Little bit of background. Ben with DH for 10 years. Been in DSC life since they were 3 and got a great relationship there. The problem is the mum. So, DH and his ex split up before DSC was born and both agree it was for the best.
Since pretty much from day one, I have been on the receiving end of hate from DSC mum. It's comments about me being fat, ugly or a horrible person, never anything nice.
Over the years we get the comments from DSC saying "my mum keeps saying horrible things about you". My DH and I have both addressed it and we get told either a- I did not say that. B-DSC is a liar.
I get we have to consider something's are probably exaggerated but it's at the stage now where my DSC is almost a teenager and will write the things down and tell their Dad as they don't want me to know and get upset.
The latest is they are not allowed to communicate with me when not here, I am blocked from everything, inc texting their number. I am also blocked on the mums side too ( not that I would have her on social media etc).
My DSC is scared to talk about me at their mums as they get a row. Mum has even told my DH that he shouldn't be in contact with either of us when it's not his weekend with child, yet she phones her child constantly when they are here to ask what we are doing etc.
I find it really hurtful and I am trying to ignore it but it's just eating away at me.
Hand on heart I have always been nice to her, I have never spoken out of turn to her in front of DSC, but I will admit I don't agree with some of the things she does (leaves child at home alone overnight at the age of 9 so she could go out clubbing - she told us that herself so wasn't a lie from DSC).
I can't have children of my own and she knows this. She told my DSC "haha she can't have kids and that's funny! At least you'll never be shoved out the picture". My DSC doesn't know about my fertility so again clearly not lying. Their mum kept asking me when we would have kids of our own and I ended up snapping and telling her (politely) that sometimes it just doesn't happen for people and her reply, I kid you not was "ha! So you're a failure then - you wouldn't want to be an old mum anyway so maybe for the best" 🥺🥺 (FYI I'm 33...).
Please can someone just give me some help on how I can stop letting her get to me! DH doesn't know how bad I feel and I don't want to talk to him about it because he knows how nasty she is to me and he's spoken to her on numerous occasions and she doesn't change.
FYI she's horrible to DH too. Calls him a bad dad and even had DSC when they were 6 to refer him as the sperm donor! He has never missed the agreed second weekend, he has never ever spoken badly of mum in front of DSC. He just tries to ignore it as "it's her problem, just get on with our lives".
I'm scared for my DSC as every time they ask their mum to stop being nasty about us, they get told to "stop defending the scum"