Sharing bed with step mum

[Sandi2]

Hiya
DS (11) and DD (7) see their dad and stepmum every other weekend, and I recently found out that they all sleep together in the lounge (he has a fully furnished four bedroom house) and share space and duvets. I'm not comfortable with the idea of them sharing effectively a bed in this way, wanted to check what others thought? Am I being unreasonable or am I within my rights to expect that the children sleep in their own bedrooms? I do feel that it would be considered highly inappropriate for the children to share a bed/room with me and my partner (if I had one) so why is it different the other way round?

But he says it's wierd to be in uncomfortable about it.

It’s definitely not weird to not want to be naked in front of children you aren’t related to (or even ones you are related to)

The only person who gets to decide who sees you naked is you!

Talk to nspcc or safeguarding, it's a bit weird. I should think your eldest is embarrassed. I would stop overnight contact, it's inappropriate as a regular thing.

It's weird.

What do your kids think about it all?

I actually don’t think it’s weird. It’s very common in the Philippines for the whole family to sleep on a mat on the floor. A lot of people live in houses with maybe a kitchen, bathroom and 1 other room and will pull out a mat and cusions to sleep on together at night. Sounds like his gf is introducing that but speak to your ex and let him know it makes you feel uncomfortable

But they're not in the Philippeans, they're not actually a family and it's every single time they stay over, despite having perfectly good bedrooms to use.

It's weird.

Yes I didn’t say they were in the Philippines? But the girlfriend is Filipino and this is a pretty standard sleeping arrangement, so when OP said where the gf comes from I actually thought ‘ahhh makes sense now’. OP if your kids or you are uncomfortable with it though speak to your DP.

Dad, stepmum, DD, DS in that order.
I found out because DD complained she had not had enough sleep because DS had kept stealing the duvet.

I have to admit I am more bothered because stepmum is under the same duvet.

Stepmum is not under the same duvet though if the sleeping order you describe is correct. If DS is stealing the duvet off your DD it means she has one end of it & therefore only your DS & DD can be under it. If stepmum was also under the same duvet it would be impossible for your DS to steal it off DD as she’d be sandwiched in the middle of Stepmum & DS & therefore completely covered. It sounds like Dad & stepmum share one duvet & DD & DS share another.

I'm sure those sleeping arrangements happen in the Philippines for poor families who don't have their own bedrooms.

Speak to your Ex and tell him what DD said.

I genuinely don’t don’t understand why any adult would regularly want to sleep like that. Now and again my DSD has come into our bed when she’s been frightened by a storm but generally sleeps next to DH rather than between us.

Absolutely bizarre.

My 9yo DSS sleeps in the same bed as me approx 3 times a year and even then it's almost always if he has woken up in the night after a nightmare or feeling poorly. He might sleep in the same bed as me if his dad is away but that's more because we have a "sleepover" where we watch a film in bed and get a takeaway or something. I'd hope his mum wouldn't find that odd just because I'm his step mum. BUT having read that she lacks boundaries with your children it makes a lot more sense why you are uncomfortable with it.