Maybe stepparenting is a gift?

[C1239]

New Year... want to try and generally have a more positive attitude.. two stepchidren under 10 (not married to my partner but live together and been together over 5 years) , very lucky to generally get on great with the children who we have with us regularly and a civil relationship with their Mum.

Has anyone ever thought before that actually stepparenting could be seen as a gift?! To feel lucky to have a lovely partner and be able to help bring up these children whilst also having time for one to one time with your partner to keep the relationship strong?

There always seems to be negatively about stepparenting, it would just be nice to hear more people see the positives in it?!

I was dating in my 40's and it was very difficult to meet men of my age without kids, and if I'm honest, if I met someone who hadn't already been married or had a long term partner and had a family by the time they were 40+ I would probably have wondered what was wrong with them.

@chocolatesaltyballs22 I probably was the same when I was dating but life has shown me how wrong this perception can be.
A few years ago I met a man in his 50's through work & he explained to me the reason he never had kids is that timing with career/relationships just never worked out. It wasn't that he didn't actively want kids - his life just didn't work out that way. He's one of the most balanced, well adjusted people I know.
My best friend who doesn't have kids stopped dating men with kids as she always felt second best. She eventually (in her 40's) met a man also in his 40's who didn't have kids & had never been married. I was initially sceptical & yes, thought "what's wrong with him"? But they're married 3 years now and are probably the happiest, devoted couple I know.
My field of work has a lot of childless and/or single people in it & I can honestly say I know more content childless people/couples or single parents than I know couples with kids & the least content people I know are those in blended situations!
Obviously this is just my experience & there are of course exceptions.
However I think one of the reasons blended couples struggle is that in blending you do lose control over your life - things get dictated by scs & exs. Single people/parents & childless couples get to choose (for the most part) how they want to live their lives. And I see 'intact' couples with kids struggle also as resentments build over childcare vs work vs finances. I wouldn't be without my kids for the world (& I'm not for one minute making light of not having/being able to have kids) but I'm a happier person & happier parent when single. However I do think I'm now mature enough to have a relationship with a man with no ties. Maybe I'm just a control freak lol.

That's great for you and your friend @magda72, and just shows how wrong perceptions can be! You're so right about the loss of control when exes etc are involved - it can make life very complicated. If I had my time again I would not marry a man with kids, but I love my husband very much and don't regret marrying him for one minute. But I think I definitely under-estimated the impact that blending our two families would have.

I feel like @albertatrilogy upthread, and my two DSCs are about the same age as hers. I've known them since they were small.

Their Mum is very nice (although relations between her and DH have never been good!) and she's always been friendly to me although these days there are lots of miles between all of us.

I have no DCs of my own sadly, so I guess they are a gift. I'm glad to have been part of their lives and they of mine (even when they were horrible teenagers!).

My chap had never been married not had kids when I met him at 50. He was a bit of explorer so had a few long term relationships but never with a local women so there was an element of transience with those relationships. He'd have loved kids but he thinks the relationship timing and situations were never right. He's more of a home bird these days and gets on great with my teenager

I have readjusted my SM status to be more of an Aunt. We had a very very rocky start (afraid to say that the ex-w made things very difficult) but we've been in each other's lives for nearly 7 years now and I am very fond of them and truly support them and want the best for them - hell we even have fun! But I very much play an Aunt role. It works for us.