Baby due in hols - what to do with SD!

[HavYouGotEnufJuice]

NC for this

My baby is due at the beginning of the summer holidays. DP has 50:50 time with DSD (5) but we usually have DSD for the majority of the school holidays as it works best for everyone.

This is my first pregnancy. From what I've heard, people are really wiped out after childbirth, and all the advice I've read recommends rest, 4th trimester, babymoon, quiet time with baby in bed for bonding etc.

But that advice is surely not at all compatible with having a 5 year old!!

So far dsd is really happy and excited to meet her new sister, but privately I know that while she will surely love the little baby, baby will be pretty boring!

Basically I don't want to ruin the bond between DSD and baby DD by being so feeble that we don't do anything fun in DSD's summer holidays. Surely she would then come to resent me and the baby! And rightly so!

I wanted to ask - how did you feel after childbirth? How long before you were able to be active again? How did you recover?

And - any tips for entertaining a 5 year old when you have recently given birth and have a newborn? Best idea so far is us all going into the garden to play, but surely I won't be able to actively play for a while? (Usually we are very much sitting on the floor/playing all day with 5 year old in the holidays) how do we handle this without making dad miserable and ruining her summer???!

Unicorn clearly hasn't had a c section because I can assure you that after major abdominal surgery I most definitely needed recovery time. I was up and about that evening, more normal by day 5, pottering down the road by week 2 and pretty much normal by week 4. Plan for both options as half of my nct group had a c section. Friends with an older child have asked for their help (really bigging up what a big girl and special helper they are) so passing nappies or toiletries to you, they've also bought a present from the baby which has helped to.

For those asking, yes the dad will be taking a lot of time off as he usually does in dsd holidays.

My dd1 was 4 when dd2 came along and her nursery closed for the summer holidays shortly afterwards so I was in a similar boat. Lots of time with baby in a sling is nice, all babies really need is cuddles. Lots of being audiences for circuses, fashion shows, puppet shows and so on. Kiddie cinema worked well, and paddling pool, inviting people over for dd-1 to play with it. None of it will be perfect, none of it will be terrible, you will find a way through. I agree packing dsd off is not the way forward, though she might enjoy the odd activity with friends-dd went to drama camp and really enjoyed it.

It depends on your birth.
I had3 dsc the day I came home from. Hospital and the whole week after. Honestly I wished they hadn't been there, not because there horrible. But if they had met their sibling and gone or come for a few hours each day it would have been easier. But I had a horrible birth, long surgery after and lost a lot of blood. I was in shock and in pain when I came home, I could barely sit n feed my child or go to the bathroom.
I don't wnat to put you off but seriously if I was your dp I'd be planning lots of days out with dsc to give you room. You don't know how you'll cope or if bbay will be good or hard or anything.

I have no advice to give as i havent been in your situation. I just wanted to say your SD is a lucky little girl. You sound lovely

You can not predict how you will feel after birth, but even if you are like me, who felt fine after birth, it is still advised to take a rest for at least a couple of weeks, not go up and down the stairs, etc. because the tiredness will catch up. I didn't listen and it sure did.
I would suggest not to put too much pressure on yourself about not disturbing your SD's routine, it's very lovely, but it is time when you need to concentrate on yourself and on your baby more. If the baby doesn't sleep well, you will be tired if you don't sleep with the baby during the day.
Your husband should be the one entertaining her most of the time, but little conversations or helping you with the baby is also bonding time that you can have with her.

And I wanted to add that not all children find babies boring. Some children adore babies. My SD (11 at the time) and SS (15 at the time) were competing for who's going to hold the baby and SD even got overinvolved.

Are you quite old OP? I don’t think people in their 20s/30s are generally wiped out by childbirth. But if you are older it may be a different story

I think you will be tired from being up all night and may want to laze about in the day- I always do.
You don’t know how the birth will end up going eg second degree tears, c sec, retained placenta... I personally think it was so much harder when I had dc 1 for dc2s newborn stage compared to dc1 being born. I think your step child’s mom or other family should step in to help looking after her so you can rest, heal and bond with your baby. Remember you will be feeding baby every two hours through the night.

You'll be wiped out for at least the next 2 years!

You'll be wiped out for at least the next 2 years!

You'll be wiped out for at least the next 2 years!

You'll be wiped out for at least the next 2 years!

You'll be wiped out for at least the next 2 years!

You'll be wiped out for at least the next 2 years!

And keep falling asleep with your finger on the “post” button!

Summer camp. The dc will have time to let off steam and make new friends. You don't have to book them in all day, half a day will help. Being prepared is key.

Such a refreshing change from the usual "need to ship my sc off as im having a baby" issues. With your dsd clearly at the forefront of your mind I have no doubt you're gonna do fine!

Clearly most of the posters here are not step mothers and don't know what it means.
They are forgetting that the SM doesn't have the same responsibility towards a child (and they are often reminded of that on this board).

I had a preteen and a teen step children fighting about who's going to hold the baby, constantly giving me advice on what to do with him, SS was calling him "my son", SD was telling me that it was "hers, not mine", their mothers were taking pictures with him and SS.... It was so extremely annoying and mothers doesn't go through this with her own kids.

And yes, like the other poster said, sometimes you feel that you love your step child, but then once you have your own feelings change, especially if the father doesn't help much or takes you for granted. And this is something, someone who's not a SM can not understand.

I was shopping within 24 hours of giving birth, ok maybe I'm odd but a 5 year old will be fine, they can even help. I had an autistic 2 year old when dd2 was born and zero help, seriously this 4th trimester stuff is out of proportion

... Obviously if it's a difficult birth orc-section things are different.

I was up and about pretty quick with mine hopefully you are too about 2 weeks until I was sat on the floor playing dolls with DD. You could play games while sat comfy on sofa tea party ect with real food. Hope all goes well

Hi op, I would have arrangements done so your do goes with you to hospital and you guys can enjoy the experience and at least have one week after birth with no dsd

@Pinkybutterfly no decent father and step mum would ship a little girl away for a week when a new baby arrives. Nothing like making her feel pushed out and that she's dropped down the priorities list!
Don't be so ridiculous.

ineedanewjobplease you obviously know everything of course. My son was with my mum for a week after delivery because of an infected c section. You can't do nothing. Plus lots of sets of antibiotics etc. You want to walk naked cuz the scar is so painful so even the thinnest dress makes you scream. Not everyone is the same darling. So after having a child any good parent will get as much help as needed with any of the other children. Don't know why people are so short minded here.

Every birth is unique; you can PLAN to have the most relaxing birth ever and be back on your feet the next day, but you can’t guarantee what your labour will be like. It may last longer, you may need epidural or a section, all these things you won’t know until it happens.

Dd1, she was born in a local hospital within 4 hours of going into labour. There was shed loads of people in and out and she had a monitor on her head as soon as they were able to put one on. Unfortunately due to the pain relief I had I was kept in for a couple of days. I was on a ward with 9 other mums and babies, OH was only allowed in for short periods of time, and I struggled. The nurses were very stretched and I remember just being asleep for 12 hours sleeping off the meds being woken up saying dd1 was still asleep I had to wake her. They didn’t help with breast feeding, I had Bounty people every 4 hours selling me their crap and I just wanted to go home.
When I got home I was out of action for about a week recovering from stitches and the pain medication they gave me, and adjusting to life with a newborn!

The birth experience with dd2 was totally totally different. In a hospital much further away from home, had a water birth with only gas & air. She was born at 6am after getting there at midnight. I was home by 4pm, and I was out doing the school run and shopping the following day as normal.

OHs son was 4 when dd1 was born, and he was involved as he felt appropriate from the second we told him he was going to be a big brother. When she used to kick, I said ‘oh your sister is kicking me lots’ and he would say ‘silly sister’. He held her before my mum and OHs mum, and he was eager to help with nappy changes and bottle feeds (something that now he’s 11 he says is disgusting haha), but it wasn’t forced, we just allowed him to be as involved as he felt he wanted to be with such a little human.
That all being said, OH still did loads of stuff with him without me and dd1 being about.

Him and dd1 are now typical siblings. They have each other’s backs, but they both say that they ‘smell’ lol. They call each other brother and sister even though they’re half brother and sister. They know how it is having different mums.

Dd2 seems to like OHs son more than dd1 at the moment as they don’t see each other every day. He did the same thing, held her, fed her, changed her etc but we didn’t force any element of that. He actively sought out the opportunities.

Let her talk to your bump if she wants to! I wouldn’t force the idea of being involved, but maybe just say ‘whenever you want to, you can hold her, feed her (if bottle fed ofc).’ It may take a few days after the birth. Dd1 didn’t hold dd2 until a week after she was born because she was scared to!