She spoils every day

[ailmam]

There are no set days for when my partner sees his daughter. She only lives round the corner and phones nearly every day to see us. She's 12. We've only been together 6 months and I feel the dating period is over already . I can't relax knowing the phone can go any minute and she'll want to come over. We get on well but I didn't expect it to be like this . I know I should leave the relationship but I love him 😔
He'd never say no to her he's told me that . I have to go don't I 😔

[ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal]

You're a girlfriend of 6 months. No he should not be saying no to her in favour of you. How will that make his daughter feel? Time for you to walk away, you're not cut out for this. I say this as a stepmum of 10 years.

[BilboBercow]

Do you live together? If so then of course the dating period is over. You can't get seriously involved with a man who is a parent then not expect him to actually be a parent. If you think a 12 year old is "spoiling" the day by being there then you're not suited to being a step parent

[funinthesun19]

Time for a bit of self preservation I think. If you stay with him, will you truly be happy? Put your own happiness first and move on.
I know you love him, but if you feel like this about his daughter, chances are it will never get better and you will be resigning yourself to a life full of resentment and misery. Is he really worth it?

[dottiedodah]

I wonder how old you are .If you are quite young late 20s early 30s maybe she sees you as a sort of "older Sister". What does her DM think I wonder? Have you just moved in due to lockdown,if so maybe if restrictions start to ease again ,perhaps go back to your own place once or twice a week if possible .Try to meet up with your friends outside as well .She is just at that age of becoming a Teenager ,and is not sure of herself and probably thinking about Boys for the first time maybe ? I tink you need to think carefully ,maybe you could have a break and see how you feel after 2 /3 weeks.Dating someone with a family is never plain sailing really .

[Wilberforce1]

@ailmam Yanbu to expect some of his undivided attention but Mumsnet hates step parents so you won't get any sympathy and will be evil for even suggesting he tells his daughter no once in a while. If you were married and had you own children people would be screaming at you to hire a babysitter so you and your husband could have some time alone but stepchildren must never be told no and must have access to their father at all hours, if the child wants to see the father then his partner has to be pushed aside immediately 🙄

My advice would be to talk to him first and let him know it's quite stifling to have her constantly coming over, it's not child abuse for him to say "actually me and ailmam are having a night in watching a film but I'll see you tomorrow". If he won't consider how you feel then walk away and find a man without children, it's much much easier!

[chubbyhotchoc]

What is wrong with a parent having one/ two nights a week to themselves? Parents are human beings and are entitled to forge a new life after relationship breakdowns. That needs some investment and work. My dh has three children when we were dating and we had a set date night every week until we got engaged when we upped it to two.

[AllsortsofAwkward]

You've been on the scene 2 minutes yabu to expect him to say no to her. Why would you move in with him quickly.

[FondantPud]

While you will need learn to suck it up if you stay I can't help feeling the child's other parent must be part of this.

No way I'd allow my 11 yo to ring her dad and invite herself around unless I'd asked him first. Sounds like the mother is encouraging it to get time to her self

[Sooooobored]

From your title I thought you were going to say she did something awful each day. Is she really ‘spoiling’ things by just turning up?

Are you the same poster who wrote about the step-daughter turning up when you were having a meal? You really dislike her don’t you?

[Sooooobored]

If your partner won’t say no to her, you know where you stand.

[Wilberforce1]

@AllsortsofAwkward

You've been on the scene 2 minutes yabu to expect him to say no to her. Why would you move in with him quickly.

Why is it unreasonable for him to say no to the daughter once a week? How is the Dad supposed to have a new relationship if the daughter is always turning up? It's ok to say no to kids whether they live with you or not.

I agree that the mother could be behind it.

[differentnameforthis]

Did you think you had found yourself a "Disney dad" who would never want to his child?

I'm glad he'd never say to her, she needs a father.

It so sad that you think her need to see him "spoils" your day, especially as, if she does like you, seeing you both may make her day!

[Sooooobored]

Yes it’s ok for them to have a bit of free time but he told op he won’t be saying no to his daughter.

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

Hi,

I'm going to go against the majority here. Whilst she has every right to see her dad, I feel like she needs a set routine of when she's with him. That's what most people do rather than just turning up whenever. That way you can make plans for yourselves and have time for yourselves, but also set aside time for her to be with her dad. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation or ask of your boyfriend.

[differentnameforthis]

Wilberforce1 - Why is it unreasonable for him to say no to the daughter once a week? How is the Dad supposed to have a new relationship if the daughter is always turning up?

Perhaps he doesn't want to say no? Kids should come second to someone you have only known 6mths. That's a really sad state of affairs.

[differentnameforthis]

Wilberforce1 but Mumsnet hates step parents

She can hardly be called a step parent, 6mnths in!

[differentnameforthis]

@differentnameforthis

Wilberforce1 - Why is it unreasonable for him to say no to the daughter once a week? How is the Dad supposed to have a new relationship if the daughter is always turning up?

Perhaps he doesn't want to say no? Kids should come second to someone you have only known 6mths. That's a really sad state of affairs.

Kids shouldn't

[Wilberforce1]

@differentnameforthis but how is the father supposed to get past 6 months in a relationship when him and his new partner never get any time together because he won't tell the daughter no once a week?

If this was the Mother writing this people on here would be yelling that she has a right to start a new relationship and that there should be a routine in place with the child's father.

Stepparent is easier to say, Dads new partner then if that makes you happier.

[Wilberforce1]

@TheMandalorian

Are you for real? Is this a reverse from the 12yo girl? You come across as a selfish bitch. This relationship is not for you. He needs someone much better than you, so leave him to find that someone. In the meantime, work on your personality a bit and don't date anyone else with kids. FFS.

@TheMandalorian so op is a selfish bitch for wanting a few nights alone with her new boyfriend? Ridiculous!

How will the Dad ever have a new relationship?

[Spied]

He says she likes you- maybe it's a novelty for her you being around so she's wanting to get to know you better and be around you.
She's out of routine being in lockdown and probably bored and missing her friends.
This may all change once she's back at school and the 'newness' of you and life at Dads has worn off.

[Toilenstripes]

Not sure if this should be in ‘Step-parents’ category. 🙄

[excelledyourself]

That is a horrible thread title.

And he has really let everyone down by moving in with you. There's no need for her to have even met you yet.

But... she's presumably been in lockdown for 3 months, not at school, not seeing her friends. This wouldn't be the norm, I imagine.

How did you date before you moved in? Or were you in within weeks?

Maybe she's rightly baffled by how quick you've moved in and is feeling a little threatened.

Think about her feelings and circumstances right now.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Coming round to what is essentially her home any time is fine.

Being out and about and cutting short what your or doing or ever holidaying without her isn't fine.

Now lock down is easing is she likely to be busier with her friends?

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

If she only lives round the corner, I'm surprised she's even phoning! My DB is in the process of looking for housing after splitting with his DW and both of them are aiming to live close enough together so the DCs can come and go from either house as they please. It's HER house.