Blended family and sickness between kids

[g059902]

Hi all

My so and I have 4 kids between us. My 2 are 4 and 8, his 2 are 3 and 10.
I just want some general feedback on what other people think about the whole sickness and blended family thing.

My view is that irrelevant of if children (either side) are sick with common illness’s (flu; colds;bugs; things that kids commonly pick up) then contact should still maintain. (We have them every other week/holidays etc).

A few weeks back so youngest was diagnosed with whooping cough, we weren’t told the whole truth which of course resulted in my youngest getting sick. I was devastated.

My child has now picked up chicken pox, (I don’t think chicken pox are as sever as whooping cough in my opinion and also something I would class as a common illness kids pick up throughout childhood - better to get it when they are young,
Unlike whooping cough which is just horrible and awful and no one should get it).

My so has decided he’s not coming home the weekend now and staying elsewhere with his kids because he doesn’t want them getting ill.
I’m furious. I feel as though a divide has been placed on the blended family and it seems ok for so to have his children when they are sick (which I wouldn’t contest to) but when mine are, he’ll do anything to avoid ‘blending’ them.

He’s also reminded me that he hasn’t had chicken pox and so he doesn’t want to risk getting them. I reminded him that neither have I so why should it be ok for him to opt out of family life when he chooses? That’s not how a family works? 🤔

Anyone else agree or see my POV or am I being out of order? I feel like we should be a family and everyone be treated the same, the good bits and bad bits.

It's not a case of opting out of family life. Would you really want his child to catch it and risk DP getting it too? It's much more serious in adults.

I think the kids should stay away for sure. Your DP not so sure but if I could prevent catching a nasty disease I think I would too. What help is he going to be if he also gets sick?

So who else is he potentially infecting if he has gone to stay elsewhere and you live together?

Yabu. Chicken pox can be life threatening. I knew a child who died. You're being selfish.

I take the same approach as schools and nurseries: don’t mix children with infectious illnesses with other kids if there is any choice. We had my husbands ex bring round his kids with norovirus ‘because it’s your weekend’. They were unhappy at being got out of bed and sent over as they were in a wretched state. The result was no contact with their dad as they were all in bed sick by Saturday night and being looked after by me. The next week I was off work sick and my 18 month old too, coming to our room at night in hysterics covered in vomit. That’s why now, contact arrangements stop if there is an infectious illness in either house. I’d relent if their mum were too sick to look after them or they wanted to come round while sick (they are teenagers so they can say), but otherwise It’s postponed to the following weekend or extra days during the week. In your case, I’d say the same should happen on both sides. Reschedule the contact - it’s usually not in the kids interests to stick rigidly to these dates when they are sick, but the adults.