Step parent too harse??

[Yummymummy0076]

Hi
Just wondering what people think?? My 19 yr old boy and husband have never really got on as he’s always under the the impression I treat him better than him or other siblings (his children) I don’t think he’s a bad lad....he left school and did 2 years at college no problems whilst then he did jobs around house and washed up every night for pocket money...internet wasn’t allowed during weekends only from 7pm every day. He then went on to get very good grades and a higher apprenticeship in engineering going to uni at night school Tuesday and Thursdays...all in all he goes out house 7am till 5.30 every day expect Friday finished at 12pm and tues/thurs at uni home at 10.30pm and my husband, his stepdad thinks it’s acceptable for him to spend his Sunday’s doing jobs as gardening and then having to eat lunch in with us otherwise no lunch then wash up dinner things before going out....I think too harsh as most kids his age wouldn’t do this as well as still wash up every night he’s home and take out bins when back at 10.30 ( even though we have been in all night) we have had numerous arguments even considering divorce as I feel he’s too strict!!! I’ll admit my son can be lazy but as most kids his age, he at least does work hard all week so I think he should have some time at weekends at least whilst he has no real responsibilities?? Thoughts please, am I too soft as my husband says? Thank you.

I am equally disgusted and horrified by reading your post op.
I agree with others that your son sounds wonderful inspite of what sounds like you as well as your husband. This is unbelievable treatment of a young adult, I hope he leaves your home soon and ceases all contact with both of you. You reap what you sow.

😊

@Yummymummy0076 do you not worry that your son may turn on you through you letting your partner treat him badly?

That's what I was thinking pinkcrayon. This man could of done more damage to this young man then the OP realises.

My ex had a step dad like this was a pure arsehole couldn't do right for wrong couldn't have a bath or make a sandwich after a certain time, he had the box room despite being the only child in the house, took him to get cancer before he got the biggest room and was treated with a little bit more respect, his mother ended up hating her husband for the treatment her son received. Ltb

Your DH needs to stfu and mind his own business. Your DS is 19, I think after working hard all week and studying, he should be free to do as he choses on his day off. Sounds like your DH is trying to assert his power and control over you all.

It's not unreasonable for your DS to clear away and wash his own pots up after eating, but the rest is just not on. Your DS is old enough to tell your Hubble to jog on.

This is astonishing. This isn't "making a man of him" - this is being controlling. Your son is an adult. He is living in a toxic environment, with a step dad who refuses to respect his autonomy as a human being, and a mother who refuses to protect her son from the man she has brought into his life.

I suspect you won't change things - just another parent who puts their partner before their kids. The best advice I could give would be to your son, and that is to get out from under your roof as quickly as possible. Is his Dad on the scene? If he can't yet afford to live independently, he should definitely look at moving in with his Dad to escape you two.

Why did you marry someone who didn't get on with your son?
It's like Cinderella and the Wicked Stepfather!
Does your dh do any chores or just make your son do them?

I don't think your DH should have that level of control on a 19yo. He's an adult. So give him adult expectations and then leave him to get on with it. I.e. he pays rent contribution and that he keeps the communal spaces tidy when he uses them. Jesus. Let the poor boy breathe.

You really are not being a good advocate for your son here, or a very protective parent to him. Stop letting your husband fucking bully him!

Your DH doesn't sound nice at all. Internet from 7pm only FFS. Your DS should get a package with unlimited data.

Do you have kids with him? If not I'd definitely leave him.

Your DS sounds like a good young man.

Please sort this out as soon as possible before your son resents you! You are his mother and protector and no man be his father or stepfather should ever treat him the way he’s being treated.

He should be able to have a life. Yes he can learn to be a man and do things around the house but come on it’s not a concentration camp.

I feel as if your husband doesn’t treat him as part of your family and more like a housekeeper or a burden.

Please please please sort this because your son won’t resent the husband it will be you and you should’ve been there to put your foot down