Bedroom situation

[CBADotCom]

DP and I are having a discussion about the bedroom situation at my home. I have 2 DS (17 and 13), he has 1 DS (12). I live in a good sized 2 bedroom.

A year ago DSS had to move in with us due to a situation with his mum. As the bedroom situation was far from ideal, we rejigged the layout downstairs to create a small bedroom for my eldest DS, put my youngest and DSS in the biggest room and we had the other bedroom. Plan was to put up a stud wall in the big bedroom so DS2 and DSS had their own space too.

Fast forward a few months and DSS decided that he didn't want to live here anymore - wont give a reason, although we suspect it's because here I have boundaries and expectations, like tidy up after yourself, act a bit independently and gadgets off at a reasonable time. Nothing that DP thinks is unreasonable. But his parents live in a huge house, dote on DSS and do EVERYTHING for him, so DSS went to stay there one weekend and refused to come back. So DP and DSS now live there. DP stays here 2/3 times a week (depending on his shifts - is easier to get to work from here), DSS no more than once a week. DSS wont be coming back to live here as his school has now been changed to one near DP's parents so he can get there and back on his own.

So, the bedroom situation is now that DS1 has small partitioned room downstairs, I have small bedroom and DS2 has a huge room which he shares with DSS no more than once a week.

I want to switch rooms with DS2 - he have the smaller room with a double bed (for him - he's already 5' 9" and a single will be too small soon) with a single bunk above (for DSS); I have the bigger room so I can have more space for my things plus have office space for work again (the office space was what was partitioned off for DS1 room). However, DP thinks that will be yet another reason for DSS to not want to stay here as he's being treated 'unfavourably' by not getting a double bed. I think DSS has his own room at DP's parents home so if he wants a double bed get him one there.

Any thoughts, suggestions, opinions are appreciated. Thank you.

[Starlight456]

I have a 12 year old . He demands many things he doesn’t get many.

I would not be entertaining these games.

[HotChocolateLover]

Why on Earth are you not ordering a child out of the master bedroom. When my son said he wanted the biggest bedroom DH and I told him to bog off. Not sure why you are asking strangers on the internet. Really sorry if my post seems harsh but you deserve the large room and your DS does
Not need an explanation as to why he’s moving.

[sassbott]

The one thread on here where everyone is unanimous in their view.

Your house. Your children come first. Your DP does not get any say. And in your shoes I’d do this quickly so that DSS doesn’t have a place to come back to. He’s being given this much power at the age of 12? Good luck in 2 years to all of the so called adults around him.

Be grateful they are out and make your home yours x

[Beamur]

I think what you are suggesting is fine. Of course you should have the bigger room as it's no longer being shared.
Your DP and DSS are guests in your house so it's up to you how to facilitate that.

[cardamoncoffee]

OP you have a DP problem first and foremost. He is conveniently staying at yours when it suits his work shifts, but wants to dictate how space is used? Your house is far too small for 3 teens, it's hardly surprising that the dss doesn't want to stay. Please do not surround your own dc for your cocklodger boyfriend.

[cardamoncoffee]

*Surround= sideline.

[monkeymonkey2010]

So he hasn't got the balls to stand up to his parents or pull them up for overstepping boundaries - but he can easily take that attitude with YOU?
When he doesn't even live with you and his son only deigns to visit when it suits him?

I'm not surprised your DP hasn't considered changing HIS job/hours to accommodate being a better parent to his son and being able to afford his financial irresponsibility towards him....that would mean having to BE responsible instead of just creating the perception that he is.

It sounds like DP is used to having others provide/pick up after him and take on his responsibilities....whilst he just whinges and whines about how 'unfair' life is for him/his son.

Go ahead and switch the rooms around - he doesn't get to dictate jack shit about what happens in a house he has CHOSEN not to live in.