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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Aibu is my ex's girlfriend overstepping the mark?

57 replies

user1474272923 · 29/04/2020 10:06

So I've been separated from my sons dad for 9 years. Hes been in a relationship with a woman for approx 6 years.
I generally have no very little issues with them both. After a very messy break up, we have settled into respectful co parenting but at a distance from each other.
There have always been arguments in the past , always involving money about him not paying maintenance etc. Iv also had to sell the family home because he pressurised me into paying him back his contribution to the initial deposit. (Long story, but basically he places money over his child's wellbeing very often)
However my son is now 18 and since my ex no longer has to contribute financially arguments have stopped.
Over the past 6 years my son used to spend 1 night a week at their house, but this stopped when he reached about 15, as he didnt have his own room there and would have to sleep on a blow up bed in her sons bedroom.
However, a few days ago my ex's girlfriend posted a status and pictures on social media tagging my son in, stating how proud she is to be a mum.
I feel completely uncomfortable with this. I understand she has known him for 6 years, and he has been a part of their lives... but to call herself a mum to him... it just grinds my gears.
I dont really buy in to the whole step mum thing... I'm under no illusion if she and my ex split she would never bother to see my son again.
I feel like she's taking credit for my parenting.... am I over reacting???

OP posts:
SeriouslyRetro · 29/04/2020 10:09

Was it primarily pictures of her own children and she added your sons picture to that existing post?

Or was it a targeted ode to your own son and being a step mother?

I think if it was about her own children (plus your son) she probably didn’t want to leave him out and I’d think it was done for general inclusivity and I wouldn’t say much.
If she’d done it specifically to toot her step mother horn, I might be more inclined to notice it, but I still don’t think I’d bother saying anything.

KylieKoKo · 29/04/2020 10:10

Was her son in it too? Maybe she wanted to post about her own son and didn't want do leave yours out. I wouldn't worry too much about a single Facebook post if she is generally kind to him.

Original poster
user1474272923 · 29/04/2020 10:13

Yeah her son was in it. And I did think that to be fair. Just feels a bur "all the glory, none of the struggle"

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 29/04/2020 10:17

Op if you think step parenting is without struggle then you need to read this board.

SunnyDaysMakeMeFeelBetter · 29/04/2020 10:18

As a woman who is the step mum in this sort of situation you need to totally butt out. None of your damn business and you're just finding reason to fault her.

She probably doesn't even see your son as her "child" and the comment is about her own son. Not every step mum wants to be the mum to their inherited "children".

Original poster
user1474272923 · 29/04/2020 10:24

I dont think step parenting is without struggle... but I dont think what my ex and his girlfriend have offered my son over the years is step parenting. A sleepover once a week? And arguing about every penny ... not parenting in my book.
I'm aware everybody's situation is different. I'm not here to minimise people's relationships in their own situation.
I just think having the honour of being called mum is not something to take lightly ... I'm open to hearing the other side if it

OP posts:
KylieKoKo · 29/04/2020 10:31

Honestly op I think she was just trying to be nice. She wanted to post about her own son and then thought she didn't want to leave yours out. I think you should appreciate that she thought of him and move on.

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2020 10:32

Yeah chances are she just didn't want "what about SS?" questions from either your ex or other people viewing it. There is a lot of pressure on step parents to never leave out their step child or do something that implies they love their own children more.

Shockers · 29/04/2020 10:35

I think it would irritate me too, but it’s probably come from a good place.

curious79 · 29/04/2020 10:39

Your son knows what he thinks. In the meantime you can’t control what she says or does. This says much more about your insecurity than the ex’s girlfriend‘s inappropriateness. I empathise too. My ex started trying to get my daughter to call someone their mother but she refused. In the meantime if she is a kind person and does the right thing by your son then be thankful for that.

itbemay1 · 29/04/2020 10:48

Please let it go and be grateful she loves your son.

BlingLoving · 29/04/2020 10:51

Honestly, of course it's annoying if you feel she's taking credit for your parenting. But there's no point getting worked up and you'd be better off focusing on the fact that at least she wanted to include your son as part of their family.

Stantons · 29/04/2020 10:54

So she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't really

OldEvilOwl · 29/04/2020 10:57

I think she is trying not to leave him out, while mentioning her own son. Wouldn't bother me

Ughmaybenot · 29/04/2020 10:59

You’re being very unfair. Are you looking for a reason to dislike her? It’s lovely that she cares about your son enough to include him alongside her own son. There’s no ‘glory’ in parenting, there’s not a scoreboard and it’s not a competition. You are, and always will be, his mum, but it’s fine for other people to care about him too.

rbe78 · 29/04/2020 11:00

And if she hadn't included your son in her post, maybe she'd have got it in the neck from you/others for excluding him/favouring her own son. You don't have to delve far into the mumsnet step-parenting forums to see that whatever step-parents do, they're branded as either cold-hearted monsters who hate their stepkids, or over-involved psychos who want to replace the parent.

Flower1309 · 29/04/2020 11:03

Nobody is going think she's taking credit and did all the work. You said your son is 18 and they've been together 6 years. That would of made him already 12 when she came into the picture. You're way way over thinking this.

BlueJava · 29/04/2020 11:32

I can see thats hard for you OP but please let it go. At least she loves him. A caption of "My son and step-son" would be weird imo.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 29/04/2020 11:38

I think you could save yourself the annoyance by just not caring tbh OP. He’s 18, she has very little involvement in your life. Don’t give this any headspace. It’s not worthy of any. Honestly- do you want to be spending time being annoyed about things she does?

Original poster
user1474272923 · 29/04/2020 13:01

Yeah ok iv given my head a wobble. I honestly dont try to look for things to hate her for, shes actually a nice woman.
I do understand the trying to be inclusive thing..and I get that.
It just irritated me.. it's was a hard struggle being a single parent.. and I cant pretend it doesnt get my heckles up a bit .. but I think you're right I'm over thinking it.
I've moved on .. cheers to you all for your honesty

OP posts:
GobbleGob · 29/04/2020 14:02

If her own son was in the pictures I'd assume she was just trying to inclusive and nice.

Does it really matter? You're his mum, a picture on FB is not going to change that.

Lllot5 · 29/04/2020 14:11

I’d be spitting feathers. Tell her to fuck off. She’s not his mum.
Don’t care who doesn’t like it either.

GobbleGob · 29/04/2020 14:15

Get a grip Lllot5.

It wouldn't be the girlfriend who looked like a twat if you did that.

Lllot5 · 29/04/2020 14:22

Don’t care id still do it.

GobbleGob · 29/04/2020 14:28

All you'd do is make yourself look like the stereotypical 'crazy ex' but crack on 👍

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