Christmas... Already!

[Doyoumindifislytherin]

Need advise how to tackle this. DP was expecting to have SC over christmas this year. Particularly as he hasn't seen them on Christmas day for a few years because they have spent it with their DM.

Children are young and the magic of christmas is still very much alive and obviously DP has been upset about missing out on christmas morning etc.

This year SC DM is working until late on christmas eve and has asked us to have the children. DP agreed and stated we would keep them over night and return them Christmas day late afternoon so that we can spend the day with them.
SC DM has refused and is expecting DP to keep them till late Christmas eve, and then return them home over 30 miles away when she gets in from work. She won't budge on this.

DP is livid. Hes tried appealing to her better nature. How its disruptive for the children, they should really take it in turns with christmas etc etc but ex is adamant that the SC will never wake up christmas morning with their father.

DP is now thinking along the lines of just keeping them and to hell with her... but obviously this isn't a great idea and will cause a whole heap of issues....

Just looking for advice on how to resolve the issue amicably... any ideas?

Btw op - that's in no way a criticism levelled at you. You are also stuck between a rock & a hard place!

He's not prepared to go to court but is happy to cause a shitstorm over Christmas for everyone, you and your children included. What a prize of a man.

I can see why your DP has made that decision. But is the ex likely to then turn up and upset all the children? Or call the police?

Can you tell him you don't support him in that because it is likely to spoil Christmas for the DC??

Tell him to put in writing that if he has them on Christmas Eve he will not be returning them so she can either pick them up, change her shifts, or arrange alternate childcare and that if she will not agree to alternate Christmas and New Year then he will take it to court?

This makes him entirely reasonable to Cafcass/courts/mediator.

Unfortunately @Doyoumindifislytherin some "mums" are selfish.
As a mother and stepmother I have never stopped my ex having our children every other Christmas and some birthdays and I honestly hate it but I do what's right for the children. It's been very different where SS DM is concerned we aren't even allowed any contact now at all but we never had Christmas or birthdays when he was younger, all she wants is money and no input from my DH at all she uses her child as a weapon.
If I were you I'd tell her to fuck right off! You aren't her babysitters if she's not prepared to let you have one Christmas with the children then you should go to court whilst they are still little don't leave it because the older the children get the harder it will be.
I most definitely would not be taking the kids out at that time of night when it's cold and dark all to please her, hubby needs to grow a back bone and tell her straight. You and DH might want to go out on NYE for a change why should she get priority?

Don't keep them on Christmas Eve cause it's likely to cause a huge shitstorm and may go against you both if you do go to court. I can see why he would want to do that but it may cause unnecessary upset for the kids. It's so hard as you can't win either way

How about she comes and collects them....No??? Ah well, I guess she’ll have to wait until the next day. Your husband has just as much right to enjoy the Christmas magic as she does and if she wanted it that much then she’d come and collect them.

Just a quick update. DP has stood his ground and she (her words) has agreed to let him have them christmas eve and return later christmas day. Also looking at alternate christmas going forward.
Bizarrely she doesn't know where we live. Has never collected or dropped off the dsc so turning up wouldn't have been an issue.

Thanks for everyone's advice. I'm so glad they've managed to come to an agreement!

Hurrah! That is a great update. Have a lovely Christmas.
x

Hopefully your DP will be more be more confident at standing his ground in future.

It's sound like she depends on him for her childcare so she has a lot to use if she tries to stop contact and as soon as he took it to court he would be awarded it anyway!! Sound like a control/power issue from her.

Good outcome, OP!

How exciting OP!