Worms!

[Givemestrengthwiththeex]

Hey!

Ok, so a couple weeks ago, dsd had really smelly hands, kept touching my face, so when I asked what she has touched, she complained to me about having a bum so itchy, she has to scratch inside (she’s only 3) so I told my dh and asked him to tell her mum. This didn’t happen (argument happened instead) and dsd told her I said she has worms and it turned in to a whole issue, like I was bullying the child.

So doubtful she has been treated, but the contact between dh and ex is so strained it’s impossible to even talk about the kids welfare without her revoking contact.

Two weeks later.... I have worms! 🙈 me and my partner will obviously get treated. And he’s going to tell her again that she needs to treat the kids. But... it’s like she is ashamed and in denial that this could happen to her perfect children. So he is fully expecting an argument from her.

My question here is... with such a strained relationship between them, do you think if she stays in denial that it’s acceptable for him to treat them? Or should he just keep on at her to do it?

I’m a bit of a germaphobe and I think I will have massive anxiety about them being here without treatment!

Sadly, she is classed as someone that experienced domestic violence as there was an incident after they broke up. I won’t go into it. But my DH has a criminal record for it now. And yes she has since brought to light through messages that she played on it to teach him a lesson for leaving her for someone else (not me) . Her son (7) has also spoken out about that day as it makes him “not want to be a boy, because girls can hit them and they can’t do anything about it”

That’s a whole other story.

But DH has lack of trust for court/legal procedures. He’s scared of her manipulation. But we are in agreement tonight that this is the route we will take to do right by the children. It’s really affecting them now they are getting a bit older.

Hi @Givemestrengthwiththeex We have a CO for "contact" with SD8 and SS6.

It was very long and drawn out. His ex threw everything and the kitchen sink at him but in the end, it didn't matter. It did increase the costs, I will admit, but all of her accusations were unfounded and subsequently dismissed by the court.

The biggest cost was to my poor DH's mental health. It took him to hell and back and my heart aches for him. He's never really gotten over it.

The biggest gain? Is for the children. Their Mum is... an unusual woman.
I don't think she really offers the children much stability. They move a lot. They've had a lot of new "Daddies" (whom they must call Daddy) and their school attendance with her is below the legal minimum. Plus, their house looks like something from Kim and Aggie.
And so, when they come to see us, it's nice and consistent. Same old Daddy and Omicron. Same bedroom. Same routine. Lots of fresh clean clothes and home cooked meals. Makes it all worth it!

But the most pertinent point I want to make is about the CO itself!

It's a god send. Lots of BMs like to strut the CO around as if it's some demonstration about how terrible Dad is. ("Had to take him to court because he's an abusive this'n'that")
In the case of our BM, she seems to think she owns it. Har har. Funny because she's the only one bound by it!

"Mother MUST make the children available for..."

Every CO is different, but in almost all cases, it binds the parent with residency to a schedule. And this is why it makes us feel safe and why it was worth every penny.

Because, when we had to politely inform her that the children were repeatedly arriving with athletes foot and please could she treat her own household, although she tried to blame us, she certainly couldn't withhold DH's contact because of it!

Good luck. And sorry to hear about the worms!

Get RID of othe dog... Like it's a piece of f*cking rubbish???
That bitch would be out of my life completely. I wouldn't even allow her name to be uttered in my house! Ever again!!! I'd be so closed off to her that I genuinely wouldn't see her if I passed her on the street!
And I'd probably find that now is the time to finally introduce a nice new rescue into our family that is desperate for a lovely home with its very own loving family.
As for the worms, treat your family and dsd and if she keeps getting them back from mums then possibly look towards isolating her towels/bedding etc so that they are kept separate from rest of house and boiled after each visit. If it went on for more than a few weeks I'd send the bitch (get rid of your dog indeed) a bill for extra laundry costs.
Ooh my bloods boiling with this one and not even about the original problem!!!

@Justriseaboveitkiddo our thoughts are exactly the same. DH said dog is cleaner than her 😂 she really is a piece of work. I didn’t think BM like this actually existed and when we first met and he said she was crazy I rolled my eyes and said they all say that what have you done 🙈 now I know he wasn’t exaggerating and I have my very own stalker 😂

As far as I'm aware it would have to be ongoing domestic violence currently not something he did years ago plus its limited she couldn't drag it out for years she would only be covered for a few actions the rest she would pay for

Go to mediation get that ticked off (the courts like you to try first) or go to court you can self rep he isnt asking for anything Unreasonable just regular consistent contact

Her dps wages are taken into account when applying for legal aid. DV isn't automatic legal aid criteria.

It’s neglect, report it. Dads have got to stand their ground more. They’re always so frightened of exWs pulling contact that they let themselves get blackmailed. So what if she does, she’ll only do it for a couple of weekends and then she’ll realise how shit that idea was and come crawling back for the babysitting service. Meanwhile you’ll have a couple of child free weekends doing what u want. Win win!

You don’t have to pay a lot to go to court.

He doesn’t need a solicitor. It would be handy to perhaps engage one to start by sending her an official letter stating the intention to go to court if access is not agreed etc. This might cost a couple hundred.

Other than that he can do it all himself using the vast amount of help available on line. (Just ensure to use official advice and solid reputable parenting forums).

My partner has done it himself twice without a solicitor,
There are fees but they aren’t into the thousands, far from it.

Please don’t let this fear of lengthy court battles and solicitor fees stop him from seeking a proper contact order.

She will be invited to mediation before any court date anyway, if she declines that she will be summoned to attend court and work out a contact agreement and assuming no safeguarding issues it is more than likely he will get one.

No court will look kindly upon a RP withholding access unnecessarily.

Why are you letting this woman dictate your lives.

Go to court and get it sorted otherwise you will beholden to her for the next 15 years.

And in relation to giving her medication when it is necessary then of course he can. He is her parent. As long as he communicates it so that she doesn’t double dose her then why would you think it would go against him in court?

And as far as the demands over the dog.... there are no words, oh yeah actually there are: GO TO COURT FOR AN OFFICIAL CONTACT ORDER