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Original poster

Worms!

33 replies

Givemestrengthwiththeex · 01/02/2021 12:33

Hey!

Ok, so a couple weeks ago, dsd had really smelly hands, kept touching my face, so when I asked what she has touched, she complained to me about having a bum so itchy, she has to scratch inside (she’s only 3) so I told my dh and asked him to tell her mum. This didn’t happen (argument happened instead) and dsd told her I said she has worms and it turned in to a whole issue, like I was bullying the child.

So doubtful she has been treated, but the contact between dh and ex is so strained it’s impossible to even talk about the kids welfare without her revoking contact.

Two weeks later.... I have worms! 🙈 me and my partner will obviously get treated. And he’s going to tell her again that she needs to treat the kids. But... it’s like she is ashamed and in denial that this could happen to her perfect children. So he is fully expecting an argument from her.

My question here is... with such a strained relationship between them, do you think if she stays in denial that it’s acceptable for him to treat them? Or should he just keep on at her to do it?

I’m a bit of a germaphobe and I think I will have massive anxiety about them being here without treatment!

OP posts:
Leaninghouse · 01/02/2021 12:40

Of course its acceptable, is she with you enough for it to be feasible for you to do it though

Notcrackersyet · 01/02/2021 12:42

It looks like it’s an over the counter treatment. Surely your partner can just do the treatment and let mum know?
www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/stomach-liver-and-gastrointestinal-tract/threadworms

Notcrackersyet · 01/02/2021 12:43

Obv you are not going to take medical advice from a random on the internet (me!) But I guess my question is why does dad have to pass the problem to Mum to resolve when he might be able to take care of it himself?

SpongebobNoPants · 01/02/2021 12:55

Just treat her.
We had persistent problems with SD’s mum with not treating headline or verrucas so we had to continually treat the girls when they came to us which proved very expensive but what other choice did we have?
In the end we took both SDs to the doctor to get their verrucas frozen without mum’s knowledge.
She wouldn’t have consented but equally wouldn’t treat them and to rid the children of them they needed treating every other day which their mum wasn’t willing to do.

Worm treatment is just an ovex tablet you can buy in any pharmacy, just treat the kid and also treat everyone else in the household. Mum doesn’t even need to know

MyGodImSoYoung · 01/02/2021 13:02

I agree that you just need to treat it yourselves.

DSD had a verruca at the beginning of lockdown last year. It was being treated (or, perhaps, not!) by her DM and she didn't really mention it.

We then went away in October and DSD showed me the verruca... it had mutated and taken over most of her bloody foot. Poor child had been mentioning it to her mum who just kept putting some over the counter stuff on it, which was ultimately burning away at her skin but not doing anything to the verruca itself.

Not advocating the same approach, but I got some tweezers and little pins out and dug the nasty thing out of her foot. She was so relieved and a week later there was no evidence it had ever been there.

Her mum was so pissed off that I had dared deal with it, but she had had the verruca for 7ish months.

Prepare for the backlash from her mum, but you need to do what is right for the child.

dementedpixie · 01/02/2021 13:07

Why didn't her dad treat her when you first found out? Its an OTC treatment and he has as much right to treaf her as her mum does.

Shmithecat2 · 01/02/2021 13:15

Why didn't your dh just treat her as soon it was suspected? Confused She's his daughter, he's not the babysitter. Is he always so passive with his 'parenting'?

Dcadmam001 · 01/02/2021 13:21

I’m going to disagree her - I would get the dad to get a prescription from her doctors ( he can check then mum hasn’t already had a prescription) with worms you need to treat everyone in the house anyway so you should have treated your family at first suspicions. Dad can text mum saying your household has worms and he will be treating her when she next visits unless she confirms she’s already done it

dementedpixie · 01/02/2021 13:26

You dont need a prescription for worm treatment, just buy it from the chemist.

Berthatydfil · 01/02/2021 13:48

It’s possible that mum or anyone else in that household could have been infected in the same way as op and if that household isn’t treated and bedding towels hot washed it then it will just keep coming back.
Is there any way it can be framed neutrally by your dh in a message to her dm ie
We have found we have worms in the Givemenstrength household. We have taken medical advice and have been advised to treat everyone in the household with (OTC remedy) and also to do XYZ. (Eg cut nails, wash hands frequently, etc) for x days and to take another dose in 10 more days. We will be including dd in this as she has been here over the last x days and is at risk of being infected. You may wish to also adopt the treatment just in case.

Original poster
Givemestrengthwiththeex · 01/02/2021 14:04

Thank you for all your answers. My DH doesn’t get to see the kids often because of anything upsets their mum, contact is stopped. It’s even gone as far as stalking me and blackmailing him. It really is ridiculous. She has him by the balls where the kids are concerned and he is used as just a babysitter. He’s not allowed to parent them so to speak because she just goes crazy about it and withholds them from him. So when we notice anything is up. He lets her know. She’s usually pretty good at sorting them out. But some reason me saying about worms has got to her. We haven’t seen the kids since and I’ve only noticed worms today. She’s been in denial since and I’m of course bullying a 3 yo. To be honest we probably won’t get to see them any time soon anyway. But I’ve bought a family pack to treat us adults, and there will be enough left for them. Just wondered if it would be out of order to administer a medication against their mothers will. For regular contact he will need to go through court, because this just isn’t working and he’s so scared that every little thing will go against him.

To be honest she may even have treated them and just saying they don’t have them to save face, not realising I would get them two weeks later because dsd was feeding me chocolate with her stinky fingers before I noticed 🤮

OP posts:
theconstantinoplegardener · 01/02/2021 14:13

Hmm, tricky. The problem with you treating your DSD for worms is that, if her mum also treat her, she will be having too much medication. Really, the adults in her life need to communicate properly about this, for the sake of DSD's health and well-being. I think Dcadmam's suggestion is good: text mum and say that you'll be treating DSD for worms next weekend unless Mum confirms she's already done so. Ideally, ask mum to confirm either way (so you know she's seen the text). However, as Bertha points out, mum will also need to clean thoroughly at her own house for treatment to be successful. Do you think this is likely to happen?

Shmithecat2 · 01/02/2021 14:16

@theconstantinoplegardener

Hmm, tricky. The problem with you treating your DSD for worms is that, if her mum also treat her, she will be having too much medication. Really, the adults in her life need to communicate properly about this, for the sake of DSD's health and well-being. I think Dcadmam's suggestion is good: text mum and say that you'll be treating DSD for worms next weekend unless Mum confirms she's already done so. Ideally, ask mum to confirm either way (so you know she's seen the text). However, as Bertha points out, mum will also need to clean thoroughly at her own house for treatment to be successful. Do you think this is likely to happen?
He should've gone to court as soon as she started pulling that shit. Why didn't/hasn't he?
Santaiscovidfree · 01/02/2021 14:24

Given how well you both know his exes style of control he should he sought legal advice long ago..
Or this is it for 15 years...

Original poster
Givemestrengthwiththeex · 01/02/2021 15:23

Update:

He text her to offer the remaining treatment for the kids. She declined, bitched and moaned about me, told him we need to get rid of our dog to see the kids again.

I don’t have children and this dog is my baby. And almost certainly cleaner than her 🙈 the dog will be going nowhere.

He doesn’t have any money to pay for court and legal fees. She always says she will drag it out to cost as much as possible and she doesn’t work so is entitled to legal aide. She is very manipulative of people. He says he’s going down that route and she allows contact again for a few weeks just to stop him doing it. Until she’s upset again. Then this same cycle.

Just need to get on with it this time. But she will withhold contact if it goes ahead. And he misses them far too much. He literally just takes any moment she will allow just to be able to see them.

OP posts:
Santaiscovidfree · 01/02/2021 15:30

She thinks the worms came from your ddog?!!

Santaiscovidfree · 01/02/2021 15:32

She won't get legal aid unless she is a dv victim. Being unemployed does not mean free legal services anymore.
Call her bluff and seek legal advice.

Shmithecat2 · 01/02/2021 15:33

@Givemestrengthwiththeex

Update:

He text her to offer the remaining treatment for the kids. She declined, bitched and moaned about me, told him we need to get rid of our dog to see the kids again.

I don’t have children and this dog is my baby. And almost certainly cleaner than her 🙈 the dog will be going nowhere.

He doesn’t have any money to pay for court and legal fees. She always says she will drag it out to cost as much as possible and she doesn’t work so is entitled to legal aide. She is very manipulative of people. He says he’s going down that route and she allows contact again for a few weeks just to stop him doing it. Until she’s upset again. Then this same cycle.

Just need to get on with it this time. But she will withhold contact if it goes ahead. And he misses them far too much. He literally just takes any moment she will allow just to be able to see them.

You're not entitled to legal aid just because you're unemployed.
Santaiscovidfree · 01/02/2021 15:33

It's £215 to apply for an arrangement order...

Theunamedcat · 01/02/2021 15:37

Bullshit she is entitled to legal aid go for mediation some charities will do it for free

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 01/02/2021 15:43

Your DSDs lovely mother is badly informed - she’s NOT entitled to legal aid for family court unless there’s domestic violence.

Berthatydfil · 01/02/2021 15:55

Your dh can self rep and will only need to pay court fees.

Tigertealeaves · 01/02/2021 17:06

Threadworms only infect humans. Send her a link to NHS site!
www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/stomach-liver-and-gastrointestinal-tract/threadworms#causes-of-threadworms

DwangelaForever · 01/02/2021 18:15

They would need to treat their household as well though or it will just keep coming back to you!

Blendiful · 01/02/2021 19:01

The other posters are right, she will not get legal aid, so if she thinks that she will find herself sadly misinformed. It is only DV victims who get legal aid and proof is required in the form of police reports etc.