There's nothing I can do, is there?

[NowSissyThatWalk]

SS (4) plays fortnite. He's obsessed. He has a head set and all his siblings play, they will be up on theres and he's on the headset downstairs.
He screams, he swears, he shouts, he cries. He's an adorable, kind boy but this turns him into a monster. Everything we usually like doing takes so much longer and is not nearly as enjoyable as it's time off from bloody Fortnite. The problem is this effects me because I look like the bad guy getting him to come off and go for a walk or come to the shops. I've spoken with DH. He has put some time restrictions on it, but his mum is even worse and they are all on it almost constantly when they're at hers.
4 is so young, it's rated 12. He becomes a different person when he's on it, and I really really feel for him.
Problem is because his siblings play it (all older than him) it's become their whole world. It's all they talk about now.
SS10 spent £50 out of my account for sodding V Bucks. (This was dealt with)
There's nothing I can do is there? Not my circus, not my monkeys all of that, which I'm usually very good at. But bloody hell it's annoying.

This is bloody tragic. He has two parents who think this is OK so you are really up against it.

How often do they come to yours? Could you set up a digital detox for everyone and talk to them about why you’re doing it without them refusing to come?

Either way the little 4yo needs to stop playing right now. Your husband needs to agree that with his ex and then spend time doing things with him (and the others too, ideally) during their time with you.

I’d be reconsidering if my partner is someone I’d want to be with if he allowed his son at 4 to play fort nite!

Why is your partner allowing it? Can’t your house become a console-free zone? I know that’s the hardcore option but it has the advantage of being clear cut.

This is so sad.

A 4 YO playing a game 13+.

His parents (not you) need to get some balls and start parenting him.

It’s your house to. You can make the rules as well. Take the console away.

Its nothing but lazy parenting on both accounts.

My ds 11 is down to limited time on this game due to the caused attitude.. .. Ds 5 isn't allowed on at all.
A rubbish df isn't an attractive quality op.. I would be questioning my relationship tbh..
You could have 14 years of this life left...

So we have no console at our house and have DSS11 50/50 and 3 older teens girls. Result is he is delighted to be at his Mum's because he only has to stop for food. He is distinctly chubby as a result.

I asked about it on MN and the consensus was that I was wrong. He does have it on his phone but it's a pretty poor substitute. But having stayed with various friends with slightly older kids we were pretty unimpressed by their DS's behavior with regards to consoles and decided to stick to our guns.

My DSDs are obsessed with Roblox and watching YouTube on roblox. The only way we've found to deal with it is to ban tablets at our house totally. It does mean that there weekends where they won't come BUT when they are here it's sooo much better.
Otherwise I think having restricted access vs unrestricted access is too confusing for them and just leads to arguments

Ignore the commennts about your DP, if he's used to playing it at his mum's how can you explain to a 4 year old he can't play it at yours? At least he's trying to limit it

Gosh what crap parenting. That poor child. You might not be able to fix this but you can take care not to fall pregnant.

I would tell DH either the games leave the house or you do.

Not your problem. Their child, their problem.

Not all games are equal, but fortnite in particular has been proven to be highly addictive. Studies showed that it triggered / activated the same areas of the brain as gambling in adults.

My DC are much older and I have folded on one or two older games (Star Wars for example). Fortnite remains banned. As do games like COD. I’m a gamer myself and completely understand the enjoyment of gaming - but this is messed up.

Don’t have a child with this man and buy yourself some noise cancelling earphones

@AskingforaBaskin

I would tell DH either the games leave the house or you do.

You either do nothing or do this.

For me it would feel like seeing child neglect and doing nothing about it though - I would have to do something. It’s very sad.

I would ban it for all of them.

My DS turned into the child from hell when he played fortnight And he was sixteen at the time. Fortunately the novelty of it wore off quickly for him, but there is a lot of bad press about the game.

I would make it very clear to your DH that the house is now a games free zone and why.

As for the poster who says that the DH can’t possibly take it away as they’re allowed to play it at their mum’s. yes he bloody can. Choosing the path of least resistance is crap and lazy parenting, and tbh I would be re-evaluating my relationship with such a man

I don’t think a console ban is the answer. I wouldn’t go that route.

Try more age appropriate games. Ratchet and clank is superb, crash bandicoot? Rayman? Lego worlds also great (find my lot still playing lego worlds). If the console is a PS, then try a PS now subscription (tons of games streamed).

Distract. Does anyone game in your house? I would sit and game with my children as they complained / tantrummed about my ‘unfair’ ban of fortnite. Then they would sidle in and ask to play what I was playing. And off they went.

Epic game I tell you.

Thanks all, some interesting thoughts.
A console ban would go off like a bomb and I fear would make them not want to come as much or enjoy it when they are here. Ridiculous I know.

Their mum is very lazy, in many more ways than this, and will use it against us if we banned them .

I just think 4 is way too young. I tried looking for threads for advice gonna 4 year old playing it, but there arent any and all start from at least 9.

I shared dc with exh. I had no consoles at my house.
Interestingly they are nc with df now due to lack of parenting.

Their words.

4??? Honestly that is so awful

As someone who plays fortnite quite regularly myself. I'm shocked that a four year old is allowed to play and with a headset as well. It really is not a suitable game for a child that age.
However as you said not your circus , not your monkey. Your oh has to deal with it , especially the aggression and swearing. That is not good from a 4 year old and would make me question if he actually wants to parent his children or just let them at it for a quite life.

Their mum is very lazy,

And how exactly is your 'Darling' husband any better?

@Windyatthebeach there is neglectful parenting (like this example). Or there is parenting with compromise, where a console is present, but with age appropriate games and limits. A 4 year old playing lego worlds for a little while is absolutely fine (and very creative).

Consoles/ gaming are not bad, but with limits.
Fortnite is terrible and even though my DC are old enough, they still don’t play it.

We have consoles now but they aren't used as childcare which seems to be the case here...

I'm surprised a 4 year old can even play it!

You say you end up bad cop, why are you the one getting to get off? Your DP is clearly aware it is a problem so he should be the "bad cop" and enforce the rules. I would advocate not letting them play it at all given their behaviour (my SS watches a lot of YouTube at home but we don't watch any when he's here as we don't like the effect it has on him), but if your DP wants to allow it then he needs to manage it.

Stuff that situation, there's no way those children would be playing Fortnite in my house. The 4 and 10 year olds are too young. If their father didn't agree to an outright ban, regardless of what they do at their mother's house, I'd be off (or he would be). Disguising, lazy parenting and if he thinks they'd refuse to come and see him if the console wasn't allowed then he either needs to get creative or get a court order and eventually they'll get used to some time without it.

How has it even got this far? So neglectful.