Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DSD and wills

88 replies

Anniegetyourgingirl · 03/02/2021 16:39

WWYD? My DSD is 20 and I have been in her life since she was 3. DH and her mum separated when she was a baby. They had bought a flat together and he signed over his share to his ex. It was in an up and coming bit of central london, ex stayed there 10 more years and did well out of it when she sold. Ex will inherit quite a bit from her own parents at some stage, which will presumably come to DSD (only child) in due course.

DH and I have two kids (8 and 10) and we get on well with DSD, and it is amicable with her mum too. No dramas about money, contact etc. We had previously written a will which guaranteed maintenance payments to DSD until she turned 18 but all else to me / in trust for our kids if we both died. We need to update it now. My feeling is that we should have mirror wills (I/he gets everything if he/I die) but that the 'if we both die' version should still just be for our own DC. He wants a provision for his DSD in both versions.

What have others done? How much should be given to DSD as a 'special provision?'

(I have seen a couple of other similar topics recently but starting a new one as my situation is different so don't want to takeover on another thread!)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

marshmallowfluffy · 04/02/2021 18:16

If one of your children earned much more than the other would you consider adjusting the will in favour of the lower earner or would it be 50/50 regardless as you wouldn't want them resenting each other?
I think that there are some exceptions but generally you have to leave equal percentages in order not to create problems between the siblings later.

ladyslattern · 04/02/2021 18:17

I don't think anyone can rely on inheriting anything. DSD's Mum could end up paying expensive care home fees.

glassshoes · 04/02/2021 18:27

Your husband gave that that 50K to his EP, not his DD. The DD may well not inherit a penny of this in any case, but the same stands if she does.

I think it's actually quite simple looking at this objectively. You go 50 50 with your DH and half and thirds to give equally to the children of each.

Ibizafun · 05/02/2021 18:43

In a non-blended situation a child would usually wait till both parents had passed for inheritance and I don’t see why step families should be different in respect to that, but with regards to allocation, obviously your dh must split his share 3 ways.. so she inherits from her mother too? Good for her! But your dh loves his kids equally.

Love51 · 05/02/2021 18:52

Split the value of the estate at the point when second adult dies into 5. His DD gets 1/5, joint Dc get 2/5. No child inherits til adult 2 dies. If he dies way after you he'll split it equally.
Problem is adult 2 might remarry, and leave it all to new spouse who leaves it all to their own dc. After adult 1 dies it isn't their money any more, it is adult 2s.

Alienchannell21 · 05/02/2021 19:00

Agree with others that DsD should get 1/3 of what her dads inheritance. That's the only fair way.
Nobody knows whether her DM will leave anything to her DD. They may fall out and she will inherit nothing from anyone which would be very unfair.

Marley20 · 05/02/2021 19:56

You've got to do what's right for your family. If DSD stands to inherit a significant amount from her mum I don't see why that shouldn't be taken into consideration. He has 3 kids and needs to make sure they're all taken care of, it doesn't seem fair if one child gets a lot and two significantly less. Do you know how your DSD feels about it?

NailsNeedDoing · 05/02/2021 20:08

How can it not seem fair for each child to inherit equally from each of their parents? It couldn’t be fairer.

If you have a problem it’s because you disagree with a financial choice your DH made before he even met you, but that is nothing to do with you so you have to let it go and accept how it is.

Atrixie · 05/02/2021 22:08

You can’t give consideration to what DSD may or may not inherit from her mothers side. That is nothing to do with you.

SandyY2K · 06/02/2021 10:04

@Ibizafun

In a non-blended situation a child would usually wait till both parents had passed for inheritance and I don’t see why step families should be different in respect to that

The difference is SP cannot 100% be relied on to carry out the wishes of the bio parent and there is no legal obligation in relation to inheritance law, that they leave anything to the SC once it's all theirs.

They can simply and easily change the will.

There are many cases where the parent died first and the SP on their passing left everything to their own biological child.

Even where the SP doesn't have children, there have been cases where they have left everything to nieces and nephews.

If the SP remarried and dies before their new spouse, the child can end up with nothing.

Wills and money can cause problems at the best of times and those problems can just get magnified in a blended family.

The best way to ensure your child receives what you want, is to leave them something on your death.

Getoutofbed25 · 06/02/2021 10:13

This ⬆️
I gave the same position and when I eventually make a will (soon) this is what I would like to do.

If I die first then I want my assets split 50:50 between my children with access to my husband for the family living expenses. I’d also like my share of our property split 50:50 to our children and his share split 3 ways.

Equally if he should die his son should be entitled to a third of his assets, however I gave pretty much had to give up my career to raise our family and feel I need to ensure there is sufficient capital for us to live comfortably baring in mind my reduced earning potential if he were to die.

It feels quite complex

Getoutofbed25 · 06/02/2021 10:14

Sorry I was supposed to be replying to a post that said split your assets 50:50 and his 3 ways

Candleabra · 06/02/2021 10:42

Inheritances throw up complex emotions though, that can't be dealt with by carefully worked out percentages. (no matter how fair and reasonable).

It very much depends on your relationship with your DSD and what you see as the family unit. Is it you, DH, DSD and your two kids, or is DSD separate?
She may think of you as her family too and be hurt beyond measure if you leave her out of your will. And no amount of logical thinking "she got this from her own mum, or more from her dad" will make up for the feeling that she was less valued than the other kids.

LenaBlack · 06/02/2021 10:51

I still think SD should be taken care of separately. The house goes to the surviving spouse.
So DH gets a life insurance that gives SD a bigger share to equalise with the value of the house. So if she was to get 20% she gets the cash from insurance when he passes and the house goes to you.

Do the same for if you die first as your DH will split it all 3 ways! So your 2 get a lump sum to make up the discrepancy.

Kendodd · 06/02/2021 11:16

That doesn't seem fair?

Lifes not fair, many people inherit nothing. He has to treat his children equally though, I think you see that.

One last point OP, the average age to inherit in the UK is 61, who knows what their situation will be then.

Youseethethingis · 06/02/2021 11:25

And no amount of logical thinking "she got this from her own mum, or more from her dad" will make up for the feeling that she was less valued than the other kids.
That’s a whole other discussion centred around questioning why a grown woman would expect anyone to love and provide for her in exactly the same way as she would her own DC.
She’s not going to be a little child when she inherits, it’s not unreasonable for her to be expected to understand who her Mummy in and who her Mummy isn’t.

NailsNeedDoing · 06/02/2021 12:28

@Youseethethingis

And no amount of logical thinking "she got this from her own mum, or more from her dad" will make up for the feeling that she was less valued than the other kids. That’s a whole other discussion centred around questioning why a grown woman would expect anyone to love and provide for her in exactly the same way as she would her own DC. She’s not going to be a little child when she inherits, it’s not unreasonable for her to be expected to understand who her Mummy in and who her Mummy isn’t.

She (the dsd) wouldn’t be expecting anyone who isn’t her parent to love and provide for her the same as their own dc.

She’d be expecting to be treated the same way as her own siblings by the parents they share. That’s nothing to do with the OP. OPs asserts don’t need to be split three ways, but the person who had three children does need to split their assets three ways.

Lackofsleep123 · 07/02/2021 08:51

My will states anything shared with my DH will be split between three kids (DSD and our two children), anything I save for myself that doesn’t involve DH etc will be split between my two children.

PeggyHill · 07/02/2021 09:01

I am the step child in this situation and my parents have recently updated their wills. They asked me to be executor so I was privy to the details of their decision making:

My mum will leave everything to my Step Dad if she dies first. My step dad will, in turn, then split his will evenly between me and his daughter from previous marriage. My Step Dad will leave everything to my Mum if he dies first, and she will split her will evenly between me and step sister.

Me and step sister are not close. Haven't spoken in over 20 years. No major animosity, as such, but we didn't get on that well as young ones and then she went to live with her mum in another country and we lost touch. My parents don't hear much from her either.
My parents both felt it was only fair to treat us both the same. I have no idea if she will stand to inherit much from other people and I don't think it's right to make assumptions about that kind of thing. My real dad is still alive but he has nothing and will probably not even have enough to cover his funeral costs, which I imagine will fall to me as his other children are much younger than me.

SandyY2K · 07/02/2021 12:47

@PeggyHill

That seems fair but the one who survives could change their will.

All depends what age when they pass, but they could remarry and that would change things. You just never know what the future holds.

Findahouse21 · 07/02/2021 12:49

@exLtEveDallas

Split all assets 50/50 between you and husband.

Your ‘share’ is split 50/50 between your 2 DCs.

His share is split 33/33/33 between your 2 DCs and his one DD.

This sounds perfect to me

Tiredoftattler · 07/02/2021 15:44

Your stepdaughter should not be disadvantaged because of the efforts and affluence of her mother and maternal grandparents. Your husband would be allocating his resources and all 3 children share the exact same connection and blood affinity with him.

The reasonable think to do would be to consult an estate attorney or financial planner to get the best possible advice.

LenaBlack · 07/02/2021 16:37

Your stepdaughter should not be disadvantaged because of the efforts and affluence of her mother and maternal grandparents

Equally she should not have an advantage over her half siblings becouse of her step mother.

MrsPworkingmummy · 07/02/2021 16:43

Op, we've recently written our wills. They are mirror wills so the surviving spouse would get everything if only one of us died , however, if we both die, my half goes to our two DCs and his half goes between all 5 of his (including our) children. That means our two children get 35% each and his children get 10% X

Candleabra · 07/02/2021 17:00

The problem with this, is that if he dies first, his other kids get no inheritance from their father.

Flip

1 2 3 4