DSD and wills

[Anniegetyourgingirl]

WWYD? My DSD is 20 and I have been in her life since she was 3. DH and her mum separated when she was a baby. They had bought a flat together and he signed over his share to his ex. It was in an up and coming bit of central london, ex stayed there 10 more years and did well out of it when she sold. Ex will inherit quite a bit from her own parents at some stage, which will presumably come to DSD (only child) in due course.

DH and I have two kids (8 and 10) and we get on well with DSD, and it is amicable with her mum too. No dramas about money, contact etc. We had previously written a will which guaranteed maintenance payments to DSD until she turned 18 but all else to me / in trust for our kids if we both died. We need to update it now. My feeling is that we should have mirror wills (I/he gets everything if he/I die) but that the 'if we both die' version should still just be for our own DC. He wants a provision for his DSD in both versions.

What have others done? How much should be given to DSD as a 'special provision?'

(I have seen a couple of other similar topics recently but starting a new one as my situation is different so don't want to takeover on another thread!)

If he dies then some of his estate needs to go to his dd, but not to the point that it sees you and your dc on the street (e.g immediately having to sell your house to give DSD her share).

Basically, you have 2 dcs, he has 3 and your shares should be split accordingly, maybe with a provision for you to remain in the house if he dies first and for his portion of that then to be split 3 ways afterwards.

You can arrange wills so that the surviving spouse has a lifetime interest but the property is willed to the children. Your step daughter is your husband's child so his half should go three ways and your half two ways.

@sleepyhead

If he dies then some of his estate needs to go to his dd, but not to the point that it sees you and your dc on the street (e.g immediately having to sell your house to give DSD her share).

Basically, you have 2 dcs, he has 3 and your shares should be split accordingly, maybe with a provision for you to remain in the house if he dies first and for his portion of that then to be split 3 ways afterwards.

This.

He must ensure his eldest will still inherit without depending on you to do the right thing. There are so many stories where the older children end up with nothing.

There could be 20 years between your deaths and anything can happen in that time no matter how well intended everyone is now.

It doesn't matter what her mum will do, his assets eventually need to be split between his three children equally.

Split all assets 50/50 between you and husband.

Your ‘share’ is split 50/50 between your 2 DCs.

His share is split 33/33/33 between your 2 DCs and his one DD.

You don’t think his child should get anything should he die, have I read that correctly?

You think he shouldn't leave anything to his child?

If it was me - I would go for a 3 way split between your dc and dsd if you die together. Anything else will potentially cause problems between them. I understand that you feel your dsd will also inherit from her mother - but that’s not her fault.
I’m with your dh. I would absolutely want provision for dsd in both versions, and would be very upset of this didn’t happen

What resources your husband will leave to his children should be split equally among his children. The ex's estate nor the financial circumstances of the daughter's maternal grandparents should be a factor in determining the distribution of the father's assets.

I wouldn't want a mirror will that leaves everything to the other, without thinking about my DC if I was him.

If he dies before you, you could remarry and your new H gets it all. Where's the guarantee that his DD would get anything at all?

Or you could simply decide not to leave her anything and all to your DC.

I actually think he should leave something for her in his will. If he goes before you...then everything you have goes to your DC when you pass.

She shouldn't have to wait for both of you to pass before she inherits from her dad IMO.

His children are all equal. Everything you have should be split 50/50. His 50% should be split between all his children. Your 50% goes to the children you share.

Why did he just sign over his share to his ex? That's where the discrepancy is I think..he should take on a life insurance or something and take her of his daughter that way..rest shoukd go to you.

Your DH half of everything you own together should be split three ways between all his children. Your half can be split between your two. Your DH is absolutely right to make provision for his oldest dd. If he dies she loses her dad who will be leaving something to his children, of which she is one. It is completely irrelevant what her mum might leave her.

Have mirror wills so that your DH/you stay in the house until death, or can downsize without difficulty, and that on you deaths the estate is split 3 ways between the children. Saying DSD has her mothers inheritance etc to come isn't fair until she actually gets it, as anything could happen and she would get nothing. If she does inherit from her mother then amend your wills accordingly. Make it about current needs

How much should be given to DSD as a 'special provision?'

Are you serious? She should receive the same amount as all her father’s other children, assuming no disability that needs to be provided for.

There are no guarantees regarding her mother’s estate, particularly is she ever requires care. And it beggars belief you think your children should somehow be compensated for a property your husband signed over and was then subsequently paid for by his ex for 10 years. Or did he pay for that property until it was sold?

Why should the step child get nothing? She's just as entitled to your husbands share as the other kids

@LenaBlack
Often when a spouse signs over property equity in a divorce, it is because they lack or choose not to pay the cash required to meet their share of the asset split required by the settlement. It can be beneficial to sign over equity in order not to deplete or reduce a liquid position.

It is not usually done out of generosity but more to not reduce the spouses cash availability status. The recipient spouse is not getting a gift , instead ,he or she is just accepting the equity as a form of payment.

You don't think any of his money should go to his eldest because you have him new kids?

Threads like this give SMs a bad name.

Everyone here is unanimously saying the same thing- relatively unheard of for the SM forum. His share goes three ways yours goes 2 ways. I sadly think your DP is absolutely right to insist on his DD getting a share. Quite obvious that you would screw her over completely.

Leaves a sour taste OP and incredibly sad.

He must ensure his eldest will still inherit without depending on you to do the right thing. There are so many stories where the older children end up with nothing.

Yes this happened to me and was sad. The step parent involved didn’t even have their own biological children and I never found out where my parents assets went.

Stepmum and mum here. Cutting her out of his will is unacceptable. Her finances are nothing to do with you.
Please. Do. Not. Do. Mirrored. Wills.
I’ve got my entire estate going to DD with right to abode to DP. He has the same.
He has a responsibility to all his children.

I think it's foolishly trusting for a spouse to rely on their surviving spouse to carry out their wishes and provide for the SC.

No matter how much they say they will...I don't see why the child should have to wait for the SP to pass away before getting their inheritance.

They are inheriting from their parent, not their step parent.

We've drawn it up so that imagine DH and I split everything 50/50... then his share is split between all 3 of his kids (two are mine) and my share will be split between our two kids. So our two will get more than the step son but our kids will also get inheritance from my parents, which DSS won't get.

I think you have to do what feels right for yourself and you're family. The main reason we did it this way is because most of the money in our house came from me, and my parents help. Plus like your DSC mine will receive a fair share from his mother and DH signed over ALOT to his ex in the divorce. She took him for everything (whole other story) 🙈

Thanks for your replies. You've given me lots to think about. I should perhaps have made it clearer that when he signed over flat to ex, they had recently purchased it (that's a whole other story) so he basically gifted her the £50k deposit that he had saved. That has always been seen (by him / me / ex) as having been a major financial sacrifice. Impacted our own chances of buying locally, etc. At the moment, it feels like DSD and her mum are independently in a comfortable position. However, I don't want to cause a row now or in the future. So I think that a 50: 50 and 33/33/33 for him is best. I never thought of myself as mean or mad in regard to this, so I have some thinking to do!

From reading this thread, I'm not sure everyone quite understands how Wills work.

If your original Estate passes to each other in the first instance, then your Wills say different things, then it will only be the Will of the second of you to die that is applicable. So, if your DH's Will splits three-ways but yours splits into two, if he dies first then his daughter will not receive anything, because your Will will ultimately state what happens to the Estate.

The best thing, and most fair thing, to do is give everything to each other but for the property to be put into a life interest Trust. The ultimate beneficiaries of the Estate can then be all three children. The two of you can decide what shares pass to whom, e.g. an equal split or 1/5 to DSD and the rest to your two. I think it should be equal, but that's for you to decide.