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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Virus and moving from house to house

39 replies

Maxhiggins · 15/03/2020 10:17

I'm thinking that as this virus spreads and the government are suggesting limiting social contact, wfh etc and the possibility of isolating how does this look with regards to passing kids between houses?

Common sense says not to but of course emotions kick in. Other step parents what are your practical thoughts? Do you have different plans in place?

OP posts:

Magda72 · 18/03/2020 00:57

@Helena112 - see my post upthread.
It will be much safer for everyone if they stay at one house for 14 days & if their parents can't see that they are fools (sorry to sound so harsh).
The biggest issue with corona is it's spreadability. People can be symptom free but carriers for up to 14 days & minimising contact is the only effective way to slow the virus down.
Here in Ireland we are being encouraged to only send one person in every household to the shops/pharmacy to minimize the contactabilty coming into each house & parents are being told to keep their kids practicing social distancing & isolation - not because kids are overly at risk but because they are the biggest spreaders.
We all have a responsibility to try to knock this thing on the head & if it means not seeing our kids for 14 days so be it.

lotusbell · 18/03/2020 06:47

I need to speak to my OH about this as he is looking at potentially self isolating for 12 weeks as his illness means he's like in the at risk group. He has his 12 year old at ours whenever he can, usually just over the weekend so can't see him not seeing her for 12 weeks! I think he should be staying at home for that full period and not going out to get her, especially when the kids are still in school, but can't see him agreeing to that.
My son should be ok to go to his dad's as usual until otherwise told! Confusing times.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 18/03/2020 07:08

I’m worried about this. My son is in the vulnerable group and so is my partner. We have agreed that if DS or I have to go on lockdown while he is with his kids, he cannot come back here at the risk of infecting DS.

On the other hand, his ex is adamant that although she cancels contact nily willy, never allows the children to be with him at Christmas and will do absolutely fuck all if dad gets ill and need to self isolate, she needs to have a rest and wants to split the care 50/50 during lockdown.

Obviously, I don’t want him to stop seeing his children, but I can see him suffering the illness on his own because he wouldn’t be able to travel back to us if he is ill and we are not (or there are restrictions) but I’m sure she will pick up the kids and let him die if that happens and obviously, I can’t do much about it without risking DS’ life.

If we both were his wives, the best place for him to be would be with his children and her. But we are not and I worry about him being alone and ill during a very possible lockdown given his vulnerability.

All a mess...

Magda72 · 18/03/2020 10:02

This is why it's soooo important to take distancing & isolation seriously - especially with children & teens who may have no symptoms but who could infect many.
This is far more important than who gets to 'have' the kids.

Original poster

Maxhiggins · 18/03/2020 10:09

Magda72 where did you see that pic please I'd like to send it to my OH

OP posts:

starrysimon · 18/03/2020 10:20

DH and I are waiting on BM to make a decision for this weekend’s contact. She’s sporadic at the best of times. SS stays at MIL’s where he stayed with DH before our relationship began as he is autistic and needs his routine. We have tried to introduce him into our home but he just can’t get used to it as he has stayed at MIL’s for 7 years now. DH stays there for the contact EOW. FIL is immunosuppressed after cancer recovery and SS is coming from another area so risk of spreading is high. Our house is not an option as I’m 8 months pg and self isolating. DH and I doubt he will have any contact for quite some time but he can FaceTime/Skype. We are also very sad that he probably won’t be able to spend time with his sister (our daughter) for a while and our baby when she is born

MarieQueenofScots · 18/03/2020 10:54

If anyone can’t see their step-children during this, maybe see if you can increase maintenance to cover the time period.

KiddingMyself · 18/03/2020 10:55

LittleLittleLittle sorry I didn't see your reply...

Unfortunately neither of us can do that as I'm at a uni which has shut down and he runs his own business.

starrysimon · 18/03/2020 11:03

MarieQueenofScots we really wish we could but OH is now out of work indefinitely. No sick pay as he is a self employed contractor. Just paid this month’s full CM out of my savings. We are going to have to apply for UC. We have rent, bills and two resident children to pay for so it’s not as simple as it sounds unfortunately. I suppose this will be the same for most during these difficult times BM lives with her parents who are quite well off so we are satisfied that SS will be well provided for if she is also out of work

Herja · 18/03/2020 11:14

No step parents involved, but my ex husband and I have decided to continue as normal. BUT he is now working from home, my university has closed and we will be going door to door by car.

We have also agreed that if one household is in isolation, then we both go in to full isolation immediately, with the children remaining in the current house for the duration. We are also pulling the kids from school as of tomorrow, so that I am able to provide care for my mother (previously given by my grandparents, she's too ill to cook or clean and there are no longer shopping delivery slots... I will go once a week to clean and cook a weeks worth of food). This is the only way we can find which seems to keep my mother as safe as possible. If all three households are in isolation it should be safe hopefully!

I have to say, that my (usually) twat of an ex has gone above and beyond for my family.

Notcrackersyet · 18/03/2020 11:42

In France, which is in full lockdown, one of the five legitimate reasons for being outside your home is for children to move between their homes. The relevant minister has confirmed that custody arrangements can continue as usual (unless there’s a quarantine issue)

TheHarryFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 18/03/2020 12:05

We are treating it as one big household, both isolating and moving the dc by car between two houses

Magda72 · 18/03/2020 13:08

@Maxhiggins it's doing that rounds on Facebook. Somebody obviously put it together after the WHO released the figures on our average level of transmission. A lot of sites & shops here in Ireland are now using it to explain restrictions & closures to people.
If you can't screenshot it from here dm me & I'll get it to you.

Original poster

Maxhiggins · 18/03/2020 13:31

Doh never thought to screen shot cuz was on my laptop! Thank you

OP posts:

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