Baby due in hols - what to do with SD!

[HavYouGotEnufJuice]

NC for this

My baby is due at the beginning of the summer holidays. DP has 50:50 time with DSD (5) but we usually have DSD for the majority of the school holidays as it works best for everyone.

This is my first pregnancy. From what I've heard, people are really wiped out after childbirth, and all the advice I've read recommends rest, 4th trimester, babymoon, quiet time with baby in bed for bonding etc.

But that advice is surely not at all compatible with having a 5 year old!!

So far dsd is really happy and excited to meet her new sister, but privately I know that while she will surely love the little baby, baby will be pretty boring!

Basically I don't want to ruin the bond between DSD and baby DD by being so feeble that we don't do anything fun in DSD's summer holidays. Surely she would then come to resent me and the baby! And rightly so!

I wanted to ask - how did you feel after childbirth? How long before you were able to be active again? How did you recover?

And - any tips for entertaining a 5 year old when you have recently given birth and have a newborn? Best idea so far is us all going into the garden to play, but surely I won't be able to actively play for a while? (Usually we are very much sitting on the floor/playing all day with 5 year old in the holidays) how do we handle this without making dad miserable and ruining her summer???!

I have DSC and now a DD. be prepared for your relationship to change with DSC. I shocked me and took me a while to get use to the difference having your own DC made this had more of an impact on me than the after affects of the birth (which wasn't as straight forward as palnned)

You don't need to 'recover ' having a baby is not a disabling illness , you me be more then capable of out the baby in a pram and walking to a park

Bingo!

I just KNEW as soon as I clicked on this thread that some bellend would be along with a delightful comment like that.

My SD was 4.5 when my first was born. I went to her parents Eve the day I got out of hospital. My baby was a day old and I was sore but fine and it was important to SD that we attended her first ever parents eve. I won’t lie though it was bloody difficult sitting on the little plastic chair chatting to her teacher after the stitches. Ouch!

My 1st DD was 5 when my 2nd was born. Went into labour in the early hours baby born at 6:30am and I was home that afternoon, I was very lucky that I had a straight forward birth. I was tired and very sore but ok.

As for activities so that the older ones didn’t get bored both SD and DD really enjoyed getting involved with the baby stuff. I gave them jobs to do so they could help out, fetch wipes, pass muslin, help me with rubbing/patting the baby gently on the back etc. We also did things in the house that could be easily done while baby napped so things like baking or board games. We also read lots of stories to the baby, but I read their books so they could enjoy the story.

Hope that helps. Good luck with the birth xx

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say what a lovely post. Such a refreshing change from the usual "need to ship my sc off as im having a baby" issues. With your dsd clearly at the forefront of your mind I have no doubt you're gonna do fine!

I'm due our third in July and also have a 5 year old.

The reality is that for some parts they will have to entertain themselves. He will be expected to play in his room with his many toys, he will be expected to go and play football outside and he will be expected to understand that I will get him XYZ but he may need to wait a bit because I just have to finish up with the baby.

Overall he already does much of the above so it's not going to be a shock to him but I wouldn't panic over ensuring nothing changes for her.
Mod course her whole life is about to change and that's not just going to be over the holidays.

FindYourCentre

Thank you! :)

Thanks everyone for loads of great advice!

It depends what play involves. If you mean wrestling, piggybacks and chasing then you won't be in the mood for that but if she'll play on park equipment while you sit and watch or she's happy to jump on the trampoline while you sit in a garden lounger and watch then you're fine. My dd was craft crazy at that age and would have enjoyed being trusted to make her own sandwiches for lunch etc

I can recommend getting a sling (I had a stretchy one) so your hands are free to hold her hand, do Lego while baby sleeps in the sling etc

My oldest was 5 when my youngest was born. He happily fetched me buckets of water to dip my feet in so that I was cool in the garden. (There was a heatwave) Do you have basic garden toys like a garden hose with sprinkler attachment? My kids still love playing with water in the garden when it's hot. Watering plants was lots of fun for them and we successfully grew lots of veggies like cucumbers.

I just wanted to saythat I think it's wonderful how much you are considering her and her feelings. I've read quite a few threads on her about step parents wanting time on their own without the step children so your post was really refreshing.
All I can say is go with the flow - cause it really does depend on how the birth goes. Dad will be around for the first couple of weeks, and I found these the hardest and then after that you can see how you feel. Perhaps get some new craft bits and bobs that she can do independently with you looking on if you need to feed etc. Don't be afraid to watch TV or get some new films in!
She may be unsettled for a few weeks because of the new dynamic, but keep loving her the way it sounds you do and I'm sure you'll all get through this together.
I have a half brother and sister, but my stepmum and dad never referred to them in this way - they're just my brother and sister, and I am their sister - for me this was important otherwise it highlights a difference.

Soft plays while you chill with the baby and a hot drink might be a good idea.

When I had my second the MW recommended I walk to reduce blood blots. Very short walks with baby in pram for half hour is great. Maybe take DSD out with a scooter/bike?

Listen to your body, I was a little shakey after first and didn't feel right, so those days you will need to read books/movies/chill.

"Floor" games (lego, board games etc) might be more comfortable for you lifted up on to a table - one of DSDs jobs could be bringing xyz to you to play with. If you have a carrycot or moses basket, find a couple of good spots in house where you can put baby down close on one side while you play with her. (Sling would also work for that, but I found them quite uncomfortable on my sore muscles post-natally)

I had dd2 at the start of the summer hols with a nearly 5 year old. It just requires a bit of planning, and few lists and support from your DH to make it easier. He'll have some pat leave - can he take longer, or perhaps a day a week of holiday to ease your summer? The other option is to book a day or half day a week of holiday club. If you are able it would be good to break up whole weeks with some respite. It can be hard going especially if you have a newborn with day and night confusion.

I would suggest having a paddling pool for hot days and a freezer stocked full of lollies - along with some shade in the garden for baby. Great for 5yo and also for you. Can you tell I had my baby in a heatwave?! She will look back and remember it as the best summer. I agree with getting a sling as you'll be able to do so much at the same time.

I used to get out puzzles and set up activities the night before so she could help herself to things if needed. I also used to get out a drinks bottle and fill it with water. DH made lunches the night before so we could all eat if it got chaotic. I'd suggest stocking the house with easy grabable foods and having picnics - indoor on good days and outdoor in the garden on sunny days. Make sure you have plenty of garden toys (marketplace is your friend here). Occasionally and often around nap time I'd set up an indoor cinema for her - close curtains, sofa cushions on floor, homemade tickets, popcorn and TV with film on. This is still a hit nearly 3 years on!

Make a list of everything - a list of food - and do a load of batch cooking. Before you know it summer will be over and you'll be able to settle into a whole new dynamic. It will also seem much easier by comparison.

I’m in the exact same position OP, DSD7 and my first baby due during summer holidays. I’ve been keeping an eye out for deals on large garden games (connect four, bowling etc) for DSD, as we are moving house and will have a better garden for playing in, and baby can chill out on the patio. There will be less of the big days out than in previous summers (money and logistics issues) so DSD will be thrilled to have so much space to play in now. Plus dates with friends kids, BBQs and general low key fun. Hopefully we will be able to keep her ticking over that way while her baby sister is at the less than interesting newborn stage and I’m not as able to run about after her playing!

Ah OP I don't have kids (nor any relevant experience!) but I wanted to say how lovely you sound and how you will no doubt do brilliantly.

I managed a new born and a six year old in the school holidays. This is what iPads were made for. We whittled away hours with baby asleep in the crib, me snoozing on the sofa and son cuddled with me watching TV.

Also, she'll be a great help to you, at five she's more than capable of grabbing nappies, wipes, a clean vest.

Did I just read that you 'don't need to recover after having a baby'!!

I absolutely needed to recover after having my first! 39 hours of labour & stitches meant damn right I needed rest! Not to mention PGP from 20 weeks!

OP - Hopefully your DH will be on paternity leave for some of the time?

I'd suggest any days where you're on your own with DSD & your baby have some easy craft sets that she can complete on her own - in the same room as you obviously - like decorating a mask, making a nameplate for her bedroom door, sticker books, dot-to-dots etc.

Look at places you could take her like soft play/trampoline park where you can sit with your baby & have a coffee.

Movie days with snacks & blankets.

Fill your freezer & cupboards with decent easy to prepare foods for you all.

Good luck

I also wanted to say you sound absolutely lovely.

Ds1 was just 3 when Ds2 was born. I think at 5 they are older and consider other people just like they do at school. They know that they have to share and wait their turn. I remember doing something with Ds1 and Ds2 started crying, I deliberately turned to Ds2 and told he had to wait a minute as I was just doing this with Ds1. That was so Ds1 could see it worked both ways, he had to wait for stuff but his brother did too.

Lots of new games, garden toys etc are a great idea, but don't forget the absolute joy of snuggling up all together on the sofa to watch a movie or tv. Not everything has to be educational.

I had 2 C sections, so yes, I did need to recover from that. Just take it easy, listen to your body and include your DSD with getting things for the baby etc. Good luck.

My eldest was 4 and a half when her sister was born and her dad was away abroad for most of the time. I taught her to play card games when the baby was sleeping or feeding - by 5 she could thrash adults at Rummy and knockout whist. Also, at that age they can be helpful fetching nappies etc.

What a lovely mum you are! Great advice here. I was just going to say that at her age she will LOVE helping with baby so much. So she can fetch you wipes/cotton wool, choose the next baby gro to put on etc.

Of course you don't need to 'recover.' Just pop into the hospital, cough and the baby comes out, and then you head off home. Pity the London marathon is over, you could have run that on the way back.
Or you could be feeble like me and have stitches that don't allow you to move for two weeks without significant pain.

PazRaz10

Yes we told her the new baby will be her sister and she seems happy with that. I think she thinks it will be a mini me of her :D

Teddybear45

Very good idea, soft play is one activity she will happily do by herself

Jackiebrambles she already went through the baby clothes and chose what she wants her to wear on the day she's born

She might actually be more excited than me