Am I being unreasonable?

[Majella20]

Morning everyone!

I am looking for some help and advice here.

I am pregnant with my first baby with my boyfriend who has a 5 year old daughter from a previous relationship. Cut a very long story short he has had problems with visitation and unfortunately the relationship he has with the mother of SD is not very good at all. Since we have been together he has had regular contact and everyone has stuck to the dates and times that have been agreed which is great as SD now knows when she will be seeing her Dad.

SD is a really lovely little girl however she doesn’t have any form of routine at home or with us – my partner suffers from Daddy guilt I think and just lets her do whatever she wants eg up at 11pmm_ at night all hyper active and jumping around because all she eats is ‘snacks’. I have brought up the topic of establishing a routine but as her mother I can enforce that if you know what I mean.

This morning my boyfriend and I were talking about what will happen when baby arrives and I asked if there was a possibility that when we had SD for the first time after the birth if she could not stay the night – so we still have her all through the day but at night time she sleeps at home. My reasoning behind it is that I am a first time mum I have so much to learn, I don’t know how I am going to feel and I just want to make sure I am doing the best for everyone involved and that I can rest at night – with her having no bed time I just don’t want her jumping around and disturbing me and baby when she should be asleep! He has not taking it well, he is ignoring me now and stormed out of the house. He saw it as me saying that she can’t come over at all and he can’t see her but that is not what I meant by that at all.

Any one else in a similar situation or have first hand experience they can share? Do you think I am being unreasonable? Will it be ok having the baby and SD there after the birth?

Thank you!

Ps I do know babies come whenever they want and she might no be with us when I give birth and it might not be our turn to have her but I just want to get these things planned out.

I don't know who in their right mind would suggest a sibling comes to the hospital when their mum/stepmum is in labour. What nonsense.

I would have a back up plan... like a friend/sister to take you to the hospital.

It was agreed that if my Dsis went into labour in the night, I would take her to hospital and her DH would stay with the other DC.

I'd make it very clear to him, that he needs a back up plan on where to take her if you go into labour while with you, otherwise I'd rather go to the hospital on my own. ..and if that happens the relationship would be over, as I'd be furious he was so dense not to sort it out.

Pick the best person for the job when you go into labour.

Your labour partner needs to be calm, do what they are told by the midwife and not make the time about them.

I picked my husband because he ticked those boxes

I have a cousin whose partner fainted at the first birth due to blood ... he didn’t get to attend the second.

If your partner can’t be those things then get someone else for the job or at least a back up plan encase child care is an issue.

I am glad he is starting to come around and see what you are saying.

It’s an emotional time, isn’t baby boy was a new born only 8 months ago and her lack of routine might be a bonus as newborns haven’t a clue what is day or night for the first few weeks anyhow x x

@Newmumma83 hey - that is such a good idea. I am lucky that I am really close to my parents and I am 100% going to ask my mum if she will be my birth partner just in case things go a miss you know - such a great idea.

I think we are working through it which is good so I am hoping it won't be a huge problem anymore.

I love your outlook about her lack of routine that's such a positive way to look at it and something I am going to try and embrace xxx