don't think there should be any pressure on children over these things as there can be some very conflicting emotions and adult expectations put on them.

The partner of a step parent should absolutely be recognising their contribution in some way though, especially stepmum's as normally they often (rightly or wrongly) end up taking on a massive amount of 'wife work' where the children are concerned.

Not even a text from my dsd. But that was the same last year and at Xmas and on birthdays. It stings a little given I do a lot

Feeling a little bit blue today re DSD. I've been in her life 16 years so far and just feel a bit snubbed. I absolutely am not her mum, nor am I a substitute mum, she has a mother whom she loves and I 100% get that.

DH put up a fb post for me from our DS and DD this morning, they are 6 and 2. DSD has been active on FB this morning, liking other Mother's Day posts and adding her own for her mum, but she's ignored mine. It all feels very very petty when written down and I know that, but it's conspicuous in its absence and actually, it hurts.

I thought we'd been through the difficult years and were in a good positive place, but it just makes me wonder if it's all still very superficial.

Sorry for the long post, I know it's just a really silly thing but hurt today.

I have gratitude from one but nothing from the others 2, literally them only care about their stomachs, games and what they can use us for 🙄🙄

[quote Itlod1982]@Hillary111 if they want to show it then I think that’s lovely. I was responding to OP how seemed to think it should be what is done.

I’ve got a DD and a DSD, I would never expect anything from my DSD as I’m not her mother. However, if my DD chose to acknowledge her step mum then I would think it was lovely.

Other than I’m the cases where the BM is not around, I don’t believe a step mum looking after her SC while their dad has contact counts as “mothering”. They might be supporting and caring for them but they’re not “mothering” - I certainly don’t “mother” my DSD.
I live and care for her but her mum “mothers” her[/quote]
Ah ha ha. My DSD said last year ‘mothers’ day is only for step mothers if the real mother is dead’. She was six so I didn’t take offence.
I don’t know whether my DSD is wise beyond her years or ...