Does Xmas make it harder for you as a step parent with adult step children??
I've been with my DH for about 17 years. He was widowed 24 years ago. He has 3 adult children who all have their own family's. We married about 15 years ago, doing our best to include and involve them and the grandchildren. I am their step mother although they don't live with us and wouldn't call me this. More like dads partner or my name.
Most of the time they are friendly and polite. There were issues in the early days when they were hostile and ignoring me and I knew I was talked about and unfavourably compared to their mother, because I've been told about it. Much of this has improved as they've got to know me and realise I'm not trying to take on the role of their mother - in fact as I've often said to them that if we'd known each we would probably have been friends I see my role with my step children as one of being not a mother substitute more an older friend and support to them, I genuinely do like them.
Xmas brings the inevitable increase in contact and especially since Covid19. I always join in with our zoom chats etc in fact my DH always includes me as he says I'm part of the family and his wife. But a big but is that I can sense their subtle hostility - I feel like I'm not seen as "being me" but as "not their mum" I know it's not about me and it's good for them to catch up and chat to each other as they all live in different countries and don't see each other very often. I come away feeling put down, ignored and "not me"
Today is their mums birthday and they want to do a zoom chat and I know it will be all about her and I'll feel even more like "mrs nobody"
I'm getting myself a bit stressed by this upcoming zoom chat and I'm thinking I'll pretend I've got a phone call to take from my sister or something like that. What do you think?
Does anyone else feel like this and what do you do to cope with these situations?