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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dad moved in, adult children not happy

37 replies

Foslady · 10/03/2019 10:54

Anyone have any good books/blogs/webpages I can get help from? Daren’t post on here due to the bloody media using these pages for lazy journalism but suffice to say it’s kicked off and our relationship being put up as one of the reasons for it happening. If they were younger I could understand more, but as young adults who were happily living their own lives, dipping in and out with their dad as and when, and have both been made abundantly clear that they are welcome any time they are now very unhappy and have kicked off at their father.
It’s the first time their dad has been in a relationship with someone with a younger child living at home. I work full time and I’m not reliant on their dads money but even that has been commented on.
Any help to get us through this would be appreciated

OP posts:
goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 11:09

So, kids are adults (moved out?) and Dad moved in with his gf (Not you) who has a young child. Kids are angry about stepsibling or gf? How long since you split? I don't understand about the money - who is commenting?

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 11:13

Has Dad moved into her house? Is it further away than before? Is there enough bedrooms for them? How much time does the Dad spend with the kids? How much of that time is gf and her child there? Are there practical differences now? Eg they can't play 18 rated computer games as child is around.

Couchpotato3 · 10/03/2019 11:15

I'm not sure I fully understand the scenario - are the adult kids living with you or moved out? Either way, it seems unreasonable of them to have a go at their Dad over his new relationship, especially as they are not living with him. How is this impacting your relationship with the kids? It sounds as though they need time to adjust to the fact that he has moved on with his life. They don't sound very adult in their attitudes. Have you had another partner since their Dad? Is this the first time they have seen a parent with someone else?

ADarkandStormyKnight · 10/03/2019 11:19

I read it that the OPs partner has moved in and his adult children are not happy about it.

BloggersNet · 10/03/2019 11:20

Hard to say without details. Are they objecting to him being less available for them now? Less financial support?

Userplusnumbers · 10/03/2019 11:22

To be honest OP, adult children can sometimes be the worst in these situations.

I'd suggest for you to remove yourself in so far as possible, and for their dad to tell them to grow up - he's entitled to live his life!

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 12:15

I see what you mean. OP could be the gf with young child.

We need more details OP.

stealthmode · 10/03/2019 12:22

I’m gleaning that the OP’s partner has moved in and his adult children are kicking off. I think. Op you need to be clearer.

And what specifically is their issue? Did they used to stay over and they can’t now (space issue)? Was it their family home he’s sold and given up? There can be many reasons and options to solve but I think we all need more background in order to be able to help.

ADarkandStormyKnight · 10/03/2019 12:22

It's for their dad to resolve. He needs to find out what the problem is, think about it, and reassure them.

Is there any reason that you are aware of in the new arrangements that could be causing a problem? e.g. do they still have the opportunity to see him on his own occasionally?

Also - adult children - 18 or 28? Makes a difference. If they are still living at home or in full time education they are not independent.

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 12:31

Has their Dad lived with other girlfriends? Did they get along with the other girlfriends?

Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 12:37

Sorry, I’m the gf with a senior school child. Adults never stayed over at their dads - there
was a bedroom for them but never did.
I have purposely not gone with him at times so they can have one to one time, I have stuck up for them when I thought their dad was being unfair.
He was renting and moved in with me and dd, and has recently gifted them both some money.
His communication with them both has stayed at the same level it was prior to him moving in, and the relationship with their mum ended many years before I came along, with both parents moving on.
I hate the thought that they are both now so unhappy. I really have tried to ensure that they feel as welcome as possible, made sure they had Dad time (I’ve seen the mistakes my dd’s Dad has made and don’t want to make any of those).
At the end of the day they are his children and we both want them to know that they are loved - and love is inclusive, certainly not exclusive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 12:40

Oh and we are on about converting the house so there will be a room for them to stay over if they wish

OP posts:
Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 12:41

We did initially all get on great - including with their mum. I just want to try and do the right thing so we can get through this one and the relationship with their dad gets back on track

OP posts:
Stripyhoglets · 10/03/2019 12:42

Sounds like they are a bit worried he will marry you and they won't get their inheritance? And if he's not lived with a new partner since their parents split up they've not had to deal with this situation before so are worrying it will change things.

Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 12:44

Stripey, he has had other live in relationships before me.
We have no plans to marry - not that I don’t love him, but with two previous divorces behind me it’s put me off a bit!

OP posts:
Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 12:45

And wills are being drawn up to protect them in the event of his death - I insisted, i’ve Read too many horror stories on here, I wang it in black and white they will get their share

OP posts:
goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 14:50

Has their Dad asked what they are unhappy about specifically?

Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 14:53

Hasn’t had chance, he’s away this weekend and wants to see them in person to discuss it - phone calls and texts can just heighten everything

OP posts:
Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 14:54

It all kicked off whilst he was away

OP posts:
ADarkandStormyKnight · 10/03/2019 15:05

In what way? Are they in contact with you?

Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 15:14

They have been in contact with him, first thing I knew was when one of them posted their hurt on Facebook....

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Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 15:16

I kept out of it all, it’s between them and their dad, but I don’t know if there’s anything else I can do to calm things behind the scenes to try and help. Try and talk to their dad and keep things calm and try and find a way through this

OP posts:
Petalflowers · 10/03/2019 15:18

How long have you been with dp? Do they think he is moving too fast?

goldengummybear · 10/03/2019 15:18

Did he tell them before he moved in?

Original poster
Foslady · 10/03/2019 15:20

Been together fully about 18 months but knew each other for a year before hand as friends. They have always been happy for us previously and it didn’t surprise them when we told them he was moving in - they had been expecting it.

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