CAN ANY ONE HELP ME PLEASE?

[BETTYBIMBO]

I DON'T KNOW WERE TO START REALLY BUT HERE GOES....

I HAVE TWO LITTLE GIRLS AGES 4 1/2 AND 2 1/2.

THERE BIO FATHER NEVER BOTHERED WITH EITHER AFTER WE SPLIT WHICH WAS WHEN MY 4 YEAR OLD WAS 18MONTHS OLD AND 2 YEAR OLD WAS JUST BORN.

THEN WHEN 4 YEAR OLD WAS 2 1/2 HE TOOK ME TO COURT AND WANTED CONTACT WHICH HE WANTED! IN A CONTACT CENTRE.

THE COURT AGREED BUT IT NEVER GOT OFF THE GROUND CAUSE IT CAUSED MY NOW 4 YEAR OLD TOO MUCH UPSET.. I PROMOTED CONTACT AS MUCH AS POSS BUT SHE WOULDN'T GO IN WITH HIM.

MY 2ND LOVLEY HUSBAND HAS BROUGHT MY CHIDLREN UP SINCE MY SPLIT WITH MY EX HUSBAND AND MY CHILDREN LOOK ON MY HUSBAND AS THERE DAD (THERE OUR CHILDREN IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN).

I NEVER STOPPED MY EX SEEING THE KIDS EVER. BUT HE STOPPED GOING TO THE CONTACT CENTRE WENT BACK TO COURT AND ASKED FOR A REPORT TO BE GONE ON MY 4 YEAR OLD (WAS 3 AT THE TIME) AS HE THOUGHT I WAS TURNING HER HEAD AGAINST HIM.

THE COURT AGREED - I HAD NO CHOICE... SO A MEETING WAS HELP FOR THEM TO LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER AND IT CAME BACK THAT SHE JUST DIDNT UNDERSTAND HIM AND WAS CHOISING TO REJECT HIM HELFSELF!! KEEP TRYING WITH MEETINGS AND MAY BE SHE WOULD BREAK..

ALL THIS WAS SO STRESSFUL FOR EVERYONE INCLUDING ME AND MY HUBBY.. WE HAD TO CUDDLE HER TO SLEEP MOST NIGHTS AFTER ONCE A TWO HOUR MONTH VISIT TO THIS CONTACT CENTRE.

THEN MY EX STOPPED COMING TO SEE HER.. AND APPLIED TO COURT FOR INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER...

AGAIN THE COURT AGREED HE COULD WRITE TO HER AND SEND PRESENTS AND CARDS ETC...

BUT GUESS WHAT - HE HASN'T BOTHERED!!! NEARLY 12 MONTHS LATER NOW...

THAT A BIT OF THE BACK GROUND ANY WAY...

I AM LOOKING FOR HELP TO GET US THROUGH WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW..

WE RECEIVED A LETTER TO CONFIRM THAT MY EX AGREES TO ME AND MY HUBBY ADOPTING BOTH GIRLS.

WE DROPPED IN TEARS WITH JOY...!!!!

BUT .. HE HAS FOUND OUT SHE AS JUST STARTED SCHOOL AND IS PHONING THE SCHOOL TO ARRANGE A VIEWING ETC...!!!!!

HE HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH EITHER CHILD FOR OVER 12 MONTHS.

I HAVE AN INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER IN PLACE WHICH STATES I HAVE TO SEND A COPY OF THE SCHOOL REPORT ETC... BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY ADDRESS OR CONTACT NUMBER ETC FOR HIM..

AND HE IS TELLING THE SCHOOL HE IS GOING TO THE EDUCATIONAL BOARD TO REPORT THEM IF THEY DON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS!!!

I AM WORN OUT AND IN SUCH A STATE.. I WANT TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN BUT THE LAW SEEMS TO LET HIM IN AND OUT AS HE WANTS....

IF I WENT BACK TO COURT DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD REMOVE HIS PARENTAL RIGHTS?

PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO OUT MY MIND PLEASE..

What a sad and trying situation you have been through. I would contact a good solicitor (If you haven't done already). Explain the situation. It sounds to me that you have more than enough evidence to do something about this yo-yo behaviour that is affecting your children. Have been in a similar divorce situation myself. Make sure that you write everything down that he does with dates and details. Good luck. It does get better in time. Stay strong!

I suddenly have deja vu, haven't we seen this thread somewhere before?

yes you have - but it's my fault as I suggested she cross-post so that people with similar concerns would be more certain to notice

Oh I see. Thanks Binkie.

Hi Betty bimbo...
Don't panic... go to your solicitor and ask him/her to arrange a residential order for the child. This means that you hold the cards as to where and what your child does/goes. It doesn't necessarily mean that the Biodad loses any right to ask or put his opinions across to do with the child but it does mean that what ever happens with your child, has to go through you first and if this doesn't suit you then it has to go through the courts. Don't panic. You are the prime carer, your husband has a duty to your child as an adult too. Has your husband got parental responsibility? If not, get it. This too must be applied for through the courts but it shouldn't be a problem.
Go to your solicitor and get some info from the courts (leaflets and forms).
Dont' forget that the biodad may have a parental right but you do too. The school also has a responsibilty to the child too. If you do not want bio to contact school, tell the school. You may have to have it backed up legally but the school should be on your side.
To clarify... go to solicitor. Get residency order. Get hubby parental responsibility. talk to the school.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for all your kind advise...

I don't understand the law.. I do have a solicitor .. the same one for the past 3 years....

I have a residence order in place already!!!

When my ex and me split up he never bothered with contact is wasn't until he found out that my life was back on track that he applied straight to the court for contact rights.....

My solicitor said I would be lucky if I got a residence order but when I attended the first hearing the judge ruled one with out even asking for one.. "he said he feels it is going to be one of those cases!".. not sure what he meant but put some rules in place...

so an order is in place... much to the shock of my solicitor at the time....

But other than getting a passport and taking the kids on holiday without having to ask for ex's permission and I don't think it stands for much really in the eyes of the law.. does it?

I then moved to another town once I married my hubby as it was closer to his work and had better schools in the area for when the chidren were old enough to go to school.....

The new judge at the court here wasn't the same... He didn't seem interested at all....

An indirect order was put into place which is called a consent order..

My ex just seems to run circles around the law.. well ... he asks for something and then when he gets it changes his mind...

like I said before.. he can a contact order.. then an indirect order in the form of consent order and doesn't follow any... he just does as he wants.. ie contacts school direct etc...

The worst thing is he lives or should I say as far as we know still lives 300 miles away from us...

My solicitor says let sleeping dogs lie until the adoption which is delayed cause of long waiting lists... we may have to wait upto 3 years before we get it to court...

Anyone got any experience of these things?

Any help is much appricated...

Regards

Betty x
P.s sorry for any bad spelling and typing...

HI Betty,

Sorry I cannot help with the direct legal stuff. But if you do not understand the law it is your solicitors job to explain it to you! Keep asking, that's what I did, all of the legal jargon can drive you mad. Also if your new solicitor is un-sympathetic? Change them to another one, or tell them this is how you feel and what can be done?
Good luck x

I have no experience in such matters but I think it is time for you to get a second opinion solicitor advice. Look around for one who specialises in divorce/family law. Make sure you are happy with him/her before you take them on to represent you. He/she must be able to put everything you don't understand into words that everyday people like you and me can understand. If you don't understand then, you must keep asking until you do.
Your ex is playing with you. Unfortunately I dont' think he understands himself but however, he is upsetting your life and that of you children and new husband. You sound as though you are strong enough to move on from a bad situation, so get out there and fight for what you have.
They are your children. You are the prime carer, no matter what. Unless the child is at risk then there is no way that the children will be taken from you. As for the law and the residence order - yes, it does mean something. I had to get one because my x was taking my children abroad - to stay with his family. Had he not returned them on the date specified/promised by the court then the foreign authorities would be down on him like a tonne of bricks. The courts here promised me that my children would be returned to me. It was then their responsibility had they broken that promise.

At the end of the day, they are your children. He has done himself no favours by messing them about, and you, as well as the courts by not turning up. These meetings cost money and he is abusing the courts trust.

I am no legal beagle but sit calmly and think. If your solicitor is not doing what they should be, and that is protecting your rights, then find one who will and will go that extra mile for justice. You and your new DH have the children's welfare as a priority. I am certain that must count for something.

{{{{HUGS}}}}to you and your family. Keep us posted.. get another solicitor.. try some legal advice on the Net??
I wish I could help more...

BettyBimbo, how stressful for you all.

My advise would be the same as others. Make sure your soliciter has explained everything clearly and if you don't feel your solicitor is on your side get one that is.

I sympathise as my ex has had little involvement in my daughters life but would turn up and make demand every few years. Luckily my ex could never be bothered to take it to court and now my daughter is old enough to have an opinion of her own based on his actions (or lack of). However, in the meantime it is horrid, distressing and unsettling for you all.

best wishes Winniex

Good luck & best wishes.

Sadly, your case demonstrates how ridiculous the whole family law system is as often decisions are IMO made very subjectively by judges depending on their politics.

I agree Winnie. Sad world eh?

All is quiet on the ex front... Got new solicitor who advises me to wait and see if he contacts the school again.. as we do not have an address or contact info .. we can not serve him with an order to go to court...

The school has it but won't give it cause he has requested for it not to be given out..

Can you get around data protection?

Have you tried th electoral role-do you know the area?

DP is a touchy area, don't go there hun. Schools in particular will not put themselves in any vulnerable position with DP... sorry.

how about white pages on the net? you never know...???

Are there "friends" that may have heard where he is living?
{{{Hugs}}} don't give up... keep up the good work hun.

HAve just gone to court and got res order and perental respons for my hubby to have for my ds! Really easy to do and as your ex has already agreed to let you and your dh adopt it should be easy. We paid £30 and appeared in mag court for 20 mins and explained that my dh had been DADDY for 2 yrs and ex hadnt seen ds for 2 years! Just be storng and stick to your guns! Get the resident order and pr for your dh first then move on to adopt. Unless ex has the money to go through solicitors and fight the case it will be all sorted easy! We didnt need a solicitor cos my ex couldnt afford to fight it! Goodluck

by the way you dont have to have a contact address for the res order and pr as the court will find out where he lives and serve the order for you!

Hi
Can you really go for PR without agreement from the father?

Yes.. It's true.. but I have been told that if you have PR then the court would be less likely to grant an adoption order in the future.. does anyone have any experience?

I havent had experience but may do in the future!. Are you saying bettybimbo, that even tho the father has PR, a mother and dh (step parent) can still apply for adoption without the father's consent?

Hello There Happygolucky....

From my own experience and info from my solicitors...

Yes you can apply for PR for a step parent without the consent of the father if they have no contact with the child/children...

Regards to Adoption... again if no contact with the child you can apply to the social services/court without the knowledge of the other "Birth Parent" the court will hear the whole situation and then decide if the absent parent is needed...

But what I was saying in my last reply was my solicitor said that once we applied PR then the court wouldn't really see the need for Adoption..

In our own person situation my ex has agreed to adoption BUT there is a 3 year waiting list for a social worker.. we have gone through all the checks etc.. just await a social working so it can be moved to court to ok... BUT in the process of the time my ex is being difficult and nasty via our daughter's school which is a pain in the bottom!

Each situation is different... But as a rule there are ways to get over most difficult situation..

Also.. happygolucky....

You can go through the whole adoption process and only have to inform the absent "birth parent" at the end of process..so if they have had no contact it would look good on your side..etc,, which in my own experience would of saved alot of stress...

i looked into adoption for me and my dh for my ds. His bio hasnt seen him for nearly 2 1/2yrs but was told he would be consulted in event of adoption although it wouldnt really make many probs if he objected woiuld just mean longer process. That is why we went for pr and res order. Much easier and we also had my ds take on my dh and my married name via deedpole so now he is OUR son!

did you need your ex for permission for the deedpoll?

nope didnt need permission. BUt at the time i was the only parent with responsibility. Just had to wirte a letter stating i was the only one with pr. Did it over internet. It all legal and proper and my ds can never use his name on Birth cert. You can do it via CAB too

I changed my children's name via deedpoll at solicitors.... He wouldn't give permission .. but I did get it in the end... !!!!!

I feel I want full adoption now though and we are trying to hold out til then.. as we don't want to share pr with the idiot!

Do you know were you stand regards the law now your hubby has pr...?

My Hubby loves "OUR" kids!.... more than my ex wouldn ever of been able too.. the fact is.. he could only ever love himself!