Saving for children’s Future

[Bailsgd]

We have done this for a couple of years but my in-laws have just found out personally I think it’s nothing todo with them however they now know and are am saying we are wrong for doing to

So my husband had a child with his ex and one with me both kids have savings accounts I put the amount I’m happy with in my sons account each month my husband puts the same amount in both kids accounts each month the in-laws has decided that’s not far because my son will end up having more in his account and I should be putting the same amount in both accounts to make it far I’ve said no because she’s not mine I don’t mind paying for food and days out when she’s here but don’t see why I should put money away we have asked her mother if she wants to add money to the account but she says she can’t afford it that’s fine money is tight for everyone at the moment but she’s also not happy about it

This came from a privet conversation I was having with my brother about him leaving a house to my son in his will They can’t understand why he wouldn’t be sharing the house between the kids I’ve tried to explain that as much as I and my family like the child she isn’t ours my son is

I know some people won’t agree but I’m just feeling down when all I want to do is look after my child

I have 2 DSC and 1 shared DD.
I only save for DD. DH has spoken abut setting up savings accounts for all 3 but hasn't done anything about it.
DSC will inherit from their Mum and are the only children of their generation so will likely inherit from other relatives too. I have no idea if she saves for them but its non of my business, just like me saving for DD is no-one elses business.

It’s none of your in laws business. I save for my DS and DD but not for DSD. She has a mum and dad to save money for her so she doesn’t need 3 people to while my DC only have me and DH.

I'm saving enough for each of our shared DC to have £50k each by the time they are 25. DH puts into these accounts, but at half the rate I do. The amount he puts in is equivalent to what he saves for his DS, so he is treating his 3 DC equally. I don't save any money for DSS.

I have no idea what DSS mum saves for him, but whatever it is, he shouldn't be upset with my DC (his siblings) for the fact that his DM didn't put money away for his future, or the same as what I save for my DC, or because his dad couldn't afford to save what I can.

You need to close the conversation down when your in laws bring up the topic. It's none of their business.

@spookycookies

I have a half sister and our relationship is strained. Somewhat due to my jealousy as a child. She got the best holidays, trips to Disney every year and a winter sun break too. I went abroad with them once in my whole childhood and my only other holidays were trips to the seaside. I would therefore feel upset if they got enough to put aside a deposit on a house and set themselves up and I had much less. But maybe I'm just a jealous person.

You should be upset with your mum or dad who facilitated that treatment, not with your sister. Given that she was a child, she had nothing to do with those choices!

You should point out to your inlaws that it wouldn't be fair on your child if you did that because then 3 adults would be saving for SD and only 2 for your child.

I dont put into my SDs savings as she isn't mine. That is her mums responsibility. My SD won't be getting any portion of inheritance from me directly either for the same reason.

I totally agree. Pay for days out and gifts etc certainly, but not when it comes to future finances.

I don't have any DCs of my own, but I certainly don't see it as my place to save for my DSC, that's down to DH and their mum. Same with inheritance - DH can do what he likes with his own assets, but my DSC won't inherit from me, or from my side of the family, most of my family have only met them a couple of times. Your in laws need to butt the hell out!

I only save for my own children. DH pays child support every month and the mother should be doing this for her children.
I feel zero obligation to sacrifice my child's money for their SB's.
Sorry not sorry!

Of course you're right op. My husband pays for and saves for his step children, my sons, because he wants to and has brought them up. but I wouldn't expect his family to and I've brought property and inheritance into the relationship so it all evens itself out.

DH pays child support every month and the mother should be doing this for her children
Just because he pays child support doesn’t mean that’s all the financial input required or allowed. As a parent he could set up and pay into accounts for his children if he cared to do so 🙄

@Amanda87

I only save for my own children. DH pays child support every month and the mother should be doing this for her children. I feel zero obligation to sacrifice my child's money for their SB's. Sorry not sorry!

Child support is for day to day care, clothes, food, heating and so on...not savings

Why on earth would you put the same amount into someone else's child's savings account?! They're not your kids, if your in laws have got a problem with it then tell them they are free to top it off, that child's mum and dad should be putting money into their savings account, if they can't then tough, it's not your problem unfortunately.