DSS's mum wants me not to support DSS.

[useronetwo]

DSS has sport at the weekend. Sometimes I watch, sometimes I don't generally DH takes him regardless if it's our access weekend or not. Went this weekend and as we were leaving DSS said thanks for coming one, I really appreciate it. Next day DH gets a barrage of abuse from DSS's mum that I was out of line disobeying her strict instructions, that sport is father son time and I'm not welcome. (Apparently she has requested previously that I don't attend, but DH didn't tell me as he was concerned it would upset me) DH's response was DSS likes it when one is there and that she needs to butt out.
So I'm confused, surely you'd want a step mum who played and active and interested role. Not one that wasn't interested or supportive to your child. She'll 'happily' accept gifts from me, but she'd clearly prefer me not to be involved. Not a new step mum btw, not that should make a difference. Is it just me or is this a little

I think I would stop going, it is very hard for 12 year old children to be entirely honest, as a PP said they might just be saying what they think you want them to hear. It’s tough to ask the boy, he is in a no-win situation, I think the DSS would probably like father-son time.

I am betting the boy isnt really that fussed either way.

But does feel he has to say what everyone wants to hear. Honestly, I just wouldn't go. Save putting DS in an awkward situation.

You need to start not giving more of your time and money than you're willing to lose. I have found out the hard way that the ex will never appreciate anything you do for your step child. Your step child will likely be telling both parents what they want to hear and probably just wants to play sport without worrying about the adults arguing. Step back a bit. I'm sure you have plenty of things going on in your life to not be giving the ex so much head space.

It's really hard as you can't reason with crazy. DH and DSS's mum both away this week with work and I'm expected to pick up the slack. Picking up taking DSS to school, which hugely affects my working day. It's DSS's mum access week not ours. But yet I'm not allowed to attend sport, when the irony is that I'm the fittest out of anyone so potentially could add value. I love DH, adore DSS but this treatment is a piss take

What would happen if you said no, she can't have it all ways

She cant expect you to pick up the slack for her when she feels like it then tell you what you can and cant do.
Shes taking the piss.
Do not let her treat you this way.
She cant dictate what you do during your dhs access time.

As it's her week what are you charging her for the childcare you're providing for her?

I'm completely broken. Been a step mum for 10+ years and the same old shit.

Why are you picking up slack on her time?

I’d say no, I’ve got work.

I'm not unsympathetic OP, but why are you acting like a martyr? If it's her week, then tell her to sort it herself and tell her why: that she doesn't call the shots for you and can't have it all her own way.

That part of things doesn't really get much simpler

Learn to say no to her. It will be easier each time.