Sorry, this turned in to a bit of an epic tale. Apologies....
My other half has just been told he can have half of all school holidays with his daughter (court order states term time contact to be suspended during school holidays. School holidays shall be shared equally between the parties).
Easter will be the first shared holiday. Child is 3, and has spent 5 days with her dad on holidays previously.
Mum isn't happy about the new court order. In fact, it would be fair to say she was furious. The order was made just under 2 weeks ago. My other half decided it would be best to let things settle before broaching how the division of easter will look.
Anyway, she messaged him yesterday and said she had been thinking about the holidays, and she proposed that as the first weekend of easter would have ordinarily been her weekend, she would keep that. Then as the child had a swimming lesson on the tuesday, she propsed dad got from 4pm on the tuesday, until 5pm on the sunday so that she could go home and see what the easter bunny had brought her.
Fine in principle - but this wasn't half of the holiday. He would have 5 nights, while she would have 11! He gently pointed this out by asking where she would like him to have the remaining time.
Well, this did not go down well in the slightest. She eventually offered tuesday 4pm until the monday 5pm. She would not in any way accept that 7 days and nights is a week. She actually argued that a week is monday - sunday. No matter what he pointed out to her she would not back down on this idea. She also wouldn't accept that the easter holiday was 16 days, and half of this was 8. She said it was 10 days, so 5 was half. She actually threw a written hissy fit. She said she would deny contact if he didn't agree to her dates (as in number of days contact). Then she started ranting about the court order saying she only had to give 28 days notice to keep the child longer (previous holiday arrangements were 28 days notice for either party with no opportunity to say no to it provided notice given. Current order has no such stipulation). Then the rant went on to saying she had a holiday booked so she wasn't giving him any more time and that was that. This was despite being at court less than 2 weeks ago and being asked of any issues for the easter holiday and her saying no.
The upshot is, well, who knows really. He agreed to the dates she suggested but is asking her to figure out where she wants the additional contact to be. He has given her free reign of dates to whatever works for her. She states she won't be agreeing to any other times though. He has suggested him having longer over the May half term but shot down in flames over that suggestion. Also suggested putting the time on to the summer holidays. Ignored completely over that one. She has a strong history of trying to control and manipulate the orders to her benefit. So none of this behaviour was a big surprise to either me or my other half.
Is he being unreasonable to think half of holidays should mean half of holidays (within reason obviously as sometimes things can't work out that way)? He has no objection to splitting the time up, he doesn't mind if she has 9 days and he has 7 ultimately - it's the issue over how she will do this at every single holiday. She has derailed every extended holiday time he has had with his daughter. Recent examples include her not wanting him to have 1 extra contact day at christmas (he had 26th/27th court ordered and then no contact again til his normal weekend of 3rd, so as family live over 4 hours away he wanted to extend from sunday night to monday night to facilitate visit. She didn't like it but the order allowed for it with it's wording. So she called the police saying she didn't know where the child was. Even though she did...). She also didn't allow him to have any extra time in the feb half term, which he left as it was back in court imminently.
He is a teacher, so the holidays are their quality time together. So he obviously feels strongly about the holiday sitatuon - it was one of the main drivers to going back to court as the previous order wasn't fit for purpose.
I'm all for a peaceful life, and letting things go. So is he. But this is a pattern of behaviour that has been displayed through this child's life, and she has stated in text she is willing to breach the order to get her way.
He really does not want to have to enforce the order if she continues this in to the summer holidays. So, can any of you make suggestions to how to move forward (and please don't suggest that he should let her do what she wants). Maybe resources used to help work out holiday division time? Is there something to help her understand how holidays can be split relatively equally? I don't know. I'm clutching at straws here. There is a small child who loves spending time with her dad and extended family. But it is being regularly sabotaged. This isn't good for anyone.