So...
Exw has reported to cafcass she thinks he domestically abuses me. As part of a court case for her to get sole custody. As part of a report.
He never has. Report included me apparently declaring this to exw. Not true either. (And surely if he was who they declared him to be, unwise to say in a report he saw - knowing full well he was going home to his wife and younger children) .
End of the report declared "can not advise further contact" .
Now on thar basis he abided by that so as to not rock the boat and show he was complying.
Week later he accidentally drove by them without noticing. Hour later exw text saying how he should have stopped, should have come round to see them etc etc.
He explained he hadn't seen them. Would have stopped if he had. She could have called to let him know he had missed them, he would have turned round. She carried on over how upset kids were (9 and 12) .
She gave him more abuse back. He asked to please agree a stance here so he knew what to do for future. Text eldest to let them know the essential drive by wasn't intentional.
Both ignored.
Exw finally replied a few days later declaring that (despite her original text) no. He shouldn't show up. But he should have asked to.
But he didn't. Not because he didn't want to. But he is told by her constantly not to even message them as it stresses them out, so by default didn't want to just turn up at their door and create issues. And now with the cafcass report makes it more of a danger field for him to go against her and do so.
Yet when he doesn't, he is accused further of being a bad dad.
And what neither of us understand, if he was a domestic abuser, which is apparently confirmed by me, why would she want him turning up at her house to see the kids, and why wouldn't she be grateful when he drove past and genuinely didn't see?
I know if my babies were from an abuser, I'd not push for them to be seen by him. Let alone send abuse for not randomly turning up at my home or not stopping us on the street.
It just doesn't add up.
Whole report was very much a "mum said and seems factual. Father said and seems an allegation"
They even re-worded half of what he said so it came across as a "potential issue" . Despite him being willing to show medical proof or other evidence. Few times they even declared certain things he raised as "safeguarding issues" on mother's part, yet wasn't included in the report.
Not even sure what I'm asking. Just frustrated.
I don't think he is an angel, no one is. Not even me as a mum or her as a mum. But it feels like he is being set up to fail. He follows what he is told to in the hopes to calm things, he had a court order and followed that.
None of which she has liked. The more he complies while still holding boundaries up, the more it gets worse.
He will video call the kids (pre report) and it will be muted, they look up and then parrot similar to the mum.
In report it stressed she went for it, yet he hadn't fought for her to comply to it.
But when this got bad again he did beg her to go to mediation to resolve the issue. Which was ignored. He just had to wait a few more months to save enough to do the mediation plus court. As the last time she never showed for mediation.
Yes maybe on paper he should have applied for mediation and turn up himself knowing she wouldn't. But he wanted enough to cover all basis. We all went without this end to save that.
I think I'm just venting.