Sharing bed with step mum

[Sandi2]

Hiya
DS (11) and DD (7) see their dad and stepmum every other weekend, and I recently found out that they all sleep together in the lounge (he has a fully furnished four bedroom house) and share space and duvets. I'm not comfortable with the idea of them sharing effectively a bed in this way, wanted to check what others thought? Am I being unreasonable or am I within my rights to expect that the children sleep in their own bedrooms? I do feel that it would be considered highly inappropriate for the children to share a bed/room with me and my partner (if I had one) so why is it different the other way round?

How bizarre-do all 4 of them camp out in the lounge on airbeds when there are beds in all of the bedrooms?

I don't think we have the full story here.

Surely this is a one off 'sleepover' type situation? As much as I love my step children I wouldn't want their little feet in my back while I'm sleeping.

Was it for fun - like a sleepover type thing or is it all the time? What are they sleeping on?

They have an actual bed in the lounge that sleeps 4?

It happens every time they spend the weekend there, they sleep on duvets on the floor in a row. Dad, stepmum, DD, DS in that order.
I found out because DD complained she had not had enough sleep because DS had kept stealing the duvet. On questioning them both it seems this is the standard sleeping arrangement every time they visit

It sounds like fun!

I'm pretty sure at their age if they didn't want to sleep in the lounge, they'd go to bed.

Especially the 11yr old.

Your thread title is very misleading though.

Why?!

I'd repeat to your ex what you've just said here - DD was complaining she was tired because DS kept stealing the duvet....then wait for him to explain the sleeping arrangements?

I have to admit I am more bothered because stepmum is under the same duvet. Reassure me here - if you think I am wrong to be uncomfortable with it let me know.

So who’s in all the bedrooms? 🤷‍♀️

It sounds weird that they do this all the time, but if your actual issue is about the SM, why is that? Is that a fairly new relationship? How long have the kids know her?

No one in the bedrooms - all cosied up in the lounge on a Friday and Saturday night

I'm willing to bet this is your ex's idea as he sees it as blending the family and their SM would love it if you said you would prefer beds.

I dream of the day that DP's ex tells him he can't bring the kids in the bathroom when I'm in the shower, because me telling him falls on deaf ears. In his eyes we are 'all family' and he doesn't know what my problem is.

Maybe just ask him about it like you think it's a bit weird?

SM is fairly new, from the Philippines and there have been issues with inappropriate touching/tickling in the past that ex has put down to 'culturally it is acceptable to tickle everywhere " and I have had to make clear that tickling on and around their underwear zone is not acceptable in our culture and therefore has to stop. Apparently it has but has left me ultra sensitive as regards boundaries and so on

Does seem weird. Had a similar situation with my DD and her SM - the SM slept in one room with the kids and DDs dad slept on his own in the master bedroom!

Completely threw DD as she's an only child and is used to her own space.

I dream of the day that DP's ex tells him he can't bring the kids in the bathroom when I'm in the shower, because me telling him falls on deaf ears. In his eyes we are 'all family' and he doesn't know what my problem is.

:-0 lock the door!! If it doesn’t have a lock, get one. You’re DP is being weird.

At first I thought no harm done & they’re all cosying up and having fun but it sounds like your DD doesn’t want to sleep in the lounge? I’d tell her she can go to sleep in her bed and if they say no you’ll come and get her.

After what you said about the tickling I would say no chance. I was sort of struggling to see why it was making you uncomfortable but after that there is no way.

Hecky - I do lock the door but occasionally forget or I end up with them banging to get in / kicking up a fuss and I get quizzed about why I bothered. To be fair it's been a lot better recently because i told the children directly they are too old to see me naked and if they need to go, go now before I get in. They listen more than he does!

Very unusual and not acceptable. Surely they've room to be in a proper bed?

Well that was a drip-feed and a half.

This is extremely weird and your last post would make me feel very uncomfortable.

You are the parent and have every right to tell your ex you are not happy about this arrangement

Sleeping altogether at these ages on a regular basis when there are enough bedrooms is just really odd. I’d definitely ask your ex why it’s happening.

I’d also ask the children how they feel as their wishes should be key here.

If my DH brought his children into the bathroom and made a fuss when I locked the door I’d find that really disturbing- unless his children are toilet training and there is only one bathroom.

Maybe they do it as a fun thing after a dvd? Maybe a bit strange and wouldn’t be my thing but why would you have a problem with them sharing with step mum? What do you imagine she might do to them?

Have to say my dp does this and walks in with kids when I'm naked...freaks me out as I find it odd as they are not mine. But he says it's wierd to be in uncomfortable about it.
It eases off as they get older I find.
Just speak to ex about the sleeping arrangements and say it's due to lack of slrepy

This is definitely weird, put it to your ex that your dc are finding it hard to get a good nights sleep on the floor in a row and please let them sleep in their own rooms.

I’d tell dc also you’re happy for them to call you to pick them up if they’re not being given the privacy of suitable sleeping spaces.
And I’d go and pick them up if they call to tell you they’re being made to sleep together.

It’s so weird. As are the initial responses on this thread; OP ‘this is happening’, most of the first replies ‘no it’s not it’s entirely different to what you’re saying’. WTF