Worried about my DSD

[supermamabear]

So, a bit of background. DSD is 3, I’ve been in her life for about 18 months. We have about 45% custody. I love her to bits and she’s very accepting of me as her third parent, she doesn’t really remember a time when I wasn’t around and accepts me and my OH together as she’s too young to really remember a time when we weren’t together. My OH and I parent as a couple, I’m very hands on and we both like it that way. We have a good family relationship atm, obviously there are all the trials and tribulations of parenting a toddler together but we take it as it comes!

However... we are both quite worried about DSD’s life with her mum. Her mum is difficult, has been high conflict in the past, emotionally abusive to my OH. She has a chronic illness that we try to be understanding of but we worry about how it impacts DSD’s life.

She doesn’t really take our DSD out the house, the only place she goes is to nursery 2x a week. Other than that it seems like all her mum does with her is sit at home and watches TV. DSD talks about tv a lot and there’s not much she hasn’t seen (including things like The Simpsons which we see as quite age inappropriate for her) and it seems like between that and the tablet she has loads of screen time with her mum which is something we try and limit. Our DSD also started to talk about fast food and it turns out her mum had been feeding her McDonalds a lot and our DSD is consequently very reluctant to eat any fruit and veg despite the fact OH and I are veggie and make lots of healthy and fresh food. DSD is very big for her age and that concerns me quite a lot as it seems due to a poor diet with her mum and lack of exercise. When DSD comes to us she’s often dirty and wearing clothes that smell musty and it seems like she hasn’t had a bath for a while and it seems like her fingernails and toenails don’t get trimmed until she’s with us. The house is also always a total tip when my OH picks her up.

My OH and I are just worried about DSD really and have tried to raise these issues with her but she just gets defensive and plays the poor single mum card so it’s quite hard. Any advice or should I just try and let it go?

[SandyY2K]

I agree that you're over invested in her. You aren't het parent. I'm sure your BF is happy for you to do so much, as it means he doesn't have to.

It's okay to be concerned, but ss much as you don't approve you'll have to let the food she eats, the TV watching etc go. It's about different types of parenting.

The way you said one has to be prepared to be a single parent... well one also has to realise that when you are not together as a couple...you can't tell the other parent what to do.

Her dad needs to speak to mum if he's worried. I can guarantee that if what he says sounds like it's coming from you... it will be met with resistance.

It sounds like they were not together long sd a couple once she was born.