As there are a few current threads on stepchildren being treated the same/differently, I was wondering what other people’s opinions were on this situation.
My aunt has been divorced for quite a while now and has 3 teenage dc in a lovely and expensive private school (approx 20k per year plus extras). Her dc split time between their parents and as a result, neither parent pays maintenance and they split all school expenses 50/50. Relations are very civil but they’re not friends if that makes sense as now the dc are older, they don’t have that much reason to communicate directly. My aunt lives in a nice house and doesn’t have a mortgage and has a high paying job which is demanding.
She met a guy a couple of years ago who has 2 dc of his own (9 and 8). He moved into my aunts home last year and that is where his dc stay when they are with him. He had rented after his divorce and pays maintenance to his ex. Considering they have 5dc between them, it’s all been positive and the dc get on well. They’re all treated the same when it comes to gifts etc. and although they don’t consider themselves siblings, they like each other.
Financially, most things are split 50/50. He is better off as he doesn’t have to pay rent and as my aunt doesn’t have a mortgage, they just split the bills and alternate paying for family outings. For holidays, each pays for themselves and their own dc and have started going away together. Her OH earns around 50k so not a bad salary and he can cover his own expenses and lead a good lifestyle.
However, recently his eldest dc has started saying she really wants to go to the same school as my aunts dc. They go on amazing trips and have longer holidays. Due to the cost though, this isn’t an option as his ex can’t afford to contribute and the cost of sending both of his dc is higher than what he earns. It’s getting awkward as he’s now started saying things like it’s not fair they don’t have the same opportunities, how wonderful it would be if he could afford that school too, he feels like a shit dad for not being able to afford it etc. He’s basically implying that when they get married next year, all money should be joint and all dc sent to the same school. Whilst on paper that’s understandable, my aunt has worked so hard to give her dc those opportunities and is now saving money to pay for first cars/ university/ weddings/ house deposits. If she were to pay for her Sc to attend this school, she wouldn’t be able to do this. It’s already starting to cause some bitterness and resentment. She loves this man and wants a future with him, but she has now privately told me that she doesn’t want this at the expense of not being able to give her dc what she feels they deserve.
My opinion is that she should not be paying for her sc to go to the private school. If her oh can’t afford it, then it’s his problem. He has very low living costs as it is and shouldn’t be expecting my aunt to subsidise his guilt. What do other people think? If/when they get married next year, should all money be joint and school fees paid for all dc? Even if this means she can’t put away any other money for their futures. I’m interested to hear other people’s thoughts.