Please help. What should we do?

[WhatWouldTheDogThink]

I am pregnant at the moment. Due to previous issues, I am considered high risk (in terms of pregnancy I mean).

My step children stay with us 50/50 and their mum is a frontline NHS worker.

My DH and I think the kids should stay with us but she will not agree to that at all and gets quite angry when it's suggested.

I've had pregnancy losses before and whilst I know there's no evidence to suggest CV causes pregnancy loss, I am petrified given that I'm already at a high risk of loss anyway (I need various supplements, hormones etc... to keep a pregnancy going) What should we do? I don't want to say they can't come here because I'm concerned about them as well as is DH. Surely it would be better for them if they stayed with us? (Both WFH).

This is nothing to do with bad relationships, trying to get one over on anyone etc... This is purely down to the safety of both the children and my pregnancy.

I find it really disturbing that people genuinely think the fact that it cheers the mum up seeing her kids after work is a good enough reason to put them at unnecessary risk, just because the risk is not that high. It still exists, children are dying. If I were her I would be jumping at the chance to have them stay with their dad who is clearly far less likely to get it.

However, if she won't agree to it then I would stop having them for the foreseeable. I know that's not what you want to hear, but you are taking on risk to yourself and your baby due to her decisions. Better to not see them for a month or so than take on that risk.

I’m pregnant and high risk too.
We currently have DSD here and I’ve told DH in no uncertain terms that if she’s goes back to her mums and there’s one whiff of her mum not isolating properly (she’s got previous 🙄) then DSD can’t come back here.
Sorry, but this is MY home and I deserve to be safe from other people’s stupidity here, pregnant or not. But especially now.
As per many previous threads about mums/dads/cats being sad about not seeing the children, women facing giving birth alone being told their worries and fears are unreasonable etc and so forth - now is not the time to prioritise people’s feelings. Not is the time to prioritise people’s health and lives.

Whilst I do think you are right OP where is the compassion for the mother??! working on the front line in unimaginable circumstances saving lives and then unable to see her children if you get your way. Not great..

It's nothing to do with having compassion or not... It's to do with people's health and lives. I can have empathy, I can understand that it would be hard for any parent (mother or father) not to see their child. It doesn't mean that they should though.

It shouldn't be about anyone's feelings, it should be what is best in terms of people's health right now, including OPs, just like the rest of the country is having to do.

It sucks, completely sucks. Just like the other NHS staff who are literally moving out of their homes and into separate accomodation to avoid passing anything on to their families.

But it isn't about that, it should be everything to do with minimising the risk to your children. There's no way I'd want to risk my children getting ill whether that meant I could see them or not. Their health is far more important than my feelings over the matter.

Remember most of us will be exposed to CV19 eventually - the current arrangements are to flatten out the peak. The virus won't have gone when the lock down ends. This is why the benefits of kids seeing both parents outweighs the risks. UNLESS any party is high risk which isn't the case here. I understand the OPs concerns but i do think it lifts the pressure on having a 'perfect' lock down. There's a huge number of people still having to work outside the home. They can't all be isolated from their families....

OP - we did the same but basically kept the SDCS after our weekend - Mum a key health worker. I was villified on this subject and my thread chopped.

I get we should have discussed it but we did it for the same reasons as you - there is a ompete double standard on here.

It's bizarre that if Dad posted he'd be praised for keeping the kids safe but if the stepmum posts then it's automatically a malicious act.

My kids aren't seeing their Dad as he lives with someone going through cancer treatment and one of our kids who is home from uni and living with me is a key worker (not NHS) . This keeps everyone here safest and luckily we all agree it's for the best

@bogoffmda didn't only not discuss it, she then demanded money from the mother as she realised the kids cost more when you have to feed them more than EOW, and then had the cheek to say they were providing the mum with free childcare.

It's bizarre that if Dad posted he'd be praised for keeping the kids safe

I don't think even then. More like if Mum posted.

She did not demand monies- she said we were considering asking her for a contirbution as we were both made redundant and she was still working.

Ie me the SM got villified typical

You got vilified because you came on posting about how you and your DP made these decisions, not your DP and the kids mother. Had your DP came on, I'd have gone through him instead. Your posts were shameful and the regular decent SM's on here also told you so.

Clearly op and her husband need to agree with their approach before they present it to the mother? It’s no use if op and her husband aren’t in agreement.

Where has it been suggested they aren't in agreement? The OP says My DH and I think

Bogoff don't misrepresent your thread. Your post was about getting money from the Rp.

I honestly don't think this is a stepmother vs mother issue that is common on these boards.
I think the difference in posts is people who think the governments advice on dc carrying on contact is right and those who think it's wrong.

The people who think it's wrong will be both Rp and nrp. I think contact should go ahead as normal unless someone in either house is shielding.

@LittleMcJiggle

I was responding to the comment above mine “ You got vilified because you came on posting about how you and your DP made these decisions, not your DP and the kids mother. ”