CAN ANY ONE HELP ME PLEASE?

[BETTYBIMBO]

I DON'T KNOW WERE TO START REALLY BUT HERE GOES....

I HAVE TWO LITTLE GIRLS AGES 4 1/2 AND 2 1/2.

THERE BIO FATHER NEVER BOTHERED WITH EITHER AFTER WE SPLIT WHICH WAS WHEN MY 4 YEAR OLD WAS 18MONTHS OLD AND 2 YEAR OLD WAS JUST BORN.

THEN WHEN 4 YEAR OLD WAS 2 1/2 HE TOOK ME TO COURT AND WANTED CONTACT WHICH HE WANTED! IN A CONTACT CENTRE.

THE COURT AGREED BUT IT NEVER GOT OFF THE GROUND CAUSE IT CAUSED MY NOW 4 YEAR OLD TOO MUCH UPSET.. I PROMOTED CONTACT AS MUCH AS POSS BUT SHE WOULDN'T GO IN WITH HIM.

MY 2ND LOVLEY HUSBAND HAS BROUGHT MY CHIDLREN UP SINCE MY SPLIT WITH MY EX HUSBAND AND MY CHILDREN LOOK ON MY HUSBAND AS THERE DAD (THERE OUR CHILDREN IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN).

I NEVER STOPPED MY EX SEEING THE KIDS EVER. BUT HE STOPPED GOING TO THE CONTACT CENTRE WENT BACK TO COURT AND ASKED FOR A REPORT TO BE GONE ON MY 4 YEAR OLD (WAS 3 AT THE TIME) AS HE THOUGHT I WAS TURNING HER HEAD AGAINST HIM.

THE COURT AGREED - I HAD NO CHOICE... SO A MEETING WAS HELP FOR THEM TO LOOK AT MY DAUGHTER AND IT CAME BACK THAT SHE JUST DIDNT UNDERSTAND HIM AND WAS CHOISING TO REJECT HIM HELFSELF!! KEEP TRYING WITH MEETINGS AND MAY BE SHE WOULD BREAK..

ALL THIS WAS SO STRESSFUL FOR EVERYONE INCLUDING ME AND MY HUBBY.. WE HAD TO CUDDLE HER TO SLEEP MOST NIGHTS AFTER ONCE A TWO HOUR MONTH VISIT TO THIS CONTACT CENTRE.

THEN MY EX STOPPED COMING TO SEE HER.. AND APPLIED TO COURT FOR INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER...

AGAIN THE COURT AGREED HE COULD WRITE TO HER AND SEND PRESENTS AND CARDS ETC...

BUT GUESS WHAT - HE HASN'T BOTHERED!!! NEARLY 12 MONTHS LATER NOW...

THAT A BIT OF THE BACK GROUND ANY WAY...

I AM LOOKING FOR HELP TO GET US THROUGH WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW..

WE RECEIVED A LETTER TO CONFIRM THAT MY EX AGREES TO ME AND MY HUBBY ADOPTING BOTH GIRLS.

WE DROPPED IN TEARS WITH JOY...!!!!

BUT .. HE HAS FOUND OUT SHE AS JUST STARTED SCHOOL AND IS PHONING THE SCHOOL TO ARRANGE A VIEWING ETC...!!!!!

HE HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH EITHER CHILD FOR OVER 12 MONTHS.

I HAVE AN INDIRECT CONTACT ORDER IN PLACE WHICH STATES I HAVE TO SEND A COPY OF THE SCHOOL REPORT ETC... BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY ADDRESS OR CONTACT NUMBER ETC FOR HIM..

AND HE IS TELLING THE SCHOOL HE IS GOING TO THE EDUCATIONAL BOARD TO REPORT THEM IF THEY DON'T GIVE HIM WHAT HE WANTS!!!

I AM WORN OUT AND IN SUCH A STATE.. I WANT TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN BUT THE LAW SEEMS TO LET HIM IN AND OUT AS HE WANTS....

IF I WENT BACK TO COURT DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD REMOVE HIS PARENTAL RIGHTS?

PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO OUT MY MIND PLEASE..

In the eyes of the law my dh is now my sons legal parent. If anything happens to me then my ds will remain with my dh and their is nothing th sperm donor can do about it or his family. It also means that if anything happens and me and my dh split up then my dh is liable for maintenance and not sperm donor!!!!Thats how serious and important pr is! The main reason we went for pr is that adoption could take years and if my ds had any type of emergency and i wsnt around then my dh would not be allowed to sign any papers or protect my ds in any way! PR is a quicker route and means my son is now secure in our unit. We will probably still go for adoption but the courts like you to have been married for over a year (we just had our 1yr ann) so we gonna do it in a few years, no rush now we got the res order and pr that protects out ds

Hello Again,

We struggle to understand the law.. I do get my knickers in a twist with it!! :-)

Congrats for your anniversary....:-)

So did you do the PR & Res Order thing without your "Sperm donors" knowledge?!

we went to mag court and got form, paid £30 and filled out form which asked for donors address ( icouldnt remember it ) they traced him i think and sent him a letter which he had 7 days to reply to. He would have had to have had a VERY good reason to refuse it ie regualr contact and maintenance payments. As he had neither he couldnt dispute. We appeared infront of mag for 10 mins and they granted the orders. If he had denied it he would have had to appear ( he lives 180 miles away!) and he would never have paid for sol!

The main reason the res order and pr was granted was so that my dh could be legally responsible if anything happened to my ds. The court understands this is very important for the childs safety and security.

hope im helping and not confusing! id recommend going down to local mag court and chatting with secretary for family law court. she would be able to tell you all you need to know without the need for a solicitior! BTW we approached a solicitior and was told it would cost upto £200 to do! Cost us £30 so beware solicitors. Id say only get one if first application does not work.

We don't have an address for "sperm donor" would this be a problem do you think?

Also we do get CSA payments from "sperm donor" it all goes into an account for the children when they are 18 years old...

We only take it cause solicitor says that he would only use it to fight in court with it!.. what do you think?

is C.S.A and PR for step Parent two different issues?

I appreciate all your info...

ok. As far as i know it wont make any difference to the pr case. The court recognises the importance of pr for sp and as far as an address goes let the court find him!
if the donor wants to deny the pr he will have to fight his case and try and convince the court he is a good daddy!!! Im sure that that would be a funny thing to watch and he would make a fool of himslef. Be prepared, apply for the res order and pr and then go to court with all paperwork and explain that your dh is DADDY and needs to have the rights for the security and safety of the children. The fact that, like my ds donor, your donor lives so far away(hope he still does) is just another thing in your favour! Im positive their will be no problems! am going off now cos my charges have woken up but email me if you want any advice or can give you me phone number for a chat if you want.

Email is slittlejohns25athotmaildotcom

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP ...

Unfortunately my x has contact with my children... unfortunately he is the spermdonor too.

You are lucky you get CSA payments. My x was and as far as I am concerned still is, in a very well paid job. (£40+/hr) and my children have had zilch for nearly 2yrs. I had an assessment through the other week, made me laugh. £17.00 a week. I'm not even getting that!! I wish I had no contact bx him and my children. That would make my life much easier.

Thanks for the clarity tho - it is very useful to know for the future.

Happygolucky do you live in the uk?

Yes BB I do. Why?

under the children act the best interests of teh child is paramount - go for pr

HAPPY..the reason for my question was because you are not receiving the csa!.... I telephoned they direct and they put the screws on my ex to pay his amounts... Don't understand why you are not getting any.. sorry my knowledge is limited was just wondering how I get it and you don't!