Do your SC babysit your DC?

[FourX]

Do you/would you let your teenage step children look after your baby? DP has suggested it and I've said no, she is a child herself. We're talking hours not just a short period of time btw. AIBU?

We let my 16 year old SD babysit our 3 and 5 year olds. I might have let her do it at 15, but no younger.

How old is she?
I will happily leave my SD15 with my DCs who are 10 and 5 for a few hours.
How old is your baby?

DSD is 14 and baby is 8 months. I might add my partner hasn't even had him for more than a couple of hours. I wouldn't expect her to try and understand what he needs when he cries. I still get it wrong at times as he is ever changing. I feel it is too young.

I wouldn’t leave an 8 month old with a 14 year old for anything more than popping to the corner shop.

20 mins while you nip to the shop as you have run out of milk - yes - as long as she is happy.

4 hours while you take in dinner and a show - No. She is too young and baby is too young. In a couple of years when she is 16 and baby is nearly 3 then you can re-think.

That's my thoughts exactly. He thinks I'm being a bit of a dick about it

@FourX Your partner hasn't had the baby for more than a couple of hours?

Fix that or you'll turn into one of those woman who can't go out because her partner can't put the 9 year old child to bed

No. 3 time mum here. 14 is too young to mind an 8th month old for anything more that a pop out to the corner shop.

@Grobagsforever it will change soon as I work nights

@FourX Good, but seriously get him go give you a break now!

YADNBU. Point out that this is not a negative view of DSD, it would not be right for ANY 14yo.

I bet if he didn’t have his DD and you hired a 14yo to babysit your 8mo he’d think you were joking.

Ohhh no I wouldn’t leave them alone at that age. It’s not even fair on your SD to expect her to take on the responsibility of an 8 month old at her age, maybe emphasise that to your partner too

Definitely not.

Not because he may cry but because it is unfair on the older child. It is not their responsibility to look after their younger siblings for hours especially when they are in nappies.

If the younger child is out of nappies and the older sibling wants to then they can do something with him without your presence. I know plenty of older siblings who do. However you need to be easily contactable.

@RedRumTheHorse oh absolutely it isn't her responsibility and I have said that to DP. He is our responsibility not that of a 14 year old child regardless of who the 14 year old may be.

My 2.5 year old wold be fine staying with my step children (13,14,17) bit we haven't yet as it feels a lot of responsibility just yet

No. When she visits it should be to see her dad and sibling definitely not to babysit.
I would be annoyed if I was a parent.
I baby sat my younger sister a lot when I was 11 and I dont think it's fair.
I agree with you not your husband. If anything you are looking after step child by saying its not appropriate because it isnt.

No, not her responsibility. She is there to visit her dad and half sibling, not as a free sitter.

Having been the default sitter due to age, it really breeds resentment. Children should be allowed to be children, they get no say in siblings and care of the, shouldn’t fall to them.

Just following as my DS is ten days old and DSD 15 is besotted and desperate to look after him, even asking if I can express so she can be in charge of him overnight! I currently feel like he’s way too young for her to do more than give lots of cuddles and do the odd day time nappy change or similar...

@HelloViroids you are the mother. All night care and nappy changes are down to you or any other adult you deem appropriate. She isn't an adult. So while she can help by cuddling him then when he's older sometimes feeding him and randomly looking after him for up to an hour until she is 19 she shouldn't be left responsible for him. They need to form a sibling relationship not one where she is a parental figure to him.

It is fun having much older siblings but only if you allowed to have a sibling relationship. I have a better relationship with my older siblings who were not expected to look after me.

@FourX, you’re right, leaving baby with DSC while you ran a quick errand nearby isn’t an issue IMO but a night out is a whole other kettle of fish!

@user1488481370 I completely agree. However, right now I'll take any one I up on their offer to have him if I can get a couple of hours sleep

Isn't your DP helping you get a few hours sleep?

@FourX I honestly know how you feel. My 14 months old is a shit sleeper. Currently 22 weeks with number 4. People say ‘oh you get used to it.’ I haven’t got used to it. I need sleep!

@excelledyourself ha! No. That's the quick answer. I won't bore you with the longer one as I'll just rant.

@user1488481370 he was ok but is going through separation anxiety atm and has decided to start waking for night feeds again. It is slowly killing me. I need the sleep back too. You must be shattered! I feel for you

Well, I'm sorry to hear that.

Certainly don't have your DSD babysitting. I wonder if it was a DSS if your DP would be so insistent on this. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but sounds like he thinks babies are women's work.