Really peed off

[Isolatedsm]

Havent had my partners son over to stay for a while as hes been off the rails on drugs not going to school etc. Since the age of 13 / 14. Hes now 16. A bit better and partner asked if he could stay tomorrow night as his mum is going away. Normally my partner would go and stay with son at his parents but as they are not very well understandably they cant help this time. I've reluctantly agreed but partner keeps saying his son doesnt want to stay. I think it's tough really and son is a child so should do as hes told. I dont want him here either as hes not respectful. Partner said other option is for him to stay at ex wife's with son. At first I thought this could be an option but really I think it would make me feel a bit odd so I said his son is welcome to stay here but needs to do as hes told. Now my partner has just said his son doesnt want to stay and also his ex wife daughter with another bloke was staying with a friend but the friend let her down so his ex wife asked if he could look after her too. I just thinks that's called giving an inch and taking a mile. It's hard enough for me to see my partner with his kids when I dont have and would like children. Not only that, yesterday I saw him with a work colleague who had brought her baby with her to a team meeting and they were walking side by side with her pushing thr baby in a buggy. Now he wants not only his children to stay but thinks its ok to ask about his ex partners kids as well. I just feel upset that he even thinks it's ok to ask considering I would like my own family and we have previously lost a baby.

How many kids does he have?

I've reluctantly agreed but partner keeps saying his son doesnt want to stay. I think it's tough really and son is a child so should do as hes told. I dont want him here either as hes not respectful.

You think anyone should be forced to stay where they are clearly strongly disliked?

Your a very toxic person. You are detrimental to your partners relationship to his children. Hopefully he will wake up soon and get rid of you. Your jealousy that he had kids before you came on the scene is palpable. You should never have got involved with a man who is a father. You will drive your partner away with your jealousy and nastiness towards his son.

Not only that, yesterday I saw him with a work colleague who had brought her baby with her to a team meeting and they were walking side by side with her pushing thr baby in a buggy.

What is the problem here?

You don't just put up with them, they should be his everything and yes he should be visiting his son in his own. Can you not see a link between his dads partner rejecting him and his attention seeking behaviour?

I really don't think you are in a place to have a baby with this man if you won't allow him to parent the child he already has.

Billy - thank you. I agree with everything you've said. Parental love of course is unconditional. All I'm asking is for respect and manners. His daughter stays as she is capable of meeting these basic standards. I really think the internet and the world is quite cold and callous. Look ag all the sheep on here, wolves as you say circling. It's a reflection on them that they cant find compassion. And to the person who just put s 😮 face. Grow up. It's not that shocking that step parents find it difficult and yes they do 'put up with' step kids. It's a turn of phrase. Doesnt mean i think they dont have good qualities as well. I'm a firm believer in the world coming together and us treating everyone as our own family and with kindness but it's not to say it's easy and sometimes we want to come to a place for support. Believe it or not not everyone wants to see your 'little angels' wrongun.

Jesus wept. You need therapy. You contradict yourself again and again.

Be very careful: you are putting your partner in an impossible situation. You want him to choose you. He might, he might not. But either way you lose because who would want to be with a man who refuses to walk by your side when you’re pushing the buggy of your child because it might offend his wife? To forgetting, who would want to be with a man who abandons his children.

Get some help. I am sorry having children has ‘t Worked for you and can u desert and how painful that must be. But existing children - your partner’s or anyone else’s - aren’t going to disappear. I just lost my mum, by your reckoning, so should everyone else!

I've been a step-child. You are doing a huge amount of damage to this child.

Just how are you treating your stepson as family and with kindness?

OP your post is a great example of making something that is nothing to do with you all about you.

I feel so sorry for the child in this situation. Your DP must be an absolute muppet to allow you to prevent him having his own child to stay m, especially when he is clearly troubled.

Stop. Think. What is best for the child - not you.

It's very sad to see that on a lovely day like this you are gathering to post unhelpful comments and to be sheep and bully someone. Why aren't you spending time with your families. I'm here for support and you're here for a witch hunt or some sad form of entertainment in your sad little lives. I it because you dont have kids? Does your partner not support you? Are you lonely? Maybe if you asked for support you would come across some kinder more understanding people. It never amazes me the amount of people that ant think for themselves or look at a situation subjectively. 'm off to spend the day in the sunshine

Why can't you put yourself in the position of how you would feel if this was your child, not your step child?

It's all well and good saying "children should be respectful and abide by rules" but in reality, sometimes it just doesn't happen. Does that mean parents and families should give up on those children and just focus on the well behaved ones?

If I was in your position I would encourage my DP to stay at his ex wife's home while she is away and allow him to spend time with his children there. I would actively encourage it. He is their parent before he is a partner to you, and you need to respect that. You knew he had children before you moved in together - why move in together if you can't accept everything that comes with that?

And, before you ask, no, I'm not a step parent, but I was that step child who went off the rails!

Vultures look at you all

You aren't answering anyone's questions on the situation and are clearly just in a huff because no one is just nodding along to your post.

Why post for advice if you can only accept people who agree with you?

I've also been a step child. I can totally understand why he wouldn't want to stay where he is clearly not wanted. He has some issues .. I wonder why?!
My step mum loves us so much and has worked hard to make us as welcome as possible. My step dad and mum couldn't have children together, but he has said he's so lucky as he has me for his daughter. So much love there too.
Start again with the son, try to get a better relationship that's your job as the adult in this instance.
I do also think it might be a good idea to go and talk to someone about not liking your DP to even be near a buggy, as that does sound extreme.

😂😂😂

^also known as a flounce because answers didn’t revolve around placating her as she is accustomed to.

Op you clearly came here for advice and now you've got it. Did you really expect everyone to agree with you?

I'm so so glad that my step mother wasn't as vitriolic and spiteful as you OP. I'm so glad she thought of me and treated me as her own daughter and has shown me unconditional love and care. I wasn't a perfect teenager (like your SS, like most teenagers) but I had love and family surrounding me whatever happened.
Respect isn't handed on a plate. It's earned. By both parties. You need to earn that too. Your dislike of your SS is very evident and he knows this too.
Your comments about your partner with other children are absolutely ridiculous. You need to seek help for your malicious and vindictive thoughts. It's not fair to begrudge others of children/family/love just because it's something you don't have yet.

You need to get a grip maxibondi

Honestly it's you that needs to get a grip OP. You sound rigid and obstructive. This is his son and teenagers often do go off the rails and we don't just abandon them to their fate. What's wrong with you that you expect this?

It's very sad to see that on a lovely day like this you are gathering to post unhelpful comments and to be sheep and bully someone

It’s poring down here. I have written what I personally think. Bullying is about deliberately trying to hurt someone. What you fail to see is so ma y people are trying to help.

Why aren't you spending time with your families. My children are with their dad. My boyfriend is spending time with his children. We are going to the theatre later. I would love to spend time with the rest of my family but I am an only child and my mum died a few weeks ago.

I'm here for support and you're here for a witch hunt or some sad form of entertainment in your sad little lives

I am also here for support and to support. I do ‘t agree with you and I am allowed to post that.

I it because you dont have kids? Does your partner not support you? Are you lonely?

I have 3 kids. I don’t have a partner but do have a boyfriend. Not lonely, but am suffering with the recent loss of my mother.

It never amazes me the amount of people that ant think for themselves or look at a situation subjectively

Not agreeing with you isn’t the same as not thinking for yourself or being able to look at a situation subjectively.

Troll? Or just unhinged and vile? This can't be a serious post.

These attacks you're making show the kind of person you really are and how you think. I truly feel sorry for any children you have any contact with or authority over.

Op people are trying to help but it seems like you don't want to hear any opinions that aren't agreeing with you people can't support you if they don't agree with what you are doing it is more helpful to tell you how they feel you are looking at it and handling it wrong rather than Lying and agreeing with you when to be perfectly honest it looks as if your jealousy about not having children with your partner is causing you to take it out on his children by not supporting his children when they need it the most! Being a parent or having a partner with children means that you have to deal with the hard times not ban the child when he is clearly going through problems and now this will make him feel rejected and act worse! As I said i live with my partner who has a daughter this is as much her home as it is mine and I would love children with my partner but I chose to be with him knowing he had a child that is not the childs fault any feelings I have about having or not having children with my partner are totally separate to his daughter and no feelings I have either way will ever be brought up in resentment towards his daughter as she was here first

how can you possibly believe that you are in the right here ? and calling everyone bullies and vultures? seriously have you read your comments ? and insults you've thrown at people , maybe you shouldn't have posted here I agree with the majority you are a toxic person and I feel so sorry for your dp and his son. you should have been more accepting and supportive from the start !

It's a nice gesture for him to look after his ex wife child but it's not really fair to ask or to put me in that situation
This is your partner’s son too, yes? You think it is a nice gesture for him to offer to look after his son?

I've put up with his kids at my partners house
You sound lovely. You got together with a man who had children. If you were hoping you wouldn’t have to every see them, the mistake is yours. Let him be a father, his kids deserve it. If you don’t want to, do the right thing and walk away.

I am spending the day in the garden in the sunshine, planting out my patio pots. I have a dh who is making lunch, and two dcs, one of whom is working at the local pub (weekend job) and the other has earned her own money to pay for the week in Greece she's currently enjoying. Both kids are well-rounded high achievers. So no, not lonely or bitter or sad. But I did take time out from my cold drink break under a parasol to advise you when you asked for opinions.
Sorry you don't like what the majority of people are mirroring back to you. You would do well to think hard about what we are saying, whilst you flounce off to find others who agree with your harsh and unpleasant stance towards your partner and his children.