How to work the finances?

[ThisMustBeMyDream]

Just wondered if I could get some thoughts on how you would deal with finances in this scenario?
I work PT earning 24k (likely to go to 26-27 for the next tax year). I have 3 children, 16, 6 and 3. One has a disability and recieves DLA. I recieve child benefit, £380 maintenance and at present some tax credits, which will go when we do live together.
DP is training to be a primary teacher. When he qualifies he will start FT on approx 23k. He has one child, age 2.
I have a mortgage, although there is no real equity, as its an interest only and was purchased 11 years ago at the height of the property market. However I have paid it alone all this time, and it gives my children security in their lives. No savings. 2k CC debt.
DP rents. No savings. CC debt 5k, family debt not fully disclosed and was due to family court case to get access to his daughter. I think it will be 7k that he owes.

I think that is all the relevant information.

How would you split the bills in this case? Please bear in mind I will be personally £700 a month worse off when he moves in due to the loss of tax credits.

I'd like to know what others will see as fair in this case before we get in to full discussions. We will have been together over 3 years when he moves in. So not rushing things.

So total income is 4300, his 1500 is 35% of household income and yours is 65%

Add up all joint bills. You pay 65% of these plus mortgage (maybe childcare would be just yours as well?). He pays 35% plus his debt repayments & maintenance.

Would that leave you both with some spare money?

Ps: you don’t have to answer of course, just something for you to think about.

Hmmm, but it isn't just bills. It's costs of all the children. They are the biggest expenditure. If I paid 65% and all the child related costs for my 3, I'd have no surplus. Just a rough calculation off the top of my head.

What about 65% if you included the child related costs in with the bills too? Although then you might have to also include his maintenance and a joint cost. It does get complicated!

Might be easier to just work it out so you both have the same left over each month? So whatever spare money after all the bills (including child maintenance and child related costs, mortgage and debt repayments) then divide that by 2?

As a joint cost, not and.

There's really no easy answer to this scenario is there?!

Probably not!!

You’ll just have to have a chat and see what you both think is fair and fingers crossed that’ll be the same thing!

In some ways it seems like you both lose out financially by living together.

You have 3 kids and if I were him I wouldn't want to really have to lose much money contributing to them, especially on a relatively low salary.

I think if you’re moving in together you should be joining your funds equally and making spending decisions together.

If he’s just paying you money for rent and bills he might as well be a lodger.

He sounds lovely. Once you're sure this is the relationship for you, move in and make it work. There's more to life than making every penny 'fair'.

My husband went from having 70%equity to doubling his mortgage and taking on my 3 kids and adding an unexpected one of our own! He's the happiest he's ever been. There really is more to life than money

This is such a tricky one isn't it? My DP and I went over and over and over to try and work out the finances when we recently moved in together. My situation is different to you as I earn a lot less than my DP but was getting tax credits which I now do not get and I am in a rented property so obviously no mortgage/equity to think about.

I don't know what will work best for you but we eventually narrowed it down to two options that we believed could work for us and then talked through the pros and cons of each of them. We have decided to try it this way:-

We each pay 50% of our income towards the house bills etc. This covers all of the house bills, shopping etc but leaves each of us with the other 50% to pay our personal outgoings. This worked best for us as although I was losing £700 tax credits, but I am now paying a lot less for the bills etc. DP is obviously paying out more than me towards the house but for him this was still a lot less than what he was paying for his previous property that he lived in alone so we thought this struck the right balance for us at the moment. It is quite early days though and It may or may not change in the future.

If you're moving in together and you're obviously thinking long term, marriage joint mortgage etc, why don't you just split everything now. It sounds like your situation is far too complicated to leave each other with a set amount a month or what maybe fair, but that's the consequence of moving in together. You're saying you can earn more because your DP will provide childcare at weekend, so should that be treated as an expense ?because if he said no to doing that, you'd have to pay anyway. He has maintenance to pay, which you have to accept so why not total income less total expenditure = disposable income per month. How tou then split that is up to you guys.You're supposed to be a team. I'm sure someone can probably tell how to secure your property, but surely this wouldn't be an issue until you decide to move and get a joint mortgage then you're looking st protecting your own asset.

I would not move in with him till he was dept free.7k is a huge amount to owe..when he's cleared that ,I'd think about it