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Step-parenting

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Original poster

How to work the finances?

39 replies

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 16:40

Just wondered if I could get some thoughts on how you would deal with finances in this scenario?
I work PT earning 24k (likely to go to 26-27 for the next tax year). I have 3 children, 16, 6 and 3. One has a disability and recieves DLA. I recieve child benefit, £380 maintenance and at present some tax credits, which will go when we do live together.
DP is training to be a primary teacher. When he qualifies he will start FT on approx 23k. He has one child, age 2.
I have a mortgage, although there is no real equity, as its an interest only and was purchased 11 years ago at the height of the property market. However I have paid it alone all this time, and it gives my children security in their lives. No savings. 2k CC debt.
DP rents. No savings. CC debt 5k, family debt not fully disclosed and was due to family court case to get access to his daughter. I think it will be 7k that he owes.

I think that is all the relevant information.

How would you split the bills in this case? Please bear in mind I will be personally £700 a month worse off when he moves in due to the loss of tax credits.

I'd like to know what others will see as fair in this case before we get in to full discussions. We will have been together over 3 years when he moves in. So not rushing things.

OP posts:

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Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 16:45

Ooops! Forgot that my younger 2 are in my care 100% of the time. Older one approx 90% of the time, but varies as sometimes he goes to his dads once every week, sometimes he chooses not to and goes every other week.
DP's daughter is with him 2 days one week, 3 days the next. This may increase.

OP posts:

donajimena · 13/02/2019 16:51

I wouldn't move in with him. I know that's blunt but financial security is more important than romantic relationships.

TeenTimesTwo · 13/02/2019 16:53

Both of you should 'gain' the same by him moving in.

How much is his current rent? More or less than the £700 you lose?

He should be giving you £700 rent.
Then sharing bills by some sensible amount that means you are both still better off (or both worse off) by same amount.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 16:56

His current rent is £360. It was £260 but he moved closer towards me which bumoed his rent up.

OP posts:

PrettyLovely · 13/02/2019 16:58

I also wouldnt move in with him either.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 17:01

What makes you say that?

OP posts:

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 17:03

He does bring copious othet benefits to our lives btw!
He's just walked through the door after teaching all day, and has sat down with my 2 ds's doing their reading with them. He has a full evening of planning and essay writing ahead but he makes sure he spends time with my children first. I'd not be with him if he wasn't a kind and decent human who treated my children well.

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Mumshappy · 13/02/2019 17:04

I wouldnt move in with him either.

RicStar · 13/02/2019 17:06

Unfortunately financially he is going to be unable to make up your lost income and cover his own out goings (maintenance/ debt / car etc) on his net salary - I think unless you can cover a chunk of it it's just not affordable.

HeckyPeck · 13/02/2019 17:08

If he’ll be joining the mortgage (with you securing the equity for you/your children) I’d say:

Add up all joint bills (mortgage, food, gas, electric, tv etc).

Add up your household income and work out who earns what % of the income.

If your income represents 50% of household income then you pay 50% of joint bills.

Hopefully that would leave you with roughly similar “left over”

If he isn’t coming onto the mortgage I’d take that out of the equation.

donajimena · 13/02/2019 17:24

My partner is great too. Really good with my children. I'd have lost too much moving in with him so its on the back burner. I can offer financial security to my children AND enjoy a stable happy relationship.

WhiteCat1704 · 13/02/2019 17:36

I wouldn't move in with him either. You and your children will lose out too much financially and their security should be most important. Maybe in few years when he is debt free, earns more and is able to make up the shortfall?

SandyY2K · 13/02/2019 17:37

£700 is far too much to lose in a month. I think you should until he's earning more money and he can offset a bit more of your loss.

Settlersofcatan · 13/02/2019 17:40

You've been together over 3 years but he has a 2 year old with someone else?

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 17:47

We will be over all in the black. I was identifying that me personally will be losing £700 but our total income will be more than now.
I worked out that we would have around £1300 more than my single income. Childcare costs will be less.
🤷

OP posts:

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 17:49

No. We will have been together 3 years when we move in. His daughter will be over 3 by then.

OP posts:

HeckyPeck · 13/02/2019 17:54

Had your DP said what he though would be a fair split?

Another way is to work it out so you both have roughly equal money after joint bills.

RicStar · 13/02/2019 17:56

He won't be bringing in £2k a month on a £23k salary and as a newly qualified teacher he wont save that much childcare costs I wouldn't think (which are currently partially covered by tc's (?)) so not sure you can be £1300 per month up and he will have his own expenses - maintenance/childcare. Best to do a big budget with all the must pay expenses on and see what you have left. I would split that equally.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 13/02/2019 17:58

me personally will be losing £700

How much will he lose by moving in? And don’t tell me he’s great with your kids, you’re great with his child too but you’re still down £700 for the privilege of it.

HollowTalk · 13/02/2019 18:02

Why is he only going to earn £23K? I thought teachers started on more than that.

But in any case, I wouldn't pay anyone £700 to live with them, which is basically what you'd be doing. To make things even he'd have to pay that £700 to you, then split the bills, too.

jinglewithbellson · 13/02/2019 18:53

Difficult one op.

How come his rent is so low at present if he has his child a lot of the time?

Does he realise you will lose that amount per month?

Do you have other future plans with your partner?
If it was a set plan to get married etc etc could you not sell your place and buy somewhere together perhaps?

It's hard to say really without knowing future plans.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 20:07

I didn't say he would be bringing in 2k. It will be approx £1500. My wage will go up as he will enable me to work weekends if I am rostered in (currently work set shifts with no unsocial shift allowances). My other non means tested personal income is 1k. It works out we will have around £4300 between us. I currently have in total £4000 but £1000 of that is childcare costs (I have to pay a Nanny to be able to work). The portion of tax credits that doesn't contribute towards my childcare costs is the figure I am losing (£700). My childcare costs will drop to £60 a week maxiumum.

It's all a but complex to explain. My partner can't really get his head around it either. We have only looked at our personal incomes and outgoings so far.

The plan is to live together until such a time we want to move house. At that point we would marry and get a joint mortgage. Until then, I will pay the mortgage that much I do know. Mortgage isn't overly expensive.

I suppose I am coming at it from the perspective of I have 3 children near enough full time, where as he has one child less than half the time. How do we work out what is fair without anyone losing out? There has to be a way surely?!

Additionally, in time he will earn more than me as I will continue to work part time and am the top of my pay scale. He has his pay scale to go up. I won't be full time for around 7 years but at that point I will likely out earn him unless he is in a leadership role. Complicated 🤷.

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RicStar · 13/02/2019 20:40

If you are earning more is that included in the £700 loss? I would forgot about that £700. I would take your mortgage payment and child maintenance (yours and his) out of the equation and split everything else. I would think his share of the bills would be equal to his old rent. What does he think? I am not totally sure how you will be able to give up the nanny (more weekend shifts?) But you will hopefully both have sufficient fun money. I would not worry about the long term as things will change if e.g. you get married.

Original poster

ThisMustBeMyDream · 13/02/2019 20:49

The £700 loss is all in, taking everything in to the equation.
I won't need a nanny as between us and regular breakfast/after school clubs we have it all covered.
His share of the bills (off the top of my head) would be more than double his rent. Food alone is £130 a week if all 6 of us are here. How do you split that?

OP posts:

HeckyPeck · 13/02/2019 21:05

If he’s not joining the mortgage what would you each be left with if you paid the mortgage and you then each paid an amount proportionate to your income for the other joint bills?

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