Is it socially acceptable to call him my step son?

[rlw10]

I have been with my partner for 18 months, when we got together his son was 9 months old. I had met the son a few times before my partner and I got together as we were friends for several years beforehand, so I was quite active in his son's life from the start.
I get along well with my partner's son's mum and I look after him on my own a lot as my partner often works weekends and holidays. We have a son of our own now but I don't treat my partner's son any differently, we within the family refer to him as my step son and me as his step mum but I've have people outside of the family correct me because I'm not married to his father, and I feel silly saying it at my age (21).
I just find it easier to say than "my partners son" and I feel that because of our bond and close relationship we are as much a family as we would be if my partner and I were married, and we're not going to get married because he doesn't see the point in marriage, which I have accepted
So, is it alright for me to call him that or should I forever refer to him as "my partner's son?"
TIA sorry it's long winded 🙈

Way way too soon to be using step son. He only becomes that on marriage. For now, he’s your boyfriends son.

Keep to the question

That’s not how conversation works.

If someone posts that they’re looking for recommendations for a new car air freshener to mask the smell of burn coming from the engine, you don’t stick around to solely debate the merits of Scented Pine vs Vanilla Cupcake.

Having children from a previous relationship isn't a sin. Not wanting to get married isn't a sin. Having kids young, although difficult, isn't a sin
Nobody is saying any of that.

Have some faith.
Or give women the information for them to make informed decisions about whatever is best for them and their family.

To be honest Charweexoxo your whole post sounds quite defensive and very much "my relationship is fine, don't give women information to make informed decisions just tell them to have hope". It's naive and defensive.

Nobody says anyone HAS to get married, what they are suggesting is that the OP is informed before making a decision about her own future and security.

I never understand why any woman would have an issue with other women advocating women making informed decisions.

@LolaSmiles

I agree with your last post.

Yeah, I really don't think you've been together long enough to brand yourself his step-mum.

You're only 18 months in.
The dust hadn't settled on the poor lads mum and dad breaking up, he doesn't need you swooping in to name yourself as 'step mum.'
Between that and new baby brother, he must be so confused.

It frustrates me so much reading on here about how people enter kids lives so quickly and expect titles and relationships almost immediately.
No one thinks of the kids, just themselves and their feelings.

Take things slowly from now on. This isn't a game, these are actually little people, with actual feelings.

If you really feel the relationship will stand the rest of time there's plenty of time to be called step-mum.
Right now, just be and, if anyone asks, say X is DPs son.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss whilst I agree that it's too soon and I know what you're getting at, my aunt and uncle have never married and have been together for 16 years. His child lives with them, always has, it'd be odd to not call her his step mother. Yes at 18 months it's silly, but years and years, over a decade and a half down the line even if not married, you'd not consider someone a step parent. Marriage status is not a great indicator that someone fulfils the role of a step parent, particularly when some people get married very soon and divorce not long after

My mam and stepdad are together around 19 years and not married, my mam calls his son her step son as his mother is still around but my step dad introduces myself and my brother as his son and daughter, I buy him gifts with dad rather than step dad because my "dad" hasn't been in the picture since I was a baby. My step dad is my dad but my mam would never ever dream of trying to replace his mam. It does take years to build up the trust and confidence in a child and although I'm not sure if I would have a problem with my son being called a step son after thinking about it for the day I think it should be one of those things where the child is old enough to call you it first so they understand and aren't pushed to call you that. It's a complicated one really

I find the best bet with anyone I know reasonably well is just to refer to my DSC by name. It's shorter and easier. I'm married to their dad now but that worked well when we weren't. If I was speaking to someone who didn't know the kids I might have called them my stepkids, or sometimes my partner's kids, I don't think it really matters. If anyone challenges you, just say you consider him a step child and treat him as one. If you're living together and have the child with you a significant amount of time, I think it's a perfectly ok term to use.