Telling other children I’m pregnant

[Sessy19]

Hello peeps. Not sure if I am posting in the right section, but just after some advice if anyone has experience.

I am pregnant with my first baby with OH. We are only 9wks, but want to start preparing ourselves for telling OH’s other children. They only visit once a fortnight now (they’re 13 and 9 and have their own lives!) so we don’t see them often, but we don’t want to conceal this happy news from them especially as its slowly becoming a big part of our lives already!

The children and I have quite an up and down relationship. I’ve been with OH for 5yrs, we met 2yrs after his divorce, but their DM has taken a long time to adjust to me being active in OH life I think and they understandably feel very loyal to her. I’m worried that the children (and their DM) hold on to a fantasy that OH will go back to the family eventually.

The children are very clingy to their dad and can be a bit hostile to me. It has certainly been much better since DSS started secondary school and seems to have developed his own opinion of me recently (we have lots more chats about my work and his hobbies) that is separate to his mother’s opinions.

I just want to raise this baby in a calm and inclusive and loving home. I want to work towards the children accepting us all as another side of their family. Maybe it’ll happen organically (I hope), but maybe I need to put some things in place first...?! Any help, ideas?

Please PLEASE don’t let’s go down the mumsnet rabbit hole of bashing one another for life choices...I realise this is a really sensitive subject and I just want some guidance 😊

And just in case it’s not clear, I am literally laughing my ass off at your pseudo-helpful suggestions, because I think they’re ridiculous. So I just wouldn’t bother continuing. I have heard about strange people like you, who hunt forums like this to shit on people and I actually feel sorry for you. Go watch a film or start a rally, I’m not interested in your baiting.

Firstly huge congratulations Sessy19.

I've read with such interest this thread as myself and DP would live to have a baby together by DP has three wonderful children (Boy aged 12, girl aged 9 and girl aged 5).

I've been in their life's for just over a year now and whilst we have a fairly balanced relationship, it does worry me how the kiddies will be affected if/when we say we're having a baby.

My DP is an incredibly father and provides everything he can for them but the relationship with his ex isn't always the easiest.

It's been good hearing some of the best ways to allow them to adapt to life with a new sibling. I always hated the idea of them referring to a new baby as a half sibling but I guess that is an accurate description.

My DP ex has a partner and he has children who the kids refer to as their step sisters and we don't bat an eyelid at this as it makes them happy.

Sessy19 you are a wicked wicked step mother for your refusal to countenance doxxed suggestion that you give up your bedroom to move into the dining room - for children that visit 48hrs a fortnight. How unreasonable ! Do you not realise how psychologically disturbed they will all be ?? You don't need a bedroom, your relationship with your husband is utterly unimportant. You are a second wife and therefore your needs to not figure on the scale of importance . They come only marginally above your own children's needs (they don't matter much either - all that matters are the DSC !)

Meanwhile back on planet Earth , we had 7 children in a 2.5 bed semi. When his kids came over they slept wherever there was a space . Landings, bedrooms, occasionally a spare bed - it wasn't their home despite the crackpot mantra that it is (because their father lives here). It was a place they visited 2 days a fortnight . Their HOME was where they had their toys/clothes/friends... just saying it's home doesn't make it so ! It's was ' staying at dads'
I have NEVER EVER heard a child refer to their dads house as 'home'. If it's the place they visit for contact.

However
Three years ago the oldest two opted to move in with us. (So not to traumatised by the bedroom situation) We DID convert the dining room because NOW it is 'their home.' .
Don't be guilt tripped OP. Kids don't need their own rooms - it's a luxury for 4 days a month. Nice of course if you have the space but far from essential and definitely don't incur crazy costs trying to achieve this.

Kids need love, lots of attention when small - and an Interest taken in them as they get older. Understanding and a degree of healthy two way respect. If you have all that then you are doing them well.

@smaller... maybe we’re old fashioned! 😂 Thank you for your very rational perspective. May you be protected from burning at the stake!! 😳