Access Schedule for Shift Workers

[Sessy19]

Interested in others’ experience of this.

My DH is a police officer. He has a shift schedule, but it is regularly subject to change. He has the ability to call in favours etc to change his shifts to see his kids to some extent, but it’s not guaranteed.

He sees his children, 13 and 9, somewhat ad hoc. They moved 100mi away about 2yrs age and ExW won’t drive.

There is no court ordered access, so kids visit when they choose. Sometimes that is every weekend, but mostly it is EOWE or less now, because they plan to meet up with their friends in their home town.

DH has been to see them when they have met their friends (otherwise he would sometimes go weeks without seeing them), but he agreed with ExW to no schedule, or at least, no visits unless it’s what the children choose.

I know, mind my own business. But is there much precedent here for fixed schedules with shift workers?

Upon reading the OP again it seems the DC are actually visiting EOW. Sometimes less due to wanting to see their friends.

There is no court ordered access, so kids visit when they choose. Sometimes that is every weekend, but mostly it is EOWE or less now, because they plan to meet up with their friends in their home town.

What OP appeared to be asking is if a court would force DC to forego seeing their friends whenever their father is free to see them.

DC are 13 and 9. It’s pretty normal for 13 year olds to become busier with hobbies/social life etc. Honestly, a court will not insist a 13yo be available at short notice at the expense of their social life incase their dad is available to see them. Which may then change at then last minute. Yes it’s disappointing if he has a weekend off work and his DC have plans but that’s life with teens. He doesn’t own their weekends.

No no. Read the OP again. We aren’t going to apply for court ordered access. I just wondered what the set up was with other shift workers...

Oh yes I see you never mentioned Court, rather a “fixed schedule” which would really leave the DC in the same situation. Having to keep weekends free with no guarantee Dad will be free and even if it is planned that he will, that can change at short notice. I mean you could put it to the ex, personally I wouldn’t be agreeing to it but maybe she will. She doesn’t appear to be that way inclined though going by your posts?

Other shift workers rely on the other person bending over backwards to accommodate the randomness of it, being criticised if they do not work full time and god forbid they should ask for some flexibility - because they are being awkward.

Sorry OP - the mother has had her life turned upside down, is now training for a career - good on her but has brought up her DCS single handedly and had to accept cancellation of plans, disappointment for her DCS and all the shit that goes with it.

To give you an example - with 18 months notice, I asked my Ex to have the DCS ON for the weekend on 6 occasions over a 14 month period. this was so I could work on those weekends. On 4 of those he point blank refused to have the DCs on the Friday at 1700 - when he failed to pick them up - roster had changed and on the other 2 - I had to take to work with me on Saturday morning and he picked them up about 1300ish, then he dropped them back about 1200ish on the sunday!
I have 4 weeks of holiday activities booked- can guarantee at least 1.5 weeks will be wasted. At least a week of that he will promise on odd days to take them to said activity and then pull out as I am leaving for work / still at work and they need picking up.

Birthday parties - yes I will be there oh no my roster has changed on the day!!!

SEriously unless you are on the receiving end you have no idea how much it dictates your life and finances.