There's nothing I can do, is there?

[NowSissyThatWalk]

SS (4) plays fortnite. He's obsessed. He has a head set and all his siblings play, they will be up on theres and he's on the headset downstairs.
He screams, he swears, he shouts, he cries. He's an adorable, kind boy but this turns him into a monster. Everything we usually like doing takes so much longer and is not nearly as enjoyable as it's time off from bloody Fortnite. The problem is this effects me because I look like the bad guy getting him to come off and go for a walk or come to the shops. I've spoken with DH. He has put some time restrictions on it, but his mum is even worse and they are all on it almost constantly when they're at hers.
4 is so young, it's rated 12. He becomes a different person when he's on it, and I really really feel for him.
Problem is because his siblings play it (all older than him) it's become their whole world. It's all they talk about now.
SS10 spent £50 out of my account for sodding V Bucks. (This was dealt with)
There's nothing I can do is there? Not my circus, not my monkeys all of that, which I'm usually very good at. But bloody hell it's annoying.

@AskingforaBaskin
He has time limits. She doesn't. They have a bedtime. She doesn't. You can see when they were last online on the xbox and when they are at hers it's showing them being on at 2AM. Yes they are both lazy to an extent, but there are degrees.

@aSofaNearYou I agree, hence why I said right in the title there's nothing I can do.

It's rough, because I care about SS a lot and can see what it is doing to him.

I personally couldn't be in a relationship where my partner neglected his child's welfare like this.

I would think so much less of my DH for allowing this. So much so, I would be issuing an ultimatum. Either the consoles go out of my house or he/I will find another house to live in. I couldn’t be complicit in this level and type of neglect. It’s not just that a 4yo is on a console - bad enough in itself - it’s FORTNITE.

So depressing.

@NowSissyThatWalk Does your husband allow his 4 year old to play fortnite?

"I personally couldn't be in a relationship where my partner neglected his child's welfare like this."

^ This.

@AskingforaBaskin I mean, I thought that was pretty obvious.
I'm not getting in a back and forth with you about who is worse, him or their mum. My point was that if we ban them here they are on it even more so at hers.
Thank you everyone for your opinions. I will speak to DH once more and explain how it's making me feel.

But you're the one slaying her.
Your husband is a neglectful parent. You can go into that without her involvement.
He is a bad parent. He needs to an the games.
He needs to stop his child's attitude.
If the kids don't want to come tough he's 4 he gets carried and strapped into the car if necessary.

Isn't your youngest SC 7?

Still too young, but why say he's 4?

Honestly thought 4 was a typo. My 4 yo cant even work the telly remote. Wtaf 😯

I personally couldn't be in a relationship where my partner neglected his child's welfare like this.

This. I couldn't stay with someone like that.

Just because you perceive his ex to be a 10/10 shit parent doesn't make it any better your DH is a 7/10 shit parent does it?

Playing it at 4 at all is ridiculous and if he turns into a 'monster' when restricted then your DH needs to step up and work on that instead of continuing this madness.

Seriously, doesn't this make you reevaluate your DH?

I think another stern chat... I walked in on my then 8 year old SS playing GTA and his was in a strip club watching a lap dance with horrid language. I told my DP he shouldn't be playing that and at first he was very much like 'he doesn't even get it he just like changing costumes etc' and her knows better than to emulate a game' ' everyone's playing it' I let it go but then everytime I saw it I just got angry so ended up bringing it up again and he banned it from ours like he was older (only just started re playing at 14)

It's hard to lay down laws when the parents maybe don't see your views straight away but it's you deserve your way and maybe DP just needs to hear it again it's not about attacking either parent x

Jesus. Aged 4 playing Fortnite? I would totally ban it for him. Doesn't matter if everyone hates you. They will thank you later. He'll be shamed at school and his parents despised. Not joking.

Don't allow it. No deals.

For anyone why hasn't played fortnite, it's basically the hunger games for children.

My boys, significantly older play it, on the lounge tv for an hour after they finish homeschooling for the day.

I'd leave a man who thought this was an acceptable way to raise a child.

I asked my seventeen year old whether he would think a four year old playing fortnight was ok, and he said “god no. I wouldn’t think it was ok for a kid younger than about twelve.

He screams, he swears, he shouts, he cries
He's 4 years old!

More fool you for choosing to stay with a man who doesn't give a shit about his kids welfare or taking proper responsibility as a parent - and allowing yourself to be used as a 'bad cop'......

@sassbott

Not your problem. Their child, their problem.

Not all games are equal, but fortnite in particular has been proven to be highly addictive. Studies showed that it triggered / activated the same areas of the brain as gambling in adults.

My DC are much older and I have folded on one or two older games (Star Wars for example). Fortnite remains banned. As do games like COD. I’m a gamer myself and completely understand the enjoyment of gaming - but this is messed up.

Don’t have a child with this man and buy yourself some noise cancelling earphones

I totally agree with this. Both me and DH are huge gamers, but fortnite does not enter this house. The amount of problems it has caused for parents all over the UK is absolutely tragic. The second game related attitudes/behaviour problems start in this house, the game is removed. Playing games is a treat when everything else has been done, it is not prioritised over anything else. This goes for DSC, DC and DH.

OP is it only the 4yo who is having problem behaviour or older siblings too? It may be a case that they all need to come away for games, or have a set time to play games. Eg 2/3 hours before tea time (either with a consistent tea time, or you let them know when tea will be ready in advance), then when tea is ready is they dont all scoot downstairs to eat within 5/10 minutes you cut the internet off. They will soon learn.

@LuluBellaBlue

I’d be reconsidering if my partner is someone I’d want to be with if he allowed his son at 4 to play fort nite!

Exactly this. I would lose all respect for him.

I pity the poor teachers who have to try to do something with his children.

Disgusting.

I know someone who let's their just turned 6 year old play it, and watch videos on YouTube about it that are aimed at much older children. I couldn't say anything as my head would be bitten off, I'd be devastated if my DP felt this was appropriate for our children

My eldest Dc was in primary school still when fortnite landed. A fair few children in the school were allowed to play it. Then a letter came from the headmistress, quite sternly worded. That some of the children were coming into school tired (they were obviously also staying up late) and that the children had told other children that they were playing fortnite.

She reminded them that whilst parental responsibility allowed parents to make their own decisions. Movies and games were rated for a reason, and she advised parents to relook at the games they were allowing children to access. And that children of this age still needed a minimum 9- 12 hours sleep a night (depending on age).

She stated that if staff continued to have concerns. Parents would be asked to meet with her to discuss.

Quite a lot of parents were letting their children play games high above the age rating allowed. It’s becoming a bigger and bigger problem. Even with my youngest (Still in primary), they tell me a lot of children play fortnite.

Parents hear it’s popular, children moan/ whine/ tantrum at them non-stop and parents think ‘oh it must be ok if the other parents have allowed it’

Fortnite in particular causes problems. Immersive shoot em ups like COD are not too far behind. Fortnite has an age rating of 12 and COD 18. I’ve played both and I think fortnite should be an 18 too, based on just how addictive it actually is.

I am a full grown ass woman and I am addicted to Apex Legends(a similar battle royals style game). There is no friggin way I would let my dc play such a game.

-They are addictive
-They are online and people can speak to you, friend request you, send you messages
-There are trolls who are nasty and sweary
-There is an equally addictive gambling system in the form of the loot boxes and v bux.
-The content is not age appropriate for young children
-It is widely known to make children moody and grumpy even when not playing

There are so many reasons to not let children play these games and there are so many wholesome games for children (Minecraft, basically any Nintendo game) that my mind really boggles at how rife it is. The amount of children sneakily spending money of unsuspecting parents and relatives is also a huge problem that not many people talk about.

I think you have done what you can to put age restrictions on the consoles you can, age appropriate games, but also deal with bad behaviour such as swearing etc when it arises.
What they may find is that when he is in school it may bring up issues if he is using bad language and talking about certain games etc. In school.
When my son was in reception he was part of a group of boys who would talk about the game hello neighbour and would talk about it in class and scare the other kids so we had to have a chat with their teacher. I knew from discussions with his dad neither of us let have ever let our son play the game or watch it on YouTube due to restrictions etc. It came about other kids had played or heard of it through older siblings so the way they talked about it in class was their interpretation of what they had heard. We ended up having a chat with our son about things that are appropriate to talk about at school and why games etc. Have restrictions. We managed to nip it in the bud fairly quickly.
Sadly I think cos of the digital age we are on even if you do everything you can to avoid them seeing older games, they will hear stuff on the playground ie. My big brother says this/ plays this

My children have both played fortnite, 14 year old DS lost interest, but was a nightmare when he played it, I let DS2 aged 10 play it more now because he plays with friends from school. I’m very surprised that a 4 year old can play it well enough to be on it for hours - my partners son who is 6, has a go with my son, but gets frustrated because he just doesn’t have the skills yet, he plays games like mario normally. It’s also an online game primarily - who is a 4 year old playing with?!

He's actually 7. OP said so on another thread last month.

So is this all made up then?

So is he 4 or is he 7?