Bedrooms!!

[badgerread]

I’ve written about this before but can’t find the post. DPand I of 8.5 years have decided to buy together. The house we’ve found has 4 bedrooms all being of a decent size (think 13x13ft). My DS (16 & 11) live with me full time as their DF died 18 months ago. DS16 is at boarding school coming home every Sunday for the day and every third weekend Fri to Sun plus all the holidays. DS11 is at the local state school therefore home every day.

DP has 50% care of DS17 (18 in September) and DS15 (16 in August). DS17 will be driving in a month or so and DS15 is going to a boarding 6th form in September 2.5hrs away (his choice, specialist sports college). They spend the other 50% with DM who lives 45 minutes away and is where they grew up and went to school.

We were planning on either splitting one of the bedrooms with a stud wall making two bedrooms of 13 x 6.5ft OR two of the boys share, leaving three doubles and two singles (or have two sharing). I feel that we and my DS should get the doubles with DP’s DS getting the singles as they are not there as much. One going to boarding school 2.5hrs away in September and the other being 18 in September so won’t be a strict 50% as he’ll want to hang out with his mates where his Mum lives and where he went to school/goes to college. They have two homes and therefore a choice as to where they spend time. Mine don’t have that choice and only have one home. DP thinks they should have equal bedrooms as they do at their DM’s.

He is kicking off massively and I am standing my ground. Why should mine either share or have the smaller rooms when his aren’t around as much??

I have spoken to my children about what they think and they'd like their own rooms as the others aren't around as much. He won't speak to his about what they think as he doesn't agree with me so won't support the idea?

I'd split the rooms to make a single for every child and a big spare room / games room.

Kids don't vanish at 18. They will probably be back for university holidays and all sorts.

We're sorted! thanks all. We're splitting the biggest room and his are having the split rooms (14x7) and everyone's in agreement. Woohooo!

Purchasing a property with someone to whom you are not married is an investment and not a joint relationship matter. Both parties should be able to receive what they want and need in a real estate investment transaction, and those wants and needs should have nothing to do with court ordered visitation.

If the OP were making this investment with any other party , they would not be expecting their non-related children to view this as some type of family venture. As an investor, each of them should expect exactly what they would in any other arms length transaction.
It is usually a mistake to want to treat a group of tangentially related people as though they are a family unit when trying to structure a business transaction.

The children involved may not have a need or desire to be viewed as some type of blended unit. They are all old enough to want their own space and privacy. The OP's partner may also want a certain amount of designated space to be available for his visiting family members now and in the future. Assuming that both are making equal investments in this property, that is not an unreasonable expectation for the partner to have.

"I wouldn’t buy a joint house with someone who wasn’t prepared to treat them all equally."

But treating them equally is not the same as treating them fairly. Giving them exactly the same things makes no sense as they do not have the same needs. If all four kids lived there full time it would be fair to split equally, but they don't.

Op, glad you managed to solve it !