I can sleep because she's a great step mother

[WhyNotMeThough]

I see lots of threads about step mothers and by step mothers, because being a step mum is hard.
So I just wanted to say how grateful I am for my children's step mum.

I consider myself a good ex-wife 😆. I just live my life. My kids stepmother came into their lives when they were quite young. She moved in with their dad, and not once did they ever feel a bother to her. She looked after them as though they were her own whenever they were at their dads. They felt safe, loved, warm, happy. She gave them everything they needed.
Now they are adults and she has made her place in their lives.

I'm grateful to her.

Thanks for posting.

Thanks, you’ve perked me up. That’s not the general vibe you get on mumsnet towards us.

I'll add my voice to this thread. My DC's step-mother is great and I know they will always be safe and loved when they're away from me. She takes an interest in their interests, their emotional and physical well-being and their education, all whilst respecting my role as their mother. When I think back to my own step-father and the bullying and resentment I had to endure as a child I'm incredibly grateful and relieved that exh chose her.

Life is so complicated. Her relationship with my ex husband is completely different to what I had with him. They're happy. It's a happy home and she definitely created that and my kids were happy whenever they were there. They were welcome. A happy ending 😊.

Hopefully you could have slept knowing your DC were safe and well cared for by their father.

But it’s nice you think highly of their stepmum. Have you told her? I expect it’s been a positive set up because you’re positive about her and not trying to sabotage her or their relationship with her.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Hopefully you could have slept knowing your DC were safe and well cared for by their father.

But it’s nice you think highly of their stepmum. Have you told her? I expect it’s been a positive set up because you’re positive about her and not trying to sabotage her or their relationship with her.

No, absolutely not true. Had she not cared for them things would have been completely different. That was my point in posting. Yes I have told her, a number of times over the years.

My husband is a great stepdad and ex's wife is a great stepmum.
I think DD is very lucky. She is surrounded by people who love her and want her around. She has a great relationship with both of them.
We all just get on with our own lives and involve each other in the important stuff. We're not pretending to be best friends but we muddle along fine.

@BunTooti it sounds like you have it sussed 👍. DD does sound like she is a very lucky girl.

What a nice post. Thank you OP

Yep my sons stepmum is wonderful her an the whole family have treated my boy like one of there an hope they will have this great relationship always.

That's good to hear! I'm a step mother to (now adult) children. The early days were tough as my husband and his ex argued a fair deal. However since the became terms we all get on very well, and meet regularly for coffee/catch up. It can work, given time and good will.

Awww that's lovely OP. The line of children have a father and he should be the parent is often trotted out on here. You can should all you want but it often isn't the way and decent stepmother can make all the difference to the quality of life of the children as can an ex-wife who does her best to make it work even though everyone has their faults.

I know more step mums who are allies to the birth mum than enemies. The few examples I have known is step mum discussing or checking with birth mum to be on the same page with discipline issues and birth mum knowing that she trusted step mum to always carry a bottle of sun cream and a sachet of Calpol! Obviously the Dads were considered pretty useless, and it was probably a case of the two exes having a strained relationship, so step mum was go between.

I feel the same about my two's step mums. Great women

This is lovely to read :) xx

Thank you so much for that. Many of us need to hear those words coming from a mother.

It is really lovely to hear such positive stories.

@WhyNotMeThough

Life is so complicated. Her relationship with my ex husband is completely different to what I had with him. They're happy. It's a happy home and she definitely created that and my kids were happy whenever they were there. They were welcome. A happy ending 😊.

I went to uni with a girl who had the same sort of relationship with her step mum which even as a young adult at the time was so refreshing to hear x

I also applaud you for being happy with that, there is often resentment from the other side, not always intended but it happens as well as jealousy.

Well done mama! X

I agree with this my DD step mum has always included her, tried her best for her and my DD loves her all without stepping on my toes. She has made my exH a better Dad. I am also really grateful for her

I would say the same. My dcs' sm is really good to them. Treats them differently to her own dc which is totally understandable but the are always included/treated appropriately & she's more a friend to them than a parental figure which is really nice. She definitely suits my exh better than I ever did & she advocates for my dc when he's being daft (ie treating 14 yr old dd like a 7 year old ). All in all a very positive influence in my dcs' lives.
I too have thanked her & while we're not friends we are very friendly when at family/school things for the dc.
Because of this I really struggled (& was taken aback) by my exdp's exw's vitriolic attitude to me. It coloured everything & it's so damaging for the dc.
I too think my dc are very lucky & while I was with exdp they also had a very positive male role in their lives.

Thank you for the replies. When she first came on the scene I was surprised at how comfortable I felt, she kind of gradually became a part of their family. I suppose that's down to the sort of person she seemed to be, quite calm, friendly. She was always friendly, although we're not friends. We just seem to have reached an understanding at some point.
I didn't question the kids when they came back, but I did make sure to ask how dad and stepmum are, I wanted to make it very matter of fact that it was ok to mention whatever they'd been doing or any plans. Anyway, it's all been fine.

I love my stepmum. She has been there since I was a young teen. Bridesmaid at her and Dads wedding, she always encouraged us to try our best. Any holiday we went on, with Mum or with friends as adults she would buy us clothes. Every so often she would leave it to be just us and dad.

Now she is a lovely Nana to my children. She goes out on days out with my DP (shared interest) she has done our shopping every week since covid as DP is CEV...even though we can now do it and not shielding now.

I thank her all the time for making my Dad happy and appreciate how hard she worked over the years for us.

I see posts about step mums on here and cringe. My mum and stepmum will always ask us if the other is well. At family get togethers they will always be polite and have a short but nice conversation.

Not all SMs are witches. This may out me but my stepmum is an Alien...to this day I still address her cards 'To Alien'
Not sure why or where it came from!

My DS’s stepmum is lovely. She’s always been a hugely positive presence in his life.

DH’s stepmum is lovely too. She’s been cast as the evil SM for the past 30-odd years by still extremely bitter MIL, and has just gotten on with her life. She put herself out enormously so FIL could have a relationship with his children, despite them all being extremely obnoxious to her throughout their childhoods (way to go on the loyalty bind front MIL) and even continuing into adulthood in the case of BIL and SIL. She’s much nicer and easier to get on with than MIL is.

My stepparents are good people. Better people than my parents are actually.

My SD sent me a really sweet message this week (we’ve always got on fine, but this was just a lovely message and felt like a big step forwards.) I’ve been in her life for four years and her mother has been a big part of making my relationship with her work. We’re all v lucky.

I have an absolutely fantastic stepmother. She's been in my life since I was 9, I was a bridesmaid when her and my dad married, in a dress she made for me with fabric we chose together. She's an inspiration to me in many ways, and I'll always be grateful that she came into my life.

I guess it probably helped that my parents were fairly amicable and both very very careful to be polite and positive about each other to me.