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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Virus and moving from house to house

39 replies

Maxhiggins · 15/03/2020 10:17

I'm thinking that as this virus spreads and the government are suggesting limiting social contact, wfh etc and the possibility of isolating how does this look with regards to passing kids between houses?

Common sense says not to but of course emotions kick in. Other step parents what are your practical thoughts? Do you have different plans in place?

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 15/03/2020 10:19

Staying for a week in one place rather than moving should not be an insurmountable issue.

ChocolateTea · 15/03/2020 10:22

My kids have gone to their dads this weekend, but we have already had a conversation that if they get symptoms in the week they won't go next week. Equally if they get symptoms there they will be picked up immediately (other factors there)

My stepson is due to go to his mother's in a couple of weeks for the Easter break. If he is symptom free he will still be going on the coach there. If he's not, he will stay here. Its annoying and I'm sure his mother will moan, but it's common sense.

SistemaAddict · 15/03/2020 10:25

I have been wondering about this too. It's a situation that's bound to be abused by abusive exes. I'm so glad my dc are not seeing their dad at the moment anyway as he would use this to his full advantage.

MarieQueenofScots · 15/03/2020 10:27

I’m not a step-parent but DD has one.

We’ve had a chat and in the case of isolation etc DD will stay with me (step-mum has two parents in high risk categories) and we’ll facilitate contact through FaceTime etc. Ex has offered to increase maintenance for this period but I won’t accept.

user1493413286 · 15/03/2020 10:28

We won’t be having DSD if she gets symptoms while at home and if she got them here she’d stay here for the week but other than if we’re all put on lock down then she’ll still be coming every other weekend. This is going to go on for weeks and we just have to take sensible precautions (that’s our view, everyone is entitled to their own obviously). Our DD is still in nursery and DH doesn’t have the option to work from home so unless those things close we’re still out of the house and at risk so having DSD isn’t going to put us at any more risk

KiddingMyself · 15/03/2020 10:52

Mine live with us full time (near enough) and my dp's lives with us 50%. Their mum has mental health issues (carrying a severe diagnosis but won't identify on here) and a strong tendency to put her needs before the children's. We have serious concerns that if we have to instigate isolation that she'll take us straight to court for breach of the court order. We'll be completely supportive if she instigates it, but really worried about ending up back in court- not to mention the emotional damage to the kids with what she puts on them completely unfairly.

So far all our court experiences have been entirely supportive of the concerns regarding her mental health, but all it takes is one judge with a differing view...

Original poster
Maxhiggins · 15/03/2020 11:33

@kiddingmyself that must be really tough for you all I'm sorry.

OH is talking about working from home to reduce contact which I like because it also protects me too but in the same breath is planning a kids birthday party, it seems a bit of a contradiction

OP posts:
iamabox · 15/03/2020 11:45

SD lives with us 50% of the time. In week here, one week at mums. If she has symptoms here, she will stay with us, or if SD has symptoms at mums she will stay there. Both her mum and dad (my OH) have underlying health issues which could complicate things.

offlikeabanger · 15/03/2020 11:46

We haven't discussed, but my DC stays at ex's 2/3 nights per week. I feel that even if he displays symptoms while there, he should then come back here, as he has a baby sibling, plus SM there, but only me here. Although, chances are they'd all have it by then 🤷‍♀️

LittleLittleLittle · 15/03/2020 11:50

@KiddingMyself one of you should get evidence from your employers that you are/were in isolation, so if she does instigate Court proceedings the judge wouldn't be impressed.

Helena112 · 16/03/2020 08:11

This worry's me too! I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant, with triplets! Due to deliver in 8 weeks. My SD age 11 stays with us 50% of the time - so 3/4 nights a week. She spends half the week at her mums, with her half brother and sister and step dad then comes to us.

I'm not sure what to do for the best. My DH seems to think the arrangement should just stay the same. I'm worried due to the lack of advice for pregnant women, I'm partly thinking of moving back in with my parents just for the last few weeks of my pregnancy! Or at least suggesting she stays in one house, but that won't go down well.. and I understand that!

Am I being reasonable thinking of just leaving them to it for the next few weeks 🥴

TheStuffedPenguin · 16/03/2020 08:58

This is something that has crossed my mind too . Late teens SD stays in an urban area and is likely to be "running free" over the Easter hols . My H and I are a bit older and both have underlying health conditions . Perhaps my H should be having a word with his ex about this ie just to clarify that if she has symptoms then she cannot come . I can just imagine the shitstorm he will get about that !

loststarling · 16/03/2020 10:26

To be honest, whilst they are going to school and coming home from there, I'm more concerned about that than them being at mum's house.

If they show symptoms maybe things would change, but then we would have already seen them for 7 days of the 14 day incubation period! Sad OH's dad is extremely vulnerable for multiple reasons, I suspect we will continue as normal but without seeing grandparents. That leaves me (on mat leave) in charge of DSC a lot of the time they are here, unless/until OH's work shuts down.

Magda72 · 16/03/2020 12:16

I'm in Ireland and the schools shut last Thursday. I've told my exh that the kids (14 & 18) will be staying with me for 14 days (the incubation period). Kids and teens may have this virus but will have little or no symptoms. They are what's know as vectors - ie they are the category that will get the least sick but will have the highest rate of transmission.
Social distancing or self isolation needs to occur even without symptoms, as moving from house to house within a 14 day period only increases the risk of vector transmission.
If any of you or your parents are compromised I would strongly advise keeping your kids in the one house for 14 days.
If my guys & I are symptom clear after 14 days & if my exh, his dw & their kids are symptom clear also then my guys will go to their dads for the next 14 days.

Charlottejade89 · 17/03/2020 03:21

my 3 step children came to is this weekend just gone, and dss9 had a horrible cough and spent the whole weekend coughing over everything and into blankets etc. All blankets and bedding hot washed and house fully disinfected. Has had to be kept off school today now and apparently dsd16 also has a cough. So I asked my partner if they could stay at home until there coughs have gone (pretty sure it's not corona but just to be safe) he was in agreement

Helena112 · 17/03/2020 10:43

Am I right in thinking that when school are asked to close.. hopefully sooner rather than later! kids should stay in one house for 14 days. If no symptoms can go to the other parents house for the next 14days?

I'm very worried about this as I'm 24 weeks pregnant, DSD age 11 normally spends half the week with us and half the week with her mum. I'm not sure if swapping houses every 3/4 days is a good idea! Do you all agree a change over after 14 days will be best? or am I being selfish and should just let them all carry on with swapping every 3/4 days ? Confused

Original poster
Maxhiggins · 17/03/2020 11:41

Personally I think they are better staying in one place

OP posts:
Helena112 · 17/03/2020 12:09

But for how long.. seems really sad for one parent to not see their child for weeks on end 😔

Original poster
Maxhiggins · 17/03/2020 12:10

Yes but sad vs passing around potential illness!! Is it essential?

OP posts:
Helena112 · 17/03/2020 12:13

I agree, but I'm not sure how my DH or his ex would take this advice coming from me as the SM !

Scarycoaster · 17/03/2020 12:35

We've sadly had to accept we won't be able to have sdc for a while. My parents live with us and are over 70 and have cancer. I'm also 28 weeks pregnant.

We just can't take the risk. Although I wonder if DH would at least be able to go out and see them for the day? Or is that still taking too much risk? For what it is worth he will still be working and we are in the process of creating a "safe" zone for my parents.

Bibidy · 17/03/2020 16:44

Wondered about this too.

My OH lives with me but has his 2 kids EOW at PIL's. They are 60s without any conditions so not mega high risk, but the kids also live in a totally different part of the country.

I think I'd feel a little less worried about it if they were local but it seems a bit worrying to be passing them back and forward over 100 miles. The 2 areas could be at totally different stages and levels when it comes to number of cases.

But at the same time he also has a responsibility to have them and if he doesn't then their mum is solo with them 24/7. Her mum is in the at risk group so won't be able to help with childcare anymore. However I'm guessing their mum is now working from home so may not need grandparent's help currently, fingers crossed.

KnotOnMyWatch · 17/03/2020 16:47

I've thought of this but not sure what to suggest.

Mum is an NHS worker though so really I'd like to say we would keep the kids with us as less critical workers but I don't think she'd be happy with that.

stuffedpeppers · 17/03/2020 18:42

Hard situations as an NHS worker - the only thing I look forward to at the moment is seeing my kids.

People have got to work it out, it can not fall just to the mother mainly in these scenarios - this could go on for 18 months.

Some sensible suggestions already worked out by people

KylieKoKo · 17/03/2020 20:33

Neither of us are at high risk so DPs children are welcome here as always. It's their home. It might be different if we were at high risk or likely to be around high risk people.