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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Normal to prefer non contact days?

48 replies

PlentyOfPeas · 10/10/2020 18:24

Does anyone else just prefer non contact days? I feel like the house is calmer and quieter, me and DH get on better etc...

I think now because DSC are getting older and all they really want to do is game or talk to their mates, I just find contact days boring and more of something to just get through than something I look forward to.

I am not horrible, we do get along well but I don't look forward to them coming at all and actually feel the opposite, happier when I know they are going to their mums soon.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Missingthebridegene · 22/10/2020 22:27

Totally empathise with you OP. Our NC days are chilled, peaceful, and easy. We get to talk and BOTH spend time with our child TOGETHER. I don't 'dread' them coming like I used to but deffo feel happier when they're not here, even though I really care for them. Being a step parent with the absence of the unconditional love is tough x

Bailsgd · 23/10/2020 15:25

I do agree with you before I had my son I didn’t like contact days at all they drove me mad more because I was rushing around trying to clean up after everyone because her grandparents would stay and treat the place worse than a hotel I couldn’t wait for them to all leave.

When my son arrived I finally got the Courage to speak up and ask them not to stay because all they were doing was making my life hell now my step child stays on her own with us and my son it’s like. Kant and day I’ve built such a better relationship with her without having to run around after everyone else.

itsovernowthen · 23/10/2020 21:53

Yes. It means I don't have to think about the ways in which I have to tiptoe around my own house when DSS is here. I'm really relaxed when it's just me and my DCs.

hulahoopqueen · 25/10/2020 09:18

DSS alternates week-ends between our house and his mum’s. DSS’s Mum and I have talked about this before and I told her outright that I love the weekends when he is with us, but it is also lovely to have a weekend to ourselves. Guess what - she agreed completely. It’s normal to enjoy time without kids there, to have a rest! No shade on anyone who enjoys child-free time :)

LouJ85 · 17/11/2020 20:31

Yes, I prefer it too. Completely normal.

sassbott · 17/11/2020 21:14

When my children get picked up by my exh, I smile, relax and enjoy the peace and quiet.

It’s completely normal. The abnormal ones are the golden uteruses whose worlds seem to implode the moment their precious poppets are no longer under their control. Because no child is as precious or as wonderful as theirs. And their poor darling children are sent to their fathers and wicked step mothers! And they wail and cry and beat their chests as they read threads like these. My poor children, they cry aloud. These horrible women! How dare they say they enjoy the time my children are not there!

No kids are a walk in the park. Mine irritate the living daylights out of me most days. So yes. It’s perfectly normal.

LouJ85 · 17/11/2020 21:44

*And they wail and cry and beat their chests as they read threads like these. My poor children, they cry aloud. These horrible women! How dare they say they enjoy the time my children are not there!
*
This made me laugh out loud

sassbott · 17/11/2020 21:46

Hang around. Got loads more like that! (The worrying part is that we actually also know that in jest lies the truth).

Isthatitnow · 17/11/2020 22:14

How about blaming your ex for not seeing his own kids?

Absolutely

Don't blame me because you procreated with a shit

And yet you blame someone else for their ex not being perfect.

What irony.

LouJ85 · 17/11/2020 22:16

@sassbott

Hang around. Got loads more like that! (The worrying part is that we actually also know that in jest lies the truth).

Absolutely!

timeforanewstart · 17/11/2020 22:32

Im glad when ny biological kids sometimes are both out the house or at friends , i love them more than anything but we all need a break
They are teens now and I know they are glad when me and dh go out or away and leave them to it as well .

malificent7 · 23/11/2020 00:06

A child free day ( bio and step) is always lovely!
I do love having them both here but i also love it when they both bugger off( and dp for that matter) and i can lounge around in peace!

LyingDogsLie1 · 23/11/2020 10:07

I look forward to going to work for the break from my DS. I wonder if he picks up on that and is secretly miserable and it’s damaging our biological bond. If that’s the case he hides it well.

I also prefer non contact time. The house is manic with DSC here. I prefer the calm.

I think DH secretly does too as I am the default parent to DS and he can pick the best bits, whereas with DSC he’s forced to do the lionshare of the work. He finds it exhausting.

That’s nothing to do with me.

Bibidy · 23/11/2020 18:41

Maybe you should get with someone who doesnt have kids??

Uh so bored of responses like this.

Maybe you should consider how tough it is to live, even part-time, with children who aren't yours?

Kids are hard work, I think everyone would admit that. It's a whole extra challenge to have children moving in with you who aren't even yours, even if it is just a few days each week.

Kel9 · 23/11/2020 19:37

I prefer it too 😂 my house is calmer I don’t feel stressed. I’m glad you posted this. I can’t be arsed with it to be honest. We get on fine but our two boys together is like adding mintos to coke!!!

My oh and I struggled initially when we have both boys together, he was calm and just went with it and I was pulling my hair out... there didn’t seem to be rules in the day his son was with us 🤔😂🙈

I prefer a calm house during the week.

As for the women who blamed us step mothers... we are not all monsters lol I didn’t have an affair to meet my fiancé he was separated for years before me. His son will get to a point when he would rather see his friends and that’s bloody life and you know what... I’ll enjoy the peace!! 🥂😛

Kel9 · 23/11/2020 19:41

@LyingDogsLie1

I look forward to going to work for the break from my DS. I wonder if he picks up on that and is secretly miserable and it’s damaging our biological bond. If that’s the case he hides it well.

I also prefer non contact time. The house is manic with DSC here. I prefer the calm.

I think DH secretly does too as I am the default parent to DS and he can pick the best bits, whereas with DSC he’s forced to do the lionshare of the work. He finds it exhausting.

That’s nothing to do with me.

This is me!!!! When we have my son which is 50% of the time Its non stop for me and oh just sits back..It’s constant for me which is normal but my oh gets his son at the weekend and gets to see what it’s like when the shoes on the other foot... when his son goes home he’s secretly happy!! 😂

YoungScrappyHungry · 30/11/2020 19:53

DH's ex wife has said we can have the kids full time so long as she still gets the same CMS. We had them through the whole of lockdown 1. We've just finished having them for 3 weeks, where she facetimed them a total of 3 times.
She's allowed to have breaks and be very clear in preferring time just her and her boyfriend, why can't step parents?

LouJ85 · 03/12/2020 18:41

DH's ex wife has said we can have the kids full time so long as she still gets the same CMS.

Is she deluded? SHE would owe YOU maintenance if you had them full time.

Witchymclovely · 04/12/2020 13:39

I used to wish for non contact weekends to come around and used to think of ways to get out of the others - once I even lied and said our boiler broke so she couldn’t come over. So you really have nothing to feel guilty about, your positively saintly in comparison

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 06/12/2020 21:22

Much prefer. They are little and demanding. And loud. I'm past that stage and like calm weekends as I work a hectic job all week.

HebburnPokemon · 16/09/2024 18:33

Is it normal to prefer to spend time in your own home without other people’s children around? Errr yes

Thursdaygirl · 17/09/2024 18:53

HebburnPokemon · 16/09/2024 18:33

Is it normal to prefer to spend time in your own home without other people’s children around? Errr yes

God yes, you are totally normal OP!

thestepmumspacepodcast · 23/09/2024 15:27

LyingDogsLie1 · 23/11/2020 10:07

I look forward to going to work for the break from my DS. I wonder if he picks up on that and is secretly miserable and it’s damaging our biological bond. If that’s the case he hides it well.

I also prefer non contact time. The house is manic with DSC here. I prefer the calm.

I think DH secretly does too as I am the default parent to DS and he can pick the best bits, whereas with DSC he’s forced to do the lionshare of the work. He finds it exhausting.

That’s nothing to do with me.

I think you've raised some really interesting points here...
esp around how Dads who do the lions share of work for their DC are more relaxed when their DC aren't there!!!

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